Thighs Wide Shut

it’s been two long and hard years since Leonor Watling’s hot bod and adorable face has graced our Thighs, but absence juss makes the cock grow longerer and harderer!!!!  WATLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mas o’ Leonor Watling en la revista Man Marzo 2010

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
(Män Som Hatar Kvinnor)
The Curious Cold Case of Harriet Vanger
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

40 years ago, a purty young girl had gone missing, and has been presumed dead ever since.  Her wrinkly-ole Uncle moneybags (Sven-Bertil Taube, three of our mos favorite names, duh) cannot rest soundly until he can get some sort of closure on the matter.  Enter recently disgraced reporter Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist, who looks like a cross between Mathieu Amalric and Mr Bean) to heat up this oh so frosted cold case!  And while our hero is one smart cookie, in a Robert Langdon kinda way, he still needs a his girl Fredag.  Enter THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, aka Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace)!!  Not only does she have a dragon tattoo, and mad piercings, and a Joan Jett complex, but she also has really small boobs!  She’s also a researching dynamo and can break into computers just as easily as she can get her heart broken.  Faster than you can say odd couple or dynamic duo or BOTH!, the two are breathing new life into the long dead case and the results FREAKIN ROXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is all old news to you, since the Stieg Larsson book (not of the same name. the original title = Men Who Hate Women) is an international best-seller, and this killah movie’s been out for many moons.  If it’s new news to you (we were a lil late to the game here, like trying KFC’s Double Down for the 1st time juss the other night), then NEWSFLASH, SEE IT (or we guess read the book, but who has time to read?) NOW OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There’s two Millennium Trilogy sequels already in the can, which should make their way to our shores this fall, so hurry the fork up and see this!!!

A Hollywood remake is already in the works, with David Fincher attached as the director.  He’s a perfect choice, considering Tattoo is the bestest thriller we’ve seen since his Zodiac (yes, we just said that and you know how we feel about ZODIAC!!!)  And while Nyqvist can be played by anyone (Brad Pitt is rumored to get the nod), no other actress will be able to replicate or keep pace with what Rapace did for her take on Lisbeth Salander.  She is the girl and no one else can be.  She tattooed us, and if you haven’t already done so, let her tattoo you, NOWWWWWWW!

Sweetest Fishes:  it was hard to find fotos of sum of dem cute honeys with bit parts in Dragon, but apparently very easy to find fotos of slightly fly womens (and mens) from Sweden that weren’t in the movie, but who love to party, IN SWEDEN, and since they are so Swedish looking and therefore prettier than wees, they is still worth gawking at

plenty mo Aryan thighs here: stureplan.se [SFW]

Verdictgo: Breast In Show!!!!!!

Dragon is all fire in limited release!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Playboy goes 3-Deez nutz!!!

and here’s some instant reactions

above 3-D ‘model’ and PMOY Hope Dworaczyk + Katie Vernola (she looks like cross between Blake Lively & Abby Elliott) in glorious 2-D [ NSFW]

+

vintage 3-D nudes for yer granpappy to granfappy to [NSFW]

Nudes3D.com [NSFW]

Dial M For Murder clips in 3-D

Jaws 3-D clips in 3-D

House of Wax (1953) 3-D Paddle Ball scene

3D anaglyph photos

& the movie event of the summer: Step Up 3-D!!!

Looking For Eric
Guardian Angel Dusty
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

All men have sports heroes, and if a man doesn’t, then he probably isn’t much of a man.  Eric Bishop (Steve Evets) is a man, a weak one, but still a man, and his main man in the footballin world is the French former Manchester United colossus Eric Cantona.  Eric B’s life is going in an endless circle of nothingness, and after driving a car literally in circles, in the wrong lane, and nearly killing himself, his postal co-workers try to set him straight, and from going postal.  The boys get him to meditate and try to imagine if one of his idols showed up and lent him sum guidance for all of his worty-worries.  Eric B looks for Eric C and Blammmm-o, Eric C shows up to help Eric B!  (it’s amazing that either man can understand the other, with their accents thicker than porno vag hair from the 70s)

Looking For Eric is billed as a Ken Loach comedy, yet outside of a few trips to the pub and a pivotal scene towards the end where a gang of men all don the same silly mask and break stuff, there’s not much to laugh at.  Remember, this is a Ken Loach film, not a Jay Roach motel.  Eric B’s life is pathetic and sad.  Even when he makes amends to his former flame whom he left in the dust years before (Stephanie Bishop), and bails out his troubled gangsta wannabe son (Gerard Kearns) and sweetness starts to seep in, it’s all still soaked in distress and agony

All of these ups and downs + downtime with Eric B’s imaginary friend don’t fully add up to a thrilling game on the pitch, but this aint no unwatchable blowout neither.  It’s like a series of whiffs that almost coulda been goals.  Olé?

Hall Pass: Laura Ainsworth plays the younger version of Eric B’s old sweet-tart, and plays with our heart cause her eyes could melt ice caps on Pluto!!!!

Verdictgo: low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Eric looks in NY only today, and elsewhere elsewhere

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Death At A Funeral
Dwarfed By The Original
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Did you see Frank Oz’s Death At A Funeral?  If not, then you missed out one of the funniest films we’ve seen over the last decade, and if you know our history with modern comedies, you know we don’t throw around accolades like that very often.  And so, if you haven’t seen it, you must mus mustt musss musssk, especially if yer ever contemplating seeing the blackified remake (directed by white guy Neil LaBute) first

So what’s the difference between the two?  Nothing glaring, cept this capable cast, including Chris Rock (dude loves remakes), Tracy Morgan (more please!), Martin Lawrence (he so cra-zay!) , James Marsden (valiant try, but he’s no Alan Tudyk), Zoë Saldaña (more annoying here than hot), Keith David (not David Keith), Danny Glover (never too old for any shit, including taking one on screen), Luke Wilson (guess there was a break in his AT&T commercial shooting schedule) and Columbus Short (a poor or rich man’s Cuba Gooding Jr?), can’t deliver the funny quite like their British counterparts done did.  Therefore this film is completely unnecessary, herspecially considering that the original only came out 3 years ago.  Peter Dinklage is the only soul who got to reprise his meaty role, and if any goodness can be gleaned from this pointless remake, hopefully it was a big paycheck for a job well done for doing the same job twice

Hall Pass: Regina Hall is beyond thighlarious (see the Scary Movie movies for proof, even if the first two were duds), but we never thought about how fly she was until we started to think about how fly she is!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Death At A Funeral is currently not as good as the original at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…