Thighs Wide Shut

Phish
The Garden
December 2nd

There’s something seriously wrong with me/we. How on Earth have we been goaded into seeing Phish twice in one year (the previous show, our phirst ever, was this past summer at Jones Beach), esp since we’ve now see them play ‘A Day In The Life’ as many times as we’ves seens Paul McCartney do it (so that makes it FOUR times we’ve heard that song in concert since June!!!?!?!?)?? Last nite’s show was fab lobvs course, but didn’t have a clue as to what was going on (elastic, elastic, balls apart?) and now wees needs to take 8 showers to get the stench of middle class dirty neo-hippie semi-homelessness off of mees! Two things we learnsed this time that we didn’t the phirst time: crowds are 86% men (mainly sweaty ones) and the 12% of womens are usually 81% smokin’ (the remaining 2% is butterscotch ripple, btw)! The other thing is that no one claps during the songs remains the sames. No one does that at any concert in general and in sergeant cause everyone is lame, but the Phish peoples are so into Phish that you’d think they’d have more clapping going on, but guess theys too busy smelling like mid-90s post-teen spirit to bothers. OK, enuff of the whatever, and now for the real chocolate reasons why yer still reading this… our totally made-up made-down set list (with no repeats from last nites tweet guesses)

(real set list)

and oh yeah, there’s a bit in Phish’s ‘Slave To The Traffic Light’ that was totally jacked from the Ewok celebration joint to end all joints, ‘Yub Yub’. basterds!!!

Matisyahu
Sixth & I Synagogue
Washington, DC
November 25th

Remembers how straight up Jew-reggae-franztastic Matisyahu’s 2005 debut Live At Stubbs waszeses? Felt like a novelty act, coulda ended up that way, apparently didn’t, and we haven’t listen to one of his albums since, so we haven’t a clue as to what the hoppin Hasid’s been up to. We can only guess that he decided to go all out borings with his next set of records, rights? Cause how else can you explain the lack of grooves (and beatboxing, WTF!) and don onslaught of chanting and blah blah blahing we heards when we finally got around to seeing the hairy muthersticker in concert, which apparently was 4 years too late. Sure, the show was at a synagogue so of course it was going to be drenched in Jewishnessness, but instead of playing it too cool for shul like he should have, it was like being in Hebrew School all over again, but kinda not as awful, but still, doode, chill with the yabba yabba gabba gaga, yaaaaay yah yah. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wake me up when you convert to Christianity like Bob Dylan!!! Or next time at least have the decency to hand out free hamantashen homey while you snores us to Simchas Bore-ah!

Röyksopp
Webster Hall
November 23rd

An Evening with Fran Healy and Andy Dunlop from Travis
Joe’s Pub
November 10th

Seriously, this was the third greatestestest concert we I have ever attended. First was Simon & Garf earlier this decade and the second was night 1 of the RnRHoF thingamajig (also including Simon & Garf, obvs). So to be third place behind that very good company not only sez how much I love the Travis, but since you know my tastes to be better than yours thens yous knows that it means a forkin helluva lot in terms of things AND stuff!

Joe’s Pub is a teeny tiny place and the key is to make a dinner reservation cause them tables one gets to sits at be the best seats in the house, also they be the only seats. Couldn’t get a ressie. Nonetheless, me and tall cousin D-money rolled up near the crowded back bar area, and 10 minutes before showtime a waitress came by and asked if anyone wanted a dinner table for 2 and quicker than you can say yourpenisismallerthanmine we hopped on that opportunity like I hop on free fried chicken. Turned out to be the call of the century (thus far). We were seated DIRECTLY below Travis main man Fran Healy, as he and axe-man Andy Dunlop chronologically weaved their way thru their stellar back catalog

Cousin D was loving it like mad, but I was totally losing my shit, in the bestetsesttsest way possible. So much emotion flung from my body and soul that it was clear to the performers and audience alike that I am totally their 6th biggest fan in the entires worlds. I received numerous smiles and even a high five (instigated by me) from Fran. Apparently this didn’t sit well with everyone, as about an hour into the show a waiter approached me and whispered in my ear that some of the other paying patrons were wondering if I could tone down my ‘theatrics’. Are you fluffernuttering kidddddding me???? Is this a concert or a soundless book reading? I tried to behave myself a little butter after that point, but I had 5 Maker’s on the rocks in my body and all I wanted to do is rock (that’s a Travis song for those of you not in the know). Plus, this was effin (half of) Travis and I was never gonna be closer to them than I was at this moment and probably never would again. Damn you bone-melters!!!

After the show, Fran & Andy stuck around, sold merch, signed autographs and even talked graciously with their fans. I gave them more props than I have pubes. I left, head spinning, but still aglow from the greatness I had juss witnessed. Musta been some night cause when I awoke this AM, my bathroom sink was filled with my puke and I had no recollection as to when I ‘put’ it there. Praise jeebus!!!

The 25th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
Anniversary Concerts – Night 2
Madison Square Garden
Rocktober 30th

after Thursday’s all-time time-edness we knew there was no possible way that Friday’s show, even with or w/o Clapton in the line-up, could ever match it. damns, we hate beings right, and the show being 2ish hours shorter than the previous one didn’t help splatters much. Jeff Beck is a fine guitarist and all, but they really shoulda gotzen someone else, someone nameier to take Clapton’s place since his balls were recovering from being gladdered

we won’t go on much more, cause we’re still beyond bewildered at the Black Eyed Poops’ guest participation in the proceedings. we hactually don’t believe in a Hall of Fame for music, especially if Donovan aint in it… yet, but to have Fergie and those other pooples share a stage with U2 and Mick Jagger is juss out flat insulting, especially to anyone who knows anything about good music

speaking of, forgot this story from night one, but now’s a better time than never to share it: during Stevie Wonder’s set, a mid-50ish woman turned to me and said, wouldn’t it be great if Adam Lambert came out and dueted with him? I said, is he that American Idol guy? she said yes and I said, no, not really

regardless, it was still a night to remember, with Ozzy bourne again + Patti & Bruce becauseing the night, but all in all it juss wasn’t as memorable as night one

Jerry Lee Lewis

‘Great Balls of Fire’

Aretha Franklin

‘Baby, I Love You’ (The Ronnettes)

‘Don’t Play That Song’ (Ben E King)

‘Make Them Hear You’ (from Ragtime)

‘Chain of Fools’
w/Annie Lennox

‘New York, New York’ (Liza Minnelli)

‘Think’
w/Lenny Kravitz

‘Respect’

Jeff Beck

‘Drown In My Own Tears ‘ (Ray Charles)

‘People Get Ready’ (The Impressions/Curtis Mayfield)
w/Sting

‘Freeway Boogie’

‘Cause We’ve Ended as Lovers’

‘Let Me Love You Baby’ (Willie Dixon)
w/Buddy Guy

‘Big Block’

‘Rice Pudding’

‘Rough Boy’ (ZZ Top)
w/Billy Gibbons

‘Foxy Lady’ (Jimi Hendrix)
w/Billy Gibbons

‘A Day In The Life’ (The Beatles)

Metallica

‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’

‘One’

‘Turn the Page’ (Bob Seger)

‘Sweet Jane’ (Velvet Underground)
w/Lou Reed

‘White Light/White Heat’ (Velvet Underground)
w/Lou Reed

‘Iron Man’ (Black Sabbath)
w/Ozzy Osbourne

‘Paranoid’ (Black Sabbath)
w/Ozzy Osbourne

‘You Really Got Me’ (The Kinks)
w/Ray Davies

‘All Day and All of the Night’ (The Kinks)
w/Ray Davies

‘Stone Cold Crazy’ (Queen)

‘Enter Sandman’

U2

‘Vertigo’

‘Magnificent’

‘Because The Night’ (Patti Smith)
w/Bruce Springsteen and Patti Smith

‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’
w/Bruce Springsteen

‘Mysterious Ways’

‘Where is the Love?’ (Black Eyed Poops)/’One’
w/Black Eyed Poops

‘Gimme Shelter’ (The Rolling Stones)
w/Mick Jagger and Fergie

‘Stuck In a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of’
w/Mick Jagger

‘Beautiful Day’

mo pictures hear