Thighs Wide Shut

Her Royal Thighness the IIIrd’s approval rating has reached it’s lowest point ever with 99.9999999999998% approvaleded. How could this be and what does sheness need to do in order to win your love and erections? Isn’t breaking Lohag’s most searched record good enuff? Or how bout if she pulled down her pants a bunch more times? Maybe we can send you cases of her new perfume filled with Cassis Berrie & Cashmere Musk. But why should we bother trying to impress our breasts upon you? For you think Jessica Biel, who really is a man, is more worthy than Sharalovely. Did you even see Stealth or anything else she’s ever been in? She has zero talent and she’s a man (juss in case u didnt read that the first time). Plus I’d rather beat off to Mary Worth than her. And you know how WORTHless that comic slizatch is!!

• Old Gorillaz news is suddenly new again

• An insult to Jews and audiences everywhere

• I think the odds are 121-120 that Ludivine Sagnier will appear nekkid in her next joint, despite what these pics show.

• Lotsa agreeing and tweaking going on for Indy 4 [via the Hole]

• AC Slater EMPLOYED! THIGHMASTER NOT!

• With Puffy & Mario Van Peebles on board Carlito’s Way: Rise To Power will surely sink at the box office this fall

• Top of the Pops flops on BBC2. At least they have the option to watch it as they took it off BBCAmerica ages ago. Damn them!! I so loved watching Pops with my Pops, eating Pops.

• Need a reason to see Royksopp at Webbie Hall in Zeptember besides learning how to say their name? How bout the bubbliciousness of Annie as an opener. [via Vegan]

• Why didn’t they kill off Olivier Castro-Stahl? He was already dead to me

• One Blog Created ‘every second’. And about one in 4zillionth of them is worth reading.

• I’m a fan of maize, not maize mushrooms [via Menymoney]

• Thundercut.com [via RaggaMuffin]

• 200 Amazing Secrets! [via Meta]

• TWS.org, yer #7 result when searching for ‘underwear pictures of ilan mitchell-smith‘

• Semi-related: John Hughes fan fiction

• Ziyi Zhang, credited as Zhang Ziyi, plays Bai Ling, but not that Bai Ling [NSFW], who is sometimes credited as Ling Bai, in 2046, which opens this tweakend in select markets (aka, not Arkansas). I’m so confused, but I’m still in the mood to pour low-sodium soy sauce all over ZZ, who shouldn’t be confused with Cpt Zzzz and his sidekick SnooZZZZZZZZzeworth [sorta-NSFW].

Seriously, what the fork happened? I mean, who wouldn’t want to pimp an Atari phone in their home?

[via The Atari Museum]
• Vincent Chase would make a whorrible Aquaman

• Set snappages from Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette. Early guess review: don’t bother and juss Netflix Barry Lyndon already!! Related: Kubrick’s final film

• Meet the next group of people you’ll loaf to loathe on next season’s 24: him, her, and her. [via Dark Ho]

• Fiery Furnaces announce a bunch o early football season tour dates. They hit up NYC’s Town Hall on the 14th, in the fitting month of ROCKtober.

• Does this have a chance of being better than this? I dunno, cause the 1st one has no relation to Dakota Fanning.

• How come Electric Six released Senor Smoke in the UK this past February, yet it has yet to hit our shores? Either way, feels free to ‘preview’ it here

• Although Thighs has turned his back on MTV’s The Real World, doesn’t mean he’s turned his eyes away from any NSFWness from Austin’s Melinda

• Vote for yer flavorite cover of my mos flavorite magazine, Time Out New York . I’ll tell ya write now that mine isn’t this one of a cow or this one, which is currently in the lead, but I’m teetering tween the first issue I ever got, ‘Tasha, Meg in a cast, The A to the muther stickin G, Pee-Wee, the flick that’s in a 4 way tie for all thymes breastest in my book, and the one that will probably end up getting my vote, Superjew!

• Jessica Biel makes out with a Pringle, and yet she’s still not attractive. [via Predicure]

• Ism gets Spanish Lohag hate mail

• MIDIes galore in the key of Video Games. They won’t let me hot link to them, but here’s a bunch I blazzle dazzled all over: Blades of Steel‘s Victory, Bionic Commando‘s Level 1, Double Dragon‘s Mission 1, Excitebikes‘s Title, Final Fantasy‘s Matoya’s Cave, Goonies II‘s Cyndi LauperGood Enough stizz, Ice Hockey‘s Game, Zelda‘s Overworld, Pro Wrestling‘s Profile, RC Pro-Am’s Title, Rygar‘s Level 1, Mario‘s Starman Dance AND Doo-Dads Doo-Dads Doo-Dads jounks, Tetris A, and duhvs course, Tyson’s Punch-Out‘s BLANK Stole My Bike. [via Pakulashaker]

• Impress none of your friends with this Washington Natty’s lamp

• Pictures from within the NYC subway system [via Data Doubleya]

• Austria Museum Lets Naked People in Free

• Young Boys Wankdorf Erection Relief [SFW via Fark]

• PACERS, GREMLINS, AND MATADORS!

• Dr Zaius is a playa [b wear of sound]

• And with some newly minted free time, oddly enuff not used for blogging, I’ve been revisiting some moooovies. I gave The Village a 2nd chance, and I muss admit, my opinion has warrick dunn a complete 180. This is Shyamalandingdong at his best and probably one of the most beautiful movies of 2004. Too bad I can’t go back and change my year end Best Of list. I also gave some reloveage to Tim Burton’s Batman. While many people have hailed the new C Bale one as the Holy Toledo Batman Grail, I still stand by version 1.0. I mean can you name a better summer blockbuster since 1989? I can’t. And don’t give me any of this Star Wars or Spiderman jazz!! Burton did everything right, especially make Gotham City into a character all its own. Plus it doesn’t hurt that Billy Dee Williams was in it too. And our final trip down memory lame was devoted to the movie that everyone hates, cept for me and my monkey and his fumndacheese: A.I.. Sure it runs a lil on the long side, but where else are you going to get Senor Spielbergo channeling Stanley Kubrick? If it was the other way around, Full Metal Jacket would have ended with Private Pyle and Gunnery Sergeant Hartman hugging. And don’t sleep on my man Haley Joel Omelette!! The kid was purrrrrrrfectly cast as a robot, since he’s actually related to R.O.B., of Gyromite fame. And although he may have lost his boyhood charm, doesn’t mean the kid is down and out. Dude juss signed-on for ‘an independent coming-of-age drama’. Sounds like a snoozefest and 73/1011ths, but after all he gave us, don’t we owe him?

No doubttle that Sharalovely was gonna top Russian Forbes‘ Richiest list, but who knew that Ivan Stroganoffallovermyleg and Whobitzor Kockoff pocketed such mad rubles? Now how bout a random snapple of Miranda hOtto…

• Zzzzz is still zzzzzing Zzzz

• Probably the breastest drama Lohag will ever star in

• Watch the trailer for Leaf Phoenix’s Walk The Line

• Falkor’s sister slips nip [NSFW]

• I wonder if Eleanor lost Andy is a twisted sex bet with Alex?

• Thank heaven for the Heaven 17 reunion

• Yawning celebrities

• Life juss become a whole lot pointlesserthanzero: The Egg and Muffin toaser

• The Trainspotting tour, NSFW Kelly MacDonald horse riding not included

• Former Miss Newfoundland & Labrador Titleholders Sherylynn Butt

• And are the bootleg Engrish Revenge of the Sith subtitles the new bootleg Engrish Two Towers subtitles? [via Dr Falada]

I don’t care what you all ocean spray cause Charly Church is the bees cheese in the Florida Keys!! These GQ snapples should help to convincevaughn you vincevaughnconartists. I’m so all up in her like me eating a turkey dinner that I should dump HRT the III and send her on the Trans-Siberian RR back at Leningradulations. Buttles how can I do that to her when she au jus tied Lohag the Wurstest the I’s record as the mos interweb sleuthedages for a 5th straight week!! Plus we still have to deal wit Cpt Church’s reforkulous Scientology statements. I got two idears that could easily turn my frown upside down in her crotchenstienville. One is by always doing this NSFWness by the beach (mayor) DAILY, and two, by signing a big money deal to be the face AND body of La Senza lingerie. Please make it so lord cause my mos beatoffable catalog that contains the Vibro-Jelly Vagina & PassionSkin Cock Stroker [both NSFW] has gone from a solid to a liquid to a air.

• Agassi ditches the swoosh for the three stripes. No word on how this will affect the value of the Nike Air Tech Challenge II lava color tennis shoes.

• Forbes, the #1 source of Blogging according to knowone, picks their picks in the best in Blogs. Love for the suspect usuals, but no real sirprizes. I mean, where’s the love for Bandwagon Boy? Anyone who’s knowone who’s banging someone’s sister knows that he’s tops in the Sports genre. The dude DID PRE-dick-t that ‘the Great Lants Armstrong‘ would win the ‘big Torda bike race‘. [via Vegan, who should have been tops in Music]

• Movie Annie, aka Aileen Quinn, sure grews up a whole lot hottier than stage Annie, played by poo-poo nasty head Nose McGee [via Chip of the Ole Block o Cheez]

• Related by name only: Annie’s “Me Plus One” is the free thIghPod tune of the week

• The Dumbest Rules In Sports

• 40-Year-Old Virgin, juss as I thought

• The Adobe offices be mad cooler than yours. At this point, I’d settle for a cardboard box office. [via Datadazzler]

• The Jerk (26th Anniversary Edition) DVD

• Clinton Offered 40 Goats For Chelsea [via 40 Akers]

• Bid on the Bruce Jenner Decathlon Game

• Stop Emo Haircuts! [beware of sound]

• Saw Last Days the last day before today. I’ll abstain from commentary for now, but if yer watching a 97 minute movie and it feels like a 97zillionbillion minute movie you know yer in Gus van Sant’s hands/Turkish prison. Howeva, the dude has a well trained eye for talent and tats (and unfortch pointless man sex). Props for employing the seldom used but Thighmaster approved Haasmiester, and alsofor (the new Okafor) introducing me to the fruitylicious Nicole ‘Sid’ Vicius (although the snap below reveals her odd todd nose, which is a secret Thigh Master turn on, it does not fully demonstrate the power of her Death Star o Hotness).

While the search continues for Holy Tail that is Jenny Wright, may I briefly shift our attention to another long lost 80s screen gem? As I was bumbling round looking for infos on The Boy Who Could Fly, I was reminded of the pulchritudinousnessness girl next door who believed the boy next door was a boy who could fly. She seemed so virginal, yet highly vaginal, and her name be Lucy Deakins. She didn’t have much of a career, sides being River Phoenix’s lil loveita in Little Nikita and Chris Young’s snack bar snack in The Great Outdoors, but nonethebreast, made an impact on a young me. I don’t wanna really want bother her in this day and rage, as she’s since married, dropped the Deakins for Webb, and bore a child, but just kinda wanna make sure that all is well in her world. If you’re reading this former Deakins, I think you’re more splendid than Splenda and would love to buy you a dessert of yer choice at DQ that’s sweeter than you. This offer is not valid in states that don’t observe Daylight Savings Time…

• Congress to extend Daylight Savings Time by 2 fargin months?!??! WTFiddlesticks? First Indiana sells out and now this? I think they’re out to get me and make me sweat my grundle off since I voted for Lohan/Dukakis in ’04. I don’t even wanna think about what’s possible if Heath Shuler Goes To Washington… and not as a sorryarsed QB who cursed the Skins from ’94 on.

• The Charlatans UK ready follow-up to 2004’s Up At The Lake. America still awaits a release of 2004’s Up At The Lake.

• Statler & Waldorf, still more credible than Gene Shalit [via JJ]

• Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny THE TEASER SITE!

• Spank the lord, cause Mr Fantastic would’ve been the mos unfanstatsic choice for 007

• The Chem Bros love on Charlotte Church hates on the Pope

• Coming soon to a theater near you: Evan Rachel Wood’s Citizen Kane, Loverboy, and Frankenhooker.

• Andy Rooney slummin it on a Central Iowa rag? Possib, since I know he loathes Duran Duran.

• The Fingertips Project, in the key of TMBG [via Metafilter]

• Google maps the Moon, and apparently Hitler [zoom in sez Gorilla] Still waiting for one of Endor. They have an older code, but it czechs out.

• (should be left) Undiscovered

• Please, no more Numma Numma knockoffs… hispecially ones that don’t even try [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Keds, the official shoes of Gypsies

• Boof & Stiles love them some beavers

• Toiletgarten

• He Brakes For Midgets

• Point(less) and Cut

• Airline Meals

• Asian People Porking In Cars might juss be the new Catholic High School Girls in Trouble [semish NSFW via My Man Marvkus]

• Anna Smashnova, sorta like Maria Sharapova, cept looks like a shemale hooker from the Gaza Strip Club. But I’m almost US Open to anything…