Currently Thighlicious Streets – ‘Hotel Expressionism [d] Lily Allen – ‘Nan You Are a Window Shopper’ [d] Ghostface feat-in Ne-Yo – ‘Back Like That’ [d] Gnarls Barkley – ‘Transformer’ [d]
Pee Es – And I don’t care what our friends from across the pond think or what you think, cause Mischa Barton is probably the mos beautiful girl in the world… hispecially when donin’ a a schoolgirl outfit or when slurping my jimmy jazzum [wish both were NSFW]
PS2 – I bee leave that this is the 1st ever review of a Lily Allen show, from last nite’s shazzle at YOYO
No word on if Steve Guttenberg or Bruce Jenner will be involved, or how true the 2.0 version will be to the late great Rosie the Waitress‘ss one, which is THIGHly recommend viewing… hispecially the construction worker’s ‘I Love You To Death’ pizzle
Radiohead head eastward for June. Good luck gettin tickets. Shits gonna be harder than my cock after watching your moms undress
Paul Oakenfold + Brittany Murphy(?) = ‘Faster Kill Pussycat’ [d vis Rich Wee]
Mandy Moore refunds those who bought her first album that ‘sucked’. If HJs are a form of repayment, I think I’m gonna go buy every copy in eggsistance
Lily Allen interview, cause what’s a day w/o a LA link (not to be confused with LA Law)?
How does Tori Amos and my’s HS go from being the 11th breast in the country to the 15th? I mean, our bell schedule is second to none! ROCKET PRIDE ROCKET POWER
The Proposition Won’t Get Any Props From Me! Trailer
Although westerns usually give me soft-ons, I was ready to get hard after seeing Guy Pearce, John Hurt, Emily Watson, Faramir, and ‘written by Nick Cave’ (yes, that Nick Cave) in the opening credits, which was followed by a flurry of gunfire in scene one. Too bad my semi-lob on was short-lived, as the film sank very quickly into Snoozeville (which, if you didn’t know, is sister cities with Diarrheaburg). Westerns are bloody, dirty, and slow, and this one that takes place in the about to be Commonwealth of Australia at the turn of 2 centuries ago, is all three. However, since a majority of the blood is shed off-screen, sans a man’s head getting blown off, we’re left with nuttin but dirt and slow. If I wanted to see that, I’d masturbate with WD-40 in front of a mirror (actually, if there’s a demand for it, I’ll start selling HD-DVDs!). The premise was kinda decent, outlaw Guy Pearce is mcnabbed by a lawman who PROPOSES that if he finds and kills his even bigger outlaw brother he’d pardon him, but as soon as the always gaunt Guy finds his brother, nothing really happens. And happens is what people want in movie, not nothing. And for some fargticular reason, leads Danny Huston (that jerk in Birth) and Ray Winstone can never convince me that they’re acting. They both seem outta place in any movie they’re in. It’s not that they can’t act, juss they can’t act like the great Faramir, who kinda hams it up here, like the Duke from Moulin Rouge (a muss click). The mos interesting parts of the whole film involved the roles the aboriginal peoples played alongside their white colonizers, but it’s really not something that’s explored. Had they, it would have been a far better movie, not juss another Worst Western.
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): It’s more of a one star film than a zero, but my ratings basically are out of four, and since zero and one basically share a category, and I really needed one movie this year to loathe… Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous
Shiz opens this Friday in NY, and hopefully not other places soon after
I don’t ever want to leave Lily Allen town. If I stay a bit longer I bet I can be mayor AND comptroller!! You won’t wanna leave too when you d-lode a bunch of her bestness here [go 2 the bottom]. Thighly recommended: ‘LDN’ and ‘Knock Em Out’
Mark your calendars messiers: Get A Life screening + Q&A w/Chris Elliot & Adam Resnick, Thursday, May 25 @ NYC’s Cinema Village. Full deetz 4thcummin
Andre the Giant aint gots no love for love child. Apparently no PEANUTS FOR YOU girl!!
There aint enuff Jews to eat a bagel this large. Sadly there aint a lotta Jews period. Imagine if there were more. We’d have 51231774455 channels and everyone would want suck our lox
Twats the bestest word that’s been a part of the English vernacular since the ’04, but hasn’t been uddered much at all on our dirty Christian shores? Chav. So what the goldenfiddlestix is a ‘chav’? ‘cordin to the omniscient Wikipedia, ‘chav’ refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy ‘bling’ jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes such as Burberry / Burkley or sportswear, an uneducated, uncultured, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets, bus stops, or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour.
In America, these kinda people would be a crossbreed of white trash and, the still whore-able-lee monikered, wiggers. Spankfully mos of the chavs hail from the old country, which automatically makes them more cooler than William H Macy givin Coolio an HJ with ice cubes, although some Americans have been given the label, such as Britney, Christina, and 50 Cent.
So why on earth am I brining up this whole chav crap? Cause if I could be one man and bang one woman from the Queen’s realm, I’d be Mike Skinner of the Streets and I’d do Jennifer Ellison of the big tits. And both of thems are textbook eggzamples of all things chav
‘Fit But You Know It (Alternate Version)’ by the Streets wit Kano, Tinchy Stryder, Don’eo (of So Solid Crew) and Lady Sovereign [d via More Milky Way]
Slightly speaking of Lady Sovereign, she’s chav-tastic to the bone and kicks major glass and major payne. She’ll be at Coachella, Lolla, and fittingly, but don’t you know it, opening for the Streets this summer roberts. What this lil grimester sound like? Peep her myspace space or rock her ‘Hoodie’ [d] or its Mizz Beats remix [d]
You are now exiting chav-land…
Last week we praised Lily Allen for having the world’s greatestist myspace background, but had no idea of two things: one, she’s Keith Allen‘s daughter, and two, her music also kicks major glass, in a softer Lady Sovereignish kinda way. Think Feist, but not as coma enducing. You can hear some of her sweet trax on the space of my or go with the only ones I could find for yer d-ing pleasure, ‘Smile’ [d] & this FAB 50 minute mix thingie featuring her shiz + random shazzle like Dizzie Rascal, Rod Stewart, and some yodeling stossel [d]
05. May, 2006 
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