Thighs Wide Shut

Report via My Man Marvkus in the desert…

So much fun
So much loud
So much tired

Bloc party is great.

In n Out Burger is too.

Today was a blast.

We left in the middle of Coldplay cause they are poo.

Moby
Webster Hall
April 20, 2005

To be perfectly honest, when this show was first announced, I wasn’t jumping up and down with a jump rope eggcited. That was probably due to the fact me has seen Cpt Baldie a bunch of times before (Hammerstein, Area One AND Two, etc) and didn’t feel he could offer anything new. But alas, tat twas well b4 my virgin ears eared the bestest album thus far of the ’05, Hotel. And now that I had seen (or heard) the light, there was no doubt in my resin-filled mind that my bizooty was going to get all frizuty at this show. Spank the good Lord that I did, cause the Yul Brynner of rocktronica still puts on one of the mos enjoyable shows around. Eat dat Peanut Eminememnem! And since tit’twas Webby Hall, this would be closest I’ve been to the vegan who tells the lamest of the lame stories in between songs.

With David Bowie overseeing the festivities, he tore thru his eggstensive back catalog, ‘Honey’, ‘Go’, ‘South Side’, ‘Feeling So Real’, ‘Bodyrock’, and one of me mos flavorite tunes of all thyme, ‘Porcelain’, gave a lil love to 18 (which deserves about that amt of love), threw in a cover of Mission of Burma’s ‘(That’s When I Reach for My) Revolver’ [download the Burma version or Moby version], and treated us all to a large chunk of the aforementioned album of the year (thus far). And unlike a lot of shows where the performer(s) play a lot of new sitzz that blows (like when I saw Huey Lewis & The Snooze @ Bowery), this was actually something I welcomed with open arms & thighs. Of course I jizzed my pants when he rawked ‘Raining Again’ [download], but I had to change my undies 6+ times for the rest of the new jounks as well. Good thing I always bring 10 pairs of my Calvins with me wherever I may foam. Towards the end of the show, I was growing a bit weary. There were two songs I was yearnin’ and burnin’ for him to play. The first being his brills rendering of the Bond Theme, but agas that was a no-show tonight. Howevski, he did come thru in the camel clutch and skizzy skizzled the 2nd song in question and the 2nd best tune off of the new disc, ‘Lift Me Up’ [download]. Next, I blinked and the show had ended. On cloud nine, yet mired in swamp ass, I departed, headed to Walgreens, bought me some Raisinettes, an apple juice, and a dollar DVD of The Pied Piper of Hamlin (which one day I’ll remake). Then off to the 1/9 hizzy cause like Mobes would say, ‘here we are now going to the west side.’ Even Ali G agrees, ‘Wesside is the best!’

His Beckness
Hiro Ballroom
Friday, April 15, 2005

Beck, can you ever forgive me for forgivingup on you? Sure, you bored the fork outta me at Coachella ’04, and sorta at the two shows I saw you play with the Flaming Lips in Rocktober of ’02, but YOU ARE BACK BABY, comin’ alive Frampton stizzle stossel style, juss the way I like you, circa the Midnite Vultures tour of ’02. Don’t get me wrong, I loves me the slow acoustic stuff (Mutations is by far his beck work), but Sea Change to me = Kate Boooosworth. No matter, cause you proved to me and to the faithful that you truly rock, rule, and own the school! It also didn’t hurt that I was 4 rows of people away from you and yer adorable rosy cheeks. Anywhoz, see you next time you come ’round. XOXOXO to you and yours, and their dresser drawers. For more on the show, visit Ms Mod (where the setlist pic can from), Oh So Quiet, and Brooklyn Veaggie, who was nice enuff to include some of the Craigslist hottnesss from the past few days.

Duran Squared
Madison Square Garden
Wednesday, April 13, 2005

OMG! HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF! OMG! WILD BOYS! OMG! COME UNDONE! OMG! NOTORIOUS! OMG! ORDINARY WORLD! OMG! THE REFLEX! OMG! I DON’T WANT YOUR LOVE! OMG! GIRLS ON FILM! OMG! RIO! OMG! A VIEW TO A MOTHER SPORKIN’ KILL!!! OMlordie’o’G!!!! [Full Setlist Here] To hell with The Stones, Pixies, and all other old hags, cause this is the reunion tour to end all reunion bores!!! I don’t think I’ve rocked out this hard since the Fillmore administration!! Me hands still hurt from clappin’ so dang much. All RHODES lead to UMAZINGNESS!!! Can ya bee leave I’ve been waitin’ 27 years for this day? Nows I can finally rest in peace (the fork out) cause I heard one of the greatistest Bond themes LIVE!!

Word is Bon, Simon Le Bon!!

The Fiery Furnaces with White Magic

Bowery Ballroom – September 25

Donny & Marie Osmond. Karen & Richard Carpenter. Eleanor & Matthew Friedberger. Which of these brother-sister musical combos isn’t like the other? Let me axe you a butter question, which of these sibling sensations rocked the rizzle roof off the Bowery Ballroom this past Saturday night, in front of yers drooly, the Dog of Landers + 498 other beautifullofit people? I’ll give you a hint, it’s the duo whose last name sounds like they were the focus of a Capturing The documentary. The Friedbergers are the pimps behind the wheels of one of the mostest uniqueness bands I’ve heard in a wrong time: The Fiery Furnaces. If you haven’t picked up their exotic 2nd album, Blueberry Boat, you’ve missed out on one of the breastest releases of this year. [Note: The Double Fs are like microwaved tuna, an acquired taste listen that won’t agree with everyone’s palette… especially if you have no taste.]

I was eagerly awaiting to see how their tongue-tying lyrics and whimsical circus-like smorgasbord of sound would translate into a live performance and to my udder delight, they was berry very amazinglyumcredibleisticali (btw, that’s the new CrazySexyCool)! Sure, any good ‘F’ band from Fugazi to Franz Federline can replicate their sound purrfectly on stage, but it takes a certain (alec) geniusness to take yer entire oeuvre, flip it on its head (yes, songs have heads) and re-mix it into a hour + medley of majestic manic madness that left me munching for more!! The Friedbergers, along with their rabid stick-man Andy Knowles and synthesizersoother Toshi Yano, kept the energy level and toe tappinin at such an absolute maximum overdrive, from start to finnish furniture, that no one even dared to mcnabb a second beer or see a man about a horse, or a whore for that matter. The White Stripes may be the breastest fake brother-sister duo in music today, but the Fiery Fs are the ultimate warrior breastestness real bro-sis one-two punch in our known solar system. And I think I’m gonna have to toss aside Ms Lohan cause I’m starting to swoon for Eleanor F… not to be confused with Axel F.

Other notes:

– The White Magic’s music and singing seem like they should eggsist in separate bands. And, although their lead singer resembles Sissy Spacek, I’d still like to eat pecan waffles off her body and play hours of Othello with her.

– Couzin Dan-o, who shares the same appetite for destruction of the human stomach as I do, recommended the vodka pizza at Pomodoro for pre-show eats, and after shoving it down my pie hole, I have to highly recommend it too.

– The JMZ subway line has gotta be the mostest worthless in all of NYC.

Further Reading: NYThymes, Pitchspork Media, and Latin Inches