Thighs Wide Shut

Art School Confidential
Good or Bad? Too Clowes To Call!
Trailer

You means to tell me that this basic milk dud of a movie came from the same very minds (Zwigoff & Clowes, which would make for the wurstest monikered law firm) that brought us the mos delicious Ghost World? It would seem more apt if this came from the minds that brought us Good Burger, or better yet, Hamburger: The Motion Picture [trailer]!! It really isn’t a total Amtrak train wreck, or even as big a wreck as Amtrak’s financials, but we the Zwigclowesians eggspect more, not bore! And since the closest any of us ever got to an art school was Claire Fisher‘s misadventures in gayville, you’d figure we’d be treated with the ultimate insider’s view, given the filmmakers’ pedigree, but NOOOOOOOO, all we get are flimsy stereotypes that any one of us coulda conjured up. Am I watching Art School Confidential or am I watching a semi-smarter Van Wilder, that happens to co-star Malkovich and my boy of boys, Jimmy Broadbent? I’ll stop there before I drop a ref to Hot Dog… The Movie, but at least Sophia Myles’ breasts were displayed… for art’s sake

[Abs Sop My]
Recommended for those who like: Isolde but not Tristan, Josef Albers’ Homage to the Square, and that guy

Possible Porno Name: Hard Tool Cons The Dental Dam

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Real Genius [trailer]

Apt MPupil3: ‘I Can See For (Sophia) Miles’ by Boris Laborde [d from BL.com]

IMDb Sweeney: Finneus Egan played the ‘vegan’

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

District B13
aka Banlieue 13
Gerry-Meandering
Trailer

Ahlot like the beyond mediocre-domed Ronin, cept the thumcredible car chase in the middle is replaced by a toecredible rooftop chase scene in the beginning. And the rest, Merde A La Puissance Treize [fish that babble, ya know you want to]!

Recommended for those who like: Luc Besson’s recent ‘writing’, Luc Besson’s recent ‘producing’, and the man who basically begat the Queen Lequeefah/Jimmy Buffoon debacle known as Taxi

Possible Porno Name: Dis Dick B 13 Inches

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix The Running Man [trailer]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Papa t’es plus dans l’coup’ by Ludivine Sagnier [d], cause I’d rather think of her, nekkid [NSFW], then think about anything else French, besides French’s mustard

IMDb Sweeney: HA! Cyril Raffaelli, who’s one of the ‘stars’, did uncredited stunts for… RONIN!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Very Little Merit But Plenty of Merde

until next time, the balcony is clothed…

James Stewart ‘Forced To Bed Hookers’

[32 невероятни vis Mets]
Cuthbest a Heeb?

Nextest Big Horror Subgenre: processed food mascots

Sofia Coppola, gots papa’s last name and everyone else’s idears

SpottingTrains

March 2007 is a long time to wait for director Danny Boy-le‘s next joint, Sunshine, so why snot peek a sneak now! I dare u to try and not laff at the Chris Evans bits

The Trainspottingettes

Raymi’s BONER OF THE WEEK

Found: Raising Arizona‘s H.I. McDunnough?

Here to hear Kasabain‘s unofficial England World Cup anthem/kinda busted cover of Bowie’s ‘Heroes’

the only time you’ll ever see a Wonketttetetzzz link on thighs [Lou Maller]

I need a simple solution, I need…

…to plug that can in as many of her orifices as NYC has edifices

Charles Nagy-ing Reminders:

Bonnie Wright > Frank Lloyd Wright, but also = that’s just not wright

Sarah McLachlan saved DMC’s life and she also saves his cover of Ugly Kid Joe‘s ‘Cat’s In The Cradle’ [d]

Andy Rooney & Public Art, see it again, for the humpteenth thyme, truss me, tits wool-worth’s it

Puritan Blister

we knows the Encyclopedia Britannica kid [vid] had one weblog, but a second one, which is more NSFW than NSFW^{34127809032p4}? I always wondered where his mandibula was

Miguel Cabrera thinks he’s Kelly Leak

I’d still like to kiss Jessica Stein

Can’t help you there dept: Camilla Belle getting a foot message

the 6-pack holder, still America’s #1 animalphobe

Buy the Original Athena Tennis Girl Outfit

[yep, the Daddle]
The Toaster made out of Toast!

Inflatable Chicken Protector

Hey Schjimi… Gimme a cheese with nuttin [El Grippe]

too hot

Game Over [vid]

The Pit of Carkoon [NSFW]

and it’s Wimbelodon (upon) thyme, YO! And besides INVASION, this can mean only one (more like three) things:

Game
Set
Snatch

[Keeley = mostly sweaty NSFW bestness]

Tings Dat Make Me Nipples Perk

Crazy balloon thingies

Crazy boobs that look like balloons [kinda NSFW vis WTFOMGZ]

The news I’ve been waiting for since February 17, 2004: a new album in the ’07 by the band that begat Stereogum’s namesake

The Borat teaser trailer ‘officially’ hits the interwebs, for those who missed out on the shitty YouTube vershes floatin around

The Violent Femmes being added to Lolla’s line-up, which hopefully will spark a ‘Gone Daddy Gone’ a-thon, with Gnarls Barkley, who be also playin that tweakend. Choose yer flava: vanilla [d] o chocolate [d]. Bi the gay, almost a month away, and they already have the set times for every act!!

Al Cabino‘s relentless pursuit to get Nike to peddle Marty McFly’s B2TF2‘s shoes

The hottiest real Jew [NSFW] and the hottiest fake Jew un-jew it up

Ice-T’s Body Count‘s new’s and’s ‘final’s’s album’s includes’ a song called ‘F**k the Cops’. Does that mean that there’s a strong pastability that another track may be called ‘KFC Bitch’? Have fun with them this summer you zany Europeans

Mentioning many moons ago about a long lost ultra cutie from my Julius West middle school daze, who I and everyone else had a crush on, and then having her magically resurface thru Uncle Buck’s House o’ Fun… ironically wearing a Crush tee. Who said GWBush’s inventions was useless?

Lily Allen’s new websight gets the suppes (with nuttin that already couldn’t be found on her myspace page), includin nicked fotos from Dirty Music

t.A.T.u. hit out shores with their friend or faux schtick, kinduv

Free Miami Vice passes

Jack Bauer to fight bagelsmiths and pizzamakers AND the return of the It Man

The dude with the fish eyes and the 18-head sticks with TV [JJ]

Aubrey’s Thread

‘Singing For England’ [PopBitch]

The Silent Library [Mama Kass-hole]

The 5-Second Rule ruling [MasterWani]

And Whatevs & Stereoguts gettin mad propers from Entertainment Weak-Lee

Tings Dat Make Me Nipples Irk

Whatevs gettin mad propers from Entertainment Weak-Lee, but havin them cut Thighs Wide Shut from his list of personal favs. Don’t fret ma, Latin Inches said they’d publish his whole list!

Hermione Granger gettin more (jailbait) love than Ginny Weasley

Dawn Tinsley not marrying Tim Canterbury

Michael Jackson and his Methods and Means for Creating Anti Gravity Illusion [Pakula Shaker]

The Frat Pack Tribute

The lawnmower boy meetin Her Former Royal Thighness the VI Warshawski‘s rents

Anything involving Orlando Bloom, who went and did something with someone almost as boring as himself

The New York Mets fan celebration song, ‘Our Team. Our Time’ [The Thinker]

Microwaved tunafish

Human muppets [UNKLE]

What San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker did in 1978, thus ruining it for the res
t of us

The Lyrebird [Menyinc]

Ken Jennings’s blog

Waldo

That dang ceiling cat

And how I never willed what AT&T said I will

Doesn’t help much that AT&T as we the nia peoples knew it is gone daddy gone (a-thon)

Guess who rides my face and will soon be the face of Vera Wang? No, not Jazil, but said person, spank the lordidly, juss got a release date (8/25) for her Elisha Cuthsplurt über-hotslutness-fest, aka The Quiet. I advise anyone in the NYC area to not go and see it opening weekend as I will be buying every ticket and dropping my pants from scene one til kingdom cum

[mora]
Lucas wants Connery back for Indy 4

I want Lucas gone for 4 Ever

They named the dog Indiana

I went to Indiana

Sometimes I wish I was both gay and famous. Cause cock slurpin or not, every XYer love boobies

Apparently Marvel wasn’t so amused by Ang Lee’s climax featuring Nick Notle as super-electro-blah-blah man either

The Kubrick screenings galore at Queens’ MOMI are nice and all, but who’s coming with me later this year to Ghent, Belgium for the world touring SK eggzibit?

Or how bout to London to see Jennifer Ellison‘s boobs as Roxie Tart in Chicago? Yes, she can sing, or at least she’s been known to, as her song ‘I Don’t Care’ [d | WMvid] kinda proves. But who needs to hear when all one needs to do is leer (and I aint talkin about ‘reading’ in Spanish. yo, and I aint talkin about ‘I’ either, yo!) At least she isn’t traipsing around town, dressed up as a boy wizard…

[mora]
oops

What do David Bowie, Orlando Boo, Coldgayer Chris Martin, the real Harry Potter, Gandolf, Mrs Peel, and Stephen Fry all have in common? They is the latest fantabulous folks to enlist in Ricky G’s follow-up failure to the Office, Extras. Someone let me know when season two airs so I can cancel my HBO subscript

Rumor has it that if you beat the fork outta Dakota Fanning she’ll sing and dance like Elvis

Someone call Father Dowling or even the Coz cause wees got many Mike Skinner girl mysteries abound. I mean, who doesn’t wanna know who the ‘When You Wasn’t Famous’ girl is, or whomever Mrs ‘Fit But You Know It’ is be, since Mr St recently denied that Rachel Stevens waz the fittest who knew about it

Ziyi Zhang to make wangs pang in a live action Mulan?

Why are rock fans so stupid? GN’R UK Edition!

Zach Braff to get Mandy Moore all bombed and stoned, and shit

‘Mr. T is a good dude‘ [Alan J Pakula Shaker]

Carrie Porter loves to take advantage of tools and heads of radios

Welcome to Lily Allen (+ other musical fun) Central

‘Friday Night’ [d]
‘Friend of Mine’ [d]

[LA-HerSpace | MetroDis]
The return of Weird Al, bluntly

Flux Capacitor‘s got 2 tracks from Fiery Furnace brother Matt’s solo stazz. I’ve heard enuff to say that he should dump his sister on the side of the road, or wherever tits con-veen-yant for Alex K to pick her and her boots up

More Paris Hilton songs leak, luckily not complete versions. Is this a modern day Hanoi Hilton torture center? If so, John McCain and meself would like an early check out please

The coolest sdtrk no one’s ever heard of: All This and World War II, featuring Beatles covers by Peter Gabriel, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Keith Moon, and many mandy more. Be sure to try the Frank Valli ‘Day In A Life’ mp3 on for
size thighs

I’ve given up and given in to blog cent-say-shun Beirut. One twirl of ‘Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)’ [d] and you will be too

Enjoy the silence… er, or not!

Tell me you already discovered Party Ben‘s latest mash-up gem ‘Death Cab for Maddy’

And cause everyone loves mash-ups, or mashed potatoes if yer Sir Paul McSmartie [RetroSlice], here are two I’ve been Jaziling all over myself, spanks to P-Blister, which should be a daily visit for anyone with a thIghpod

Nicky T‘s ‘Crazy Wish’ [d]
Lenlow‘s ‘To The Taxmobile’ [d]

I think I’ll pass on the ’80s Puma Pedometers and try my hard-on-est to find these ’90s Apple Logo shoes given out to employees only

[A Tribe Called Viking Quest]
The 1st Annual Scolari Awards

Where is Podunk?

My Pet DMV

Man steals 60 Blockbuster video games – in his pants [Hackerzz]

Jerry Lewis doing his bestest JFK sucking glass imitation

Garindan or Gonzo?

Picture Of The Day

Civil war may break out one day in Michigan over who has the WORLD’s largest cherry pie

the breatest Phriday Photochop that I could never ever create

At least you’re not this guy…

And while we ready ourselves for USA’s first World Cup contest at 11:55am EST, feast yer thighs on the mos perspiring lower third boob showingist Brittie, Keeley Hazell (makes my) nutz (hexplode)

[mora where u came from]

Dude: Starls Barkley!!

No man is an island: and no woman is as fine as SB Cohen’s fiancée Isla Fisher

all the above + Borat and much mo when the pointless MTV Movie Awards airs (taped) this Thursday

Ass promised: Lily Allen‘s cover of the Kaiser Chiefs’ ‘Oh My Gawd’ [d]

Joining Tom Carvel in that peace the fork out pie in the sky: Mr Mister Softee

Edgar Stiles will never go outta style: the EGGSclusive promo to his Life’s A Pizza flick AND a soon to be dad AND husband (wait, are they both preggers?)!!

Battle of the funny commmmmences this fall between the Borat movie and: Jackass: Number Two [For Hires Root Beer]

More irony than reading T-K Stack Money’s Pumping Irony while ironing a box of Total cereal: Jeffery Maier joining the Orioles?

Brothers gonna work it out: the Weinsteins in talks to take on Gorillaz movie. Don’t be sirprized if their muse Gwyny pops up in there somewhere

Decline of Western Civilization Part MIXLIX: Video games push for Olympic recognition [Marwanicur]

Oh, so that’s what that is: Sometimes I’m a bit behind on things. This go around I owe it to the fact that I rarely watch the Grammy’s Lame-y’s or listen to anything by Linkin Park (ok, anything besides ‘The End’ [d]). But I may have changed my tune as my ears have been glued to dat Jay-Z/Linkin Park mash-up ‘Numb/Encore’ [d | WMvid] ever since I fingered out dat dat is the song featured on dem Miami Vice trailers. Jan Hammer [d] who? Btw, I’m totally jazzed for this flick. I think it has mad po-tense-hole, hispecially with CH on board, who’ll also be seen in Noah Baumbach’s 2007 joint

Corky‘s #1 Fan: Mischa Barton’s mum

And cause you probably didn’t click on that Corky link above: Life Goes On‘s Chris Burke has a band, and yes, they’re touring. And yes, I have already marked 9/17 on my calendar. And yes, I’m not joking cause CORKY RULESS!!!

Sarah McLachlan’s music saves lives: see Darryl ‘DMC’ McDaniels‘ for proof. The two even dueted on DMC’s ‘Cats In The Cradle’ remake ‘Just Like Me’ [vid]

Dry your sweat, mate: Mike Skinner, aka the world’s effin greatest artist that’s a year younger than me, signs up for the NY Marathon

Is it football season yet?: No, but it’s almos futbol season!! And if yer an American rooting for some other country, go eat Hedwig’s dick and die die die! You Talibanistical jerknuts!!

[Muse of Hoax]
More shocking than Jeremy Shockey: Methinks I have unraveled the ‘inspiration’ for the American Idol theme song [d]. Listen to it 1st, and then listen to the guitar and crowd cheering at around 1:26 on the Utah Saint‘s ‘Something Good’ [d], featuring Kate Bush. Hmm, guess nothing about that show is original

Page still sexier than Ellen: 3 [NSFW]

The ‘IT’ Boy: Gregory Itzin/President Logan and his EPIC 24 poem (a muss click for ANY 24 fan)

Future yumscrubber: Camilla Belle Jr?

A reason to go all 88mph and shit again: the sorta rebirth of the DeLorean Motor Company! For even more DeLorean love, visit Tamir’s pre-shmear site!

Hold yer horses & hormones: ‘Lesley Ann Warren takes HRT‘

Can’t decide what to stare at more: Christina Ricci‘s boobs or mouse ears

Bruce Wayne waxed: Jill St John?

Insert middle-school Asian kid joke here: The Nerd Watch Museum

Where to fill yer Rated Rookie jones’n: The Baseball Card Blog

Cecil is dope: Who invented tampons? & Is some candy coated with beetle juice? & Why do you always see just one shoe by the side of the road?

Why bother with TV’s summer line-(d)u(m)p when there’s: TV In Japan

King Henry Died Monday Drinking Chocolate Milk: English ‘Johnny’ mnemonics

Yes it does: BluRaySucks.com

LOL name that a PR firm mistakenly thought yers drooly went by when they contacted me: John Stosseled

Spanking of those who stoss-ss-ss-le: Famous People Who Stutter, and where sum of dem found help, like Darth Vader and Xander

Somewhere Darwin’s smiling at this way for the fit ladies to survive: How to Make a Plastic Bag Bra

The Thigh Master’s latest non-endorsements: Lies Wide Shut & the Thigh Master [kindaish NSFW?]

I no that known of you click the links that hide beneath the Photochop Phryday mastercheeses, so: Rate My Poo [NSFW]

STOP THE PEREZES: PARIS HILTON SONG LEAKED (and for a shitty lil pop numba, it’s really not THAT bad, and I even kinda dig the Wendy Carlosish Clockwork Orangeee opening), and…

and who gives a flyin fjord who wins and who loses in women’s tennis, juss as long as the hotties keep sproutin up. Say hello to my new lil Slovakian friend whom I’d love to slowfcukin’in all night shlong, Daniela Hantuchova

+ meat my new hero: a San Franciscan boy has until Friday to raise 7k+ in order to land a date with chavilicious Lady Sov, who recently agreed to take part in this geniusessness of internetsing, but if and only if all the money is raised and spent like so

Lady Sovereign – ‘Cha Ching’ (cheque 1-2 remix) [d]