Thighs Wide Shut

Beck
MGMT
United Palace Theatre
October 10th

[mo pics from CLme]

OK, so we missed all but one MGMT song cause we were too busy throwing TVs outta hotel rooms, and that sucked (the missing MGMT part, not the TV tossin), but we promises to see them another thyme cause they is totes rad y cool. anywho, in a short but very very berry sweet performance Beck was an A-Pro. he mixed bidness with pleasure, homework with heather, the freaks flocked together, and all the lesbians screamed. he was youthful, not youthless and the trails he blazed were chem-licious. the new tunes from Modern Guilt sounded beyond amazin AND thunderdome that it’s totally modern built to last, forevers. some might even say, his bestest work since the back2back infinite playlistednessness of Mutations and Midnite Vultures. he’s a midnite marauder, and we hopesszz he keeps bouncing. too bad the audience was tres lames and didn’t rock out as much as Beck or wees did. what’s wrong with you nia peoples?

bi the gay, if yer ever seeing a show at the Palace, be sure to eat and poop yer brains out across the street at the original El Malecón (there’s a second one located near ThighLand HQ). they have one of the moist yumtastic cubano sangwiches wees has mt EVERest had and mt FUJI!!!!

further nicotine & gravy:

Beck To The Future

Coachella Hellz Yealla So Much To Tella Lets Spread On The Nutella Part II

Chris Rock
Apollo Theater
September 12, 2008

the mos hilarious thing we encountered during the taping of Chris Rock’s new HBO comedy special Kill The Messenger at the famed Apollo Theater (saw two Gorillaz shows there back in the ’06) had nothing to do with comedian twat so ever. yes, his stand-up show was as funny as one rib, and even dough his material seemed about as fresh as Fresh Step® Litter (politics, white vs black, black vs white, black women, black everything), not a single soul could resist the comedic charms of the man who practically owns the words ‘f&ck’, ‘n$gger’ and ‘titties’. but like we said befloor, it wasn’t even close to topping the laughter caused by something else we saw before he even took to the stage. the audience in attendance that night appeared to be very Anglo-Saxon (probably a nice perk from working at HBO we guess) and some of them juss weren’t prepared for the unannounced sirprize warm-up act: Rakim (of ‘Eric B and’ fame). he got things going with a nice lil set of tunes we all know and love (with a lil DJing from Aaron LaCrate), but apparently hip-hop isn’t for everyone. some dude in the row in front of us, put his head down and covered his ears for the entirety of Rakim’s performance (think of him as a calmer version of the father from that Twisted Sister video). look, we’ve all been to shows with openers that made us want to slit our eyes and ears out and off (for us it was Marilyn Manson in ’94, opening for NIN), but c’mon pal, grow a pair. or at least get a lil soul, you ignorant bastage, even if you have to paint yerself black like Neil Diamond did in The Jazz Singer (a muss click)

Neil Diamond
Madison Square Garden
(A Hot) August (Night) 14th

[mo pics from another nite from HarveNYC]

Doooooooooode! NEIL FORKIN DIAMOND! HE SHONE ON, that crazy arsed DIAMOND did he, and now we can mos slap happily cross him off our muss see before he and we die list, like we dids with Stevie Wonds months ago. With a crowd consisting of only Wonder Bread white peoples and a median age of 62, Neil D (father of Dustin and Mike D) totally gave everyone their moneys worth and kevin duckworth, digging deep into his impressive vault of hits and beltin out a few new tunes from his solid and not gaseous current Rick Rubin produced effort Home Before Dark. It was all PRETTY AMAZING… GRACE. SWEET jesus and CAROLINE tit twas! He made us want to stay FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS. Someone didn’t BRING HIM FLOWERS, but everyone showered him with love. Don’t feel bad for the SOLITARY MAN cause he has a zillion adoring singletary women screamings non-stops. THANK THE LORD FOR THE NIGHTTIME and for creating Neil, who’s like a hotter, more talented Mike Damone from Fast Times. Play him? PLAY ME cause he AM and he SAID! HELL YEAH! SONG SUNG BLUE made us white in the pants and made our palms CRACKLIN ROSIE. So glad we popped our Neil CHERRY, CHERRY the other TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAY. Wees and I’M A BELIEVER!!!

Susic Mobbery saw the show a few nights before and had more intelligible things to spray

Rock The Bells
Jones Beach
Aug 3rd

Dem bells were mos certainly rawked yesterday, as we spent 8ish alcohol-free long hours out on Strong Island taking in the rapper delights that ruled our white subURBAN adolescence: A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, Method Man & Redman, Ghostface & Raekwon (so why again didn’t they play ‘Daytona 500’), De La Soul, Mos Def (taking a break from his illustrious acting career), the Pharcyde, etc, rapcetera. The performances ranged from OK (Nas was good, but he didn’t rule the world) to A-OK (Meth was more on fire than all the blunts lit up at the amphitheater) to Z-OK (why does De La always put on a lackluster show?), but there was a sense of unity between the acts as they all called for ‘peace’ and to ‘f%ck the police’. Good to know some things never change, like spreading mixed messages of love and hate

Outside of Afrika Bambaataa and the Zulu nation tearing it up on the second stage, no one main act stole the show, for it was a bunch of surprise guests that truly raised the the roof beam more than JD Salinger. It was mad killah to peep Jay-Z duet with Nas, and have EPMD, Keith Murray, Talib Kewli (joining Mos Def, duh), Bust Rhymes (we missed his scenario with Tribe cause we had to head home and watch the Zorn era come to life on DVR) and Slick Rick pop their heads out throughout the day, but the realiest and illiest manilliaist shiznits to fliztizlits were hands and thighs down hearing ‘nobody beats the’ Biz Markie electrify the crowd with a third of ‘Just A Friend’ and DJ Kool dusting off his go-go classic ‘Let Me Clear My Throat’ as we tried to clear our own smoke encrusted lungs. Those are two one hit-wonderful anthems that we’ve always wanted to hear live, but would never want to sit thru a whole Biz or Kool concert to make that dream a reality

So yer probably wondering about the dude in the picture above with the flannel turban and granny smith apple in his right hand, who looks like Randy from My Name Is Earl, right? Well, we’re still wondering about him too, as he was without a doubt the king supreme HIGHlight of the entire day. He never took a single bite of that apple or even bothered to remove it’s sticker. Wees thinks the apple was his environMENTALly-friendly equivalent of the devil horns. As if that wasn’t enuff to cement his status as coolest kid on the playground, he’d often run laps around the second stage’s standing area, only to return to where he was previously standing and continue on in is apple ‘hard’ core antics. Bless his soul, de la that is

Jarvis Cocker
Terminal 5
July 22nd

[mo pics from skinvision]

Jarvis Cocker is a true showman. If you’ve seen em live, like we did last year, yous knows what we speaks of. If not, yer totes missing out and probably have yet to fall in love with his uber-brills solo debut from 2 years ago that’s all about love & death & fat people. His voice rivals only James Earl Jones as tres breastest in all the world and the guy has moves as smooth as classic Michael Jackson (he even tried to upstage the Prince of Pop years ago [video]). Word has it that Jarvis is totally gonna rock out on his next album, and if the new tunes he showcased the other night at Terminal Illness 5 are any indication then that word is beyond bond, yo! He also played in Brooklyn the night before and the Vegan and Susic Mobbery both have reviews

And while we’re here, lettuce celebrate other fine lads and diane ladds who totally rock horn-rimmed-ish glasses (with apologies to Chris Sabo)…

Woody Allen

Col Harland Sanders

Clark Kent, Reeve version

Clark Kent, Reeves version

Buddy Holly

Malcolm X

Harold Lloyd

Henry Kissinger

Larry King

Elvis Costello

Herbie Hancock

James Burke

The Nutty Professor

Tina Fey

Mobutu Sese Seko

Salvador Allende

Barry Goldwater

Bill Cullen

Drew Carey

Janeane Garofalo

Andy Dick

Rivers Cuomo

Graham Coxon

Jemaine Clement

Noodles

Stephen Merchant

Lisa Loeb

60s Michael Cane

Austin Powers

Garth Algar

The Church Lady

Lasky, guard at Walleyworld

Rick ‘The Wild Thing’ Vaughn

Mark Cohen

Teddy Duchamp

Lucas

Ernie from My Three Sons

Mr Garrison

Ugly Betty Suarez

Adam Savage

Noah Bennet

DJ Rick Adams

&

Velma Dinkley