Thighs Wide Shut

Phish
Jones Beach Theater
June 5th

duuuuude, we saw Phish for the very first time last noche (our concertmate, who forced us against our last will and testicles to go with him, has seen em 100ish times), and since you’re reading this it means we hactually survived the patchouli oil spills (and periodic rainstorms), AND to be unperfectly honest, we hactually had a rip roaring time, even though we hadn’t a clue what songs Phish were playing or why everyone had a beard thicker than Zach Galifianakis or why the bearded men, and women, were all dancing like a bunch of douche bags. it was a night of many firsts, including watching a grown man play a vacuum (it’s not as cool as it sounds, and the way it sounds isn’t cool), watching many grown men urinate in sinks, and also, don’t think we’ve heard a guy puke as hard and as long as we did during a second set pee break. speaking of sets, here’s our guess as to what they played…

(real set list)

+ mug shots of VA Phisheads

Leonard Cohen
Radio City Music Hall
May 16th

…THEN WE TAKE BERLIN!!!!

Where to begin? How about where our infatuation with Leonard Cohen, everyone’s man, and the illest Canadian Jew mt EVERest (and 2nd coolest Jewish grandpa mt EVERest, behind Neil Diamond) began. The year was 1990, and hot off the heels of Heathers, Gleaming The Cube, The Wizard and Young Guns II Christian Slater, with his devilish middle finger attitude and killah hair do, was winning the hearts of women everywhere, and thumbs up from every male in the land (including our soon to be Bar Mitzvahed a$$), and them hearts and thumbs throbbed even larger when Pump Up the Volume pumped up… the volume! That movie was beyond the stizzle badizzle, and surpassed Chip n Dale’s ‘Two Chips & A Miss’ as the most re-watched thing that our VCR ever saw. Anywho, Christian Slater was mad cool, like a coolcumber, and his underground radio DJ character, Happy Harry Hard-on, was even coolcumberer (TALK HARD!!!). He PUMPED up mad awesome tunes, the mos mad awesomestest being Leonard Cohen’s ‘Everybody Knows’ and ‘If It Be Your Will’. The PUTV soundtrack featured ‘Everybody Knows’, but it was an asi asi cover by Concrete Blonde, and so we searched elsewhere, found and discovered all that is holy, all that is Leonard Cohen, who may not have the finestest singing voice, but maybe the bestest talking voice in the whirld… besides James Earl Jones and the Micro Machine Guy. Our long LC journey culminated with us being the youngest peoples at Leonard’s well over 2.5 hour show, sitting in the very last row, at Radio City Music Hall (bestest large venue of balls thyme). Tickets weren’t cheap, but even if you were a sucker who ponied up $250 for the orchestra seats, it was well worth the price, hispecially since they got a better look at Cohen constantly on his knees, serenading the giant Oriental rugs underneath him. The set list was a like a dream come true, although we were mad vexed when he let his hottie back-up crooners, the Webb Sisters, sing ‘If It Be Your Will’, instead of him. BOOOOOO. Also boo was the crowd who never got as into it as we did. We know this was more like a performance than a concert, but c’mon, Leo effin rox the cox and the 1919 Black Sox. If you haven’t given into Mr Cohen yet, there’s no butter thyme than now. Sadly, that is not the case with Leonard Part 6, although mumbles was the case that they grave us

Franz Ferdinand
Roseland Ballroom
May 7th

The list was set, and the Glaswegian quartet set it off, more so than Queen Latifah could ever do, but about the same as when we saw em the first time, and a couple o times after that first time, although they say there’s nothing quite like the first time, cept we’d have to say, there’s nothing like the holidays, yet we haven’t seen that film which chronicles the downs and ups of the Rodriguez clan. Even though their new album Tonight is a lil hum-ho and a tad yesterdayish (is that Joy Division we hear?), nothing can stop The Archdukes from raising the roof (new standout trax ‘No You Girls’ and ‘Twilight Omens’ certainly stood out), well besides a bunch of Amish folk who are raising barns and hell!

Travis
Webster Hall
April 25th

Yes, we are one of those very few who are still keeping the Travis flame alive. Yes, that same Travis band you gave up on ages ago cause they didn’t turn out to be huge as Coldplay even though they should have been and also cause they’re munch better than Coldplay and Coldplay knows it. Travis has consistently been releasing quality music ever since their second album, The Man Who, dropped in ’99, and they is alsos perhaps one of the finest cover bands going, tackling such ditties along the way as ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’, ‘Here Comes The Son’ & ‘I Kissed The Girl’. Their original songs are stadium anthems, yet they never get to play them in stadiums… well, at least in American they don’t get to. Over the years wees taking them for granted and for granite. Every time they set their tour dates we semi-reluctantly get tickets, but after seeing them we’re always glowing with mad love for the Scottish foursome like it was the very first time (the last first time was last year’s Irving Platz show). This past Saturday’s show, in support of their new disc Ode To J Smith, was no different, and the only new revelation we have to report is how much lead singer Fran Healey looks like a cooler version of Breaking Bad‘s Aaron Paul

Thighs Wide Fact: our term ‘Peace The Fork Out’ is an homage to a Travis song with a similar name. the first time we used it was back in the ’04

Moby
Issue Project Room
April 24th

Like with Travis, we haven’t given up on Moby either, even though the last time we saw him perform live was back in the ’05. This show was billed as his first ever ‘seated electronic/ambient show’, yet we didn’t get there early enuff to snag a seat, so for moist of the time we stood uncomfortably as Moby twiddled knobs and played on his iMac, while random fartsy artsy images were projected all around. It was strange and weird and odd and sometimes boring, kinda like watching any piece of video art found at the Whitney’s Biennial, but lessthenone it was well interesting and well worth the $15 paid for this special benefit show for the Issue Project Room. He played some stuff we knew, like ‘God Moving Over the Face of the Waters’, which is one of the mos beautiful pieces of music we’ve ever heard, even if it was used in the final scene of the not so beautiful Michael Mann flick Heat, and a bunch of other stuff we weren’t so familiar with. The crowd didn’t know what to do, but sit and watch baldy twiddle dem knobs. It was only until he closed his set with the Twin Peaks infused ‘Go’ that them peeps stood up and clapped like mad. We love clapping and think people don’t do enuff of it at concerts, and we’re not talking about applause when the song is over, but clapping while the song is goings on, like keeping the beat and the like. Whatevsers, that’s a bigger issue that we’ll tackle some other time, like when we’re kings of the world and leon. We’re lookin fwd to his next album (hispecially since his last one Last Night was so fantaboulous, and yet no one cared) and a return to real touring with a band and shiz

other notes of news: before Moby we dined at Buttermilk Channel. while their fried chicken and waffles were more faancy than they were hammazin’, we totally dug their homemade pickles, sweet potato & goat cheese croquettes and maple & bacon roasted almonds (we heard they prevent the swine flu!)

Flight of the Conchords
+ Kristen Schaal
Radio City Music Hall
April 14th

After all is done and said, season 2 of Flight of the Conchords has to be seen as a major let down, his&herspecially since season 1 was the knee’s bees and francis scott keys to tulsa. The comedy bits we’re moist certainly notch top, but a majority of the songs were more forgettable than this guy’s cover of ‘Unforgettable’. But cha know what, maybe we gunned the jump too soon on them songs. Our eggspectations on season 2 were more high than Cypress Hill smoking banana peels on the Troodos Mountains of Cyprus, and of course it waz gonna be mission impossible for America’s mos flavorite Kiwis to deliver on them eggspectations. Season 1 covered a decade’s worth of beyond solid and thunderdome song craftsmanship, and come to think of it, Bret & Jemaine hactually did an admirable job piecing together another batch of tunes in less than a year and a half for season 2

Why this sudden change of heart? Wellsz, if you heard theirs newish songs live that you probably didn’t really care for that much when ya heard them the first time on the TVs ( ‘Demon Woman‘, ‘We’re Both In Love With a Sexy Lady‘ and ‘Hurt Feelings‘) and then found yoselfves rocking out hard and larffing out even harder to em at a concert juss as much as yous did to their olden songs then you’d probably change yer tune about thems tunes too! Time will ultimately be kind to these new songs (it already has to such insta classics as ‘Carol Brown‘, ‘Sugalumps‘ and ‘Too Many Dicks On The Dance Floor‘), but in the meantime, we’re going to be kind and rewind and rewatch season 2 all over again, w/o the preconceived notions and potions, and break out the lotion for pure enjoyment!

And oh yeah, Kristen ‘Mel’ Schaal opened the show (thankfully w/o her usual partner Kurt Braunohler) and she shined on more than the crazy diamond that is Dustin Diamond. Translation = she’s thighlarious to the bone, and that’s quite an honor coming from us since we don’t find many ladies all that humorous besides our mother, Carol Kane, Anna Faris and Georgia O’Keeffe (those vagina paintings are too fun-E Georgia!)

previously: Flight Night of A Thousand Laffs