Thighs Wide Shut

Who do these peoples think they is?

• For once, the end of the NFL season is actually more about the Redskins, and less about my fantasy teams… that juss shat the bed. Oh, by the gay, lick my grundle COWBOYS, AGAIN!!!

• Trace Ayala reacts to ex-fiancee Cuthbest’s current NHL blogging and banging, ‘I love her to death, so whatever happens, happens. We’ve both got so much going on right now.‘ And by ‘going on’, he means masturbating, picking up J-T’s dry cleaning, and spending 6 hours a day anonymously making snarky comments on her blog

• em pee treses that have finally displaced ‘Awesome Gawd’ [d-lode] atop of my broken thIghpod: ‘California 2005’ by Phantom Planet [find it here] and The Gay Cowboy Theme Song from Brokeback Mt [d-lode], which is kinda bitched at swirth with the Princess Bride theme [d-lode] + this bonus fab Finbarr remix [find it here]

• Apparent lie, the White Stripes are the only people on earth allowed to use the color combo of black, white, and red. No word on if they lay claim on the ‘What’s black and white and read all over?‘ joke

• Tina Fey to do the umpossible: make Sacha Baron Cohen unfunny

• Wish I had a Bar Refaeli instead of a Bar Mitzvah

• Maria Sharapova’s Motorola M1000 sold for $7,500. After learning this, I cleaned up the kingdom a bit and sold some of her leftover pubes on eBay. Unfortch, I only gots a paltry 6 roubles

• Why spend 15 bones for the DVD of the vastly overrated Wedding Crashers [review] when you can spend 10 to see the DVD in a movie theater?!

• Primary Colors + Edtv + Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World = the American Dreamz trailer… read: most likely to be one giant poo on a stick

• Cheetos Lip Balm or this…

take your pick puke
[via The Made of Brawn-steeens]

• Things I learned by watching 60 Minutes: Mike Wallace is the most tanned Jew of all time

• Why didn’t someone get license to kill Jodie Lynn Tillen before filming began on License To Kill? I mean, you call this costume designing? NOBODY makes Robert Davi look like a fool and deserves to live!

• How do cats “know” to use litter boxes?… but still no answer as to how Cats stayed on Broadway for so long

• A poster of meat hottier than that 70s Farah Fawcett one

• Richard Branson wants to call you

• Animated Knots by Greg

• A Salute to Salute Your Shorts [via The Mask]

• City Rag Doll reminds us of a grrrrrrrrrreat site that she flazzled from us last year, so I’m flizzling it back this year: Scared of Santa photo gallery

• I dont know either [NSFW]

• Siskel & Ebert uncensored!!!!!!! [via Monkey Helper]

• And I have lil to no frigidaire idear who Alizeé Jacotey is, sides the fact that’s she’s some sorta singer, may actually be Joe Jacoby‘s niece, and hails from the Land of Fries (Thighland’s closet geographical ally), but spanks to Cpt Bees Nuts, I’ll be buttering her croissant and beatin the crap outta her until she can’t stand the au bon PAIN all up in the ’06!!

Tis the season to be gif giving…

• Miami Vice and MI:Whatever trailers

• Rachel and her NSFW ‘friends’ [via not so Shabby]

• A whole lotta love

• Bid on Flags From President John F. Kennedy’s Dallas Limo [via Rider Hard]

• It’s no watermelon

• Kangaroo Jack… off

• And take a wild guess as to what me lady carries in her bag at all thymes?

Click to find out!!

Peace the fork out Routemaster Double-Decker Buses… thanks for the five glorious months you (routes 9,10,52,70) transported my American crunked arse all over Londres (the third greatest city in the world next to NYC and Rockville, MD). Howevs, you are not the greatestist bus of alls thyme. That honor blackman belongs to Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem‘s wheels of brills

• The trailer to Sofia Coppola’s Barry Lyndon [via Spencstastic]

• Blur bassist Alex James speaks of a new album, wigwams, and the evil dude from Beverly Hills Cop I

• What Meg White will be re-gifting in a couple o weeks

• All I Want For Christmas Is To Shove My Cock Down Your Thrizz AND this 1996 NFC Pro Bowl Royal/White #58 Jessie Tuggle Throwback Jersey

We interrrrupt this blazzle to show you this sizzle

• Who was Granny Smith?

• Mario’s Fantasy Women

• Steven Hill’s Movie Titles Screen Page

• YTMND.com, in a new NSFW collector’s edition

• The Immaculate Video Collection of Celebrity Nip Slips! [non YTMND NSFWness via DLT’s comment section]

• The Return of the Pimp Dog, Part Two

• I’m slowly turning into a Jew for Jesus. And here are the first five signs of this apocalypse now:

1) yesterday I broke my Christmas tree shopping hymen, by helping out my mos flavorite northern Vermonsters pick theirs
2) Aslan has replaced Popeyes as Lord
3) ‘Our Gawd Is An Awesome Gawd’ [d-lode] became the #1 downloaded song of all time… on my computer
4) my endless need to eat ham wrapped in pepperoni bacon with pork cheese
5) I turned my menorah into a hookah

• Pinder, the reason Jesus and Thomas Edison invented boobs (real and fake)

• And since mos of you alls have no taste in movies I knows none of yous saw the bestest mos depressingist movie about an Estonian girl directed by a Swedish guy: Lilja 4-ever. But I aint here to judge, juss to pass along the from Russian with loveliness that is Oksana Akinshina aka Оксана Акиньшина aka Tetris Master of ’97 aka possible HRT the XIIXCCXMMXCIL. She was only 15 at the time of filming, but she was more mature and more growns up than a Gheorghe Muresan growth poster (which I actually owned in college), + she looked like a less chunky, more communist version of Michelle Williams. Well I’m happy to report that not only has she reached a ripe age of plucking (amongst other ‘ing’s), and doesn’t really look like Michelle Williams anymo, but is also gaining in Red Scare hotness by the минута (that’s ‘minute’ to you effin racialist capitalist ists). Here’s to you comrade Oksana. You are so calm AND rad!! Xoxoxo on yer Kremlin dildo!!

Never forget yer IIIrd love

[via UMC]

+ Fleur Delacour is naked, THE CLIPS [via Dr Falada]

+ FBI Top Ten Art Crimes [via Monkey Man]

+ Ivanka’s Don’s Dairy Queen?

+ Shave Kyle Orton’s Neckbeard! [via Jayson Blair Warner]

+ World’s scariest vagina [NSFW, duh/boviously]

+ No one loves us

+ Our Gawd, Is An Awesome Gawd

My 10 year high school reunion RULED, cause I was the most popular kid EVER and our school ruled and I ruled the school!!!! All my classmutts got to meet, greet, and bow to the newly minted Mr and Mrs Thigh Master of Thighland!! And My Man Marvkus was there and he even wore his special helmet!!!

• NINE minutes of Narnia footage!!! I only allowed myself to watch a minute of it, but this shiz is gonna be the CHRONIC(les) [via CumSoon]

• Borat responds, in video form, to Kazakhstan’s litigation threats against his alter ego [via CNN/Borat Site]

• Who knew that CC the IV was niggled by her knees?

• The Encyclopedia Britannica commercial kid has a blog, with 98% less mandibula [via Data Dizzle]

• Congratulations Hanes, you have finally created some beatoff matz

• Pat Morita proving that man who fish with chopstick can get press in ’67

• The MySpace Legion Of Extraordinary Stupid Hair Super Heroes!

• 2004 was sorta the new 1861

• Cheerioke [via Crude Feet]

• Most dangerous toys

• Macy’s T-Giving Day Parade of ’89, with bonus footage of NBC’s KILLAH Saturday Night Lineup (227, Amen, The Golden Girls and Empty Nest)

• Bid to own Herbie, which may or may not have Lohag butt stains [via The I-Train]

• Shockey, premature jockularity (stolen from Dan Patrick), gif stizz [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Kate, can we be friendsters with privileges?

• And what’s the bestest advantage of having older siblings? Being exposed to things your really shouldn’t be at many a tender ages. One memory of mammories that stands out in my mind is watching Valley Girl at or around the age of 6. I think that was the berry first time that I saw boobs on TV. I don’t remember much else, but from that day forward, I was hooked for life on the things that most men don’t have, but we all love. I think even gay men love boobs. I know the Bloodhound Gang surely do, but who knows if they are gay or not. Anywho, everyone in that movie showed us their boobs, even Tommy Pickles/Pee-Wee’s bike buddy Dottie/the singer in and of Better Off Dead, eggcept for, I believe, the one lil hottie that Nicolas Cage would stop the world for, just for melting: Deborah Foreman [d-lode the Modern English tune for full effect]. I give her props for keeping her clothes on, but I give her POOPS for being one of the flyest lizadies of the his-eighties who basically fell into b-movie helldom and started to look like crusty Charlotte Rampling in Swimming Pool [NSFW]. Why can’t I invents a time machine and bring Ms Foreman, Dirty Woman, Fly Girl, and The Dolenz, in all their former glories, into the now and make them party with me in a giant jacuzzi… kinda like what Uncle Rico dreamt of with his soul mate. But alas, I can’t invents things and can only write about the wrongs my lil prepubescent eyes had seen. BOOOOOOOOOOBS!!! So, ya think you don’t know who Ms Foreman is? Wellski, did I mention that she was the sultry sultan in Real Genius that made me want to own dress shirts so that one day a nakkid chick could wear my dress shirt, NAKED??