Thighs Wide Shut

Hot Fuzz
Much Buzz
Trailers

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What the world needs now, is love laffs, sweet love laffs. Unfortchenetlee, we cannot count on our New World brethren to help in this effort. Too many weeks go by with some new refarted American comedy being forced into every cineplex odeon across the land. Even the ones that are suppose to be or that are supposedly good, never end up that way, at least in my mind. Den it’s a damn fine thang that the British are having a comedy renaissance and us peeps on this side of the pond are beginning to eat it up. There’s been a huge void ever since Monty Python’s circus flew away (and no, cheeky Hugh Grant flicks don’t count), but spanks to such hotness as Sacha Baron Cohen and Ricky Gervais, these Limeys are here to challenge the poop that the poop factories have been pooping out. While plenty other Brits are making a name for themselves back home, most of them have not yet hit up our radar screens. Gruesome twosome actor/writer Simon Pegg & director/writer Edgar Wright are mere steps away from being blips on our screens to becoming full blown Hollywurst playas like Ricky & Ali G

Pegg & Wright made quite the international splash with their rom-zom-com Shaun of the Dead, and the splash, as well as the laffs are much munch bigger with their hilarious Hollywood action movie send-up, Hot Fuzz. Armed with a lotta guns, a lotta fun, and quite an impressive cast (Jim Broadbent, Timothy Dalton, Paddy Considine, Cato & Pompey Magnus and many many many others!), Pegg & Wright hand in what will arguably be the funniest film of the year. While some dramas run long at 2 hours, most comedies run too too long at 1 hour. Clockin in at 2 hours, Fuzz never loses its buzz at all, spanks in part to the yucks provided by Pegg’s cuddly BFF Nick Frost and the sirprizingly engaging Wicker Manish storyline that keeps this shiz hotter than a Pat O’Brien voicemail message

CameOH Snap!: look out for LOTRingers Cate Blanchett (Pegg’s ex) and Peter Jackson (Santa)

What’s All The ‘Fuzz’ About: Ask Yahoo! hexplains how police got the nickname ‘fuzz’

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show•

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La Doublure (The Valet)
Stuck Somewhere Between Neutral and Reverse
Trailer

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While the British are off fighting the war of US comedic dominance, the French are once again basically no help to anyone but themselves. In their native tongue, they excel in romance, occasionally thrillers, but rarely do their comedies, I mean comédies, strike a universal chord with our shallow hearts. Writer/director Francis Veber is king of French comédies, but that might not mean anything to you and me. Well, what if I told you that the Oscar nominated Veber is king when it comes to having his work remade into successful Hollywood fare? Ever hear of The Birdcage, The Toy, The Man with One Red Shoe, Quick Change and/or Three Fugitives? If yer a fan of any of those, and I’m sure yer a fan of multiple of dems, then you have Verber to thank

Verber’s latest, The Valet, sounds great on paper, but as we all know by now, films aren’t made on paper. Hell, most of them aren’t even made on film anymore! The Valet centers around an outta luck shlub (I’ll give you one penny if you can guess his occupation) who, through circumstances and circumcisions not worth getting into, gets mixed up in one rich man’s affair affairs. In order for said rich man to carry on said affair and not have his sugar mommy of a wife find out, the shlub is hired to act as the boyfriend of the affairette. The affairette is a knock-out model, and since he’s a shlub, hijinks should boviously ensue. By the time that ball gets rolling, the film basically ends, leaving us with less chuckles than a bag of Chuckles. Spankfully The Valet is set to be remade by the Bros Farrelly. While they themselves have been hit or miss as of late, it’s still a purty solid bet that their version will utilize the comedic potential far butter than it’s Frenchie older brother

Unsatisfied with this? forget about the laffs and get serious by Netflixing the single greatestest french movie of the past 15 years, Mathieu Kassovitz’s beyond brills La Haine [trailer]

Van HOT Damn!: whilst wees was darn wet between our thighs watchin Virginie Ledoyen on the big screen again, our eyes got even more wettter peering at Alice Taglioni, although unfortch not in NSFW mode this go around

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

In The Land of Women
The Big Shrill
Trailer

If you’re a girl who loved Adam Brody as Seth Cohen on The OC, you’ll probably be the only ones who could possibly walk away from this pointlessly melodramatic dreck fest with something positive to say. The rest of us, and the ladies with taste, will be running for the exits as soon as the end credits start their scroll. In the simplest of terms, In The Land of Women is a really really sad attempt at making a Garden Statesque flick, which itself, was a really really sad attempt at making a Graduatesque flick. Hell, I wouldn’t even classify Women as a film, but more like a 90+ minuted commercial selling a hipper than thou soundtrack. Me hactually bee leave that the writer and director placed more of an emphasis on the songs than the script itself. If that were true, it sure would explain a lot… although Olympia Dukakis and Makenzie ‘sister of that frumpy Spy Kids girl’ Vega do their best to keep this Lusitania afloat

Nepotisim does not always rule in the world of directors. While Nick ‘Son of John’ Cassavetes and Sofia ‘Daughter of that dude who directed Jack‘ Coppola have proven their worth, I still don’t buy into these other kids’ work. Many were fans of Jason ‘Son of Ivan’ Reitman’s Thank You For Smoking, but I wasn’t (wonder if it has anything to do with Adam Brody’s bit part in it?). Women was written and directed by Jon, son of Lawrence ‘I wrote the screenplay for The Empire Strikes Back‘ and brother of Jake ‘I directed Orange County so I guess that makes me a bona fide director’, Kasdan. And if you weren’t clear if Jon had actually directed the film, here are sum pics to prove it. I’m sure these papas are awfully proud of their brood, but I have to take out the ‘r’ and the ‘d’ and say boo. There are only so many movies that Hollywood releases per year, and while a majority of them blow worse than Durham prosecutors, is it really necessary for a percentage of those to be directed by these kids who grew up on a set? Time will only tell, so in he meanwhile I pray that David Fincher’s child follows in his footsteps and puts these other cats’ heads in a box

Thighmistress sez this about In the Land of Skinny, Hunched Over Bitches: Kristen Stewart officially makes me want to kill myself. Stand up straight and stop touching your face you WHORE. Oh, and when did Meg Ryan sign up for a crazy ass Botox face? This movie was chock full of annoying people, annoying situations, annoying pseudo-clever banter, and the only funny parts were with Olympia Dukakis as a shriveled up old hag who keeps reminding Adam Brody of her imminent death. I liked the scenes with Adam and Meg, however, their whole relationship was ultimately super weird and actually felt sort of creepy and Oedipal in the end. PS no one actually has huge emotional epiphanies while standing in the rain, seemingly unaware that they’re getting wet. In real life EVERYONE notices they’re getting wet. That’s what she said

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix daddy’s The Big Chill [trailers]

IMDb Sweeney: Kadsan mother Meg aint no slouch either! Bizatch was nominated for an Oscar. Wonder who’se film that was for!

Van HOT Damn!: I so want to habla con Elena Anaya, a NSFWer to keep an eye and a thigh on!

In The Land of Women opens in theaters this Friday
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until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Black Book (Zwartboek)
A Dutch Treat
Trailer

When it comes to cinematic duos nuttin tops the twosome of graphic violence and gratuitous nudity (aka guns n’ titties). And no one has been able to meld the two so fluidly time and time again like the high flying Dutchmen Paul Verhoeven. Before leaving his mark in Hollywood with such blockbuster entertainments as RoboCop, Total Recall, Basic Instinct and the beyond bestness that is Starship Troopers, Verhoeven was creating quite a body of work in his native tongue and land of Holland. Well it seems that after Hollow Man underwhelmed (aka sucked the ass of a nekkid AND invisible Kevin Bacon) back in the ’00, V’ho decided to take a break and reevaluate. Seven years later, he’s back with a film that embraces his earlier, more personal films with the kiss kiss, bang bang mentality of an American studio’s bi-product. The film in question is called Black Book, and to be as direct and cheesy as possible, it’s a page turner!

The most expensive and commercially successful Dutch film ever made, Black Book is tale about one Jewish women’s quest to stay alive in Nazi-occupied Holland towards the end of the world war with two capital i’s. Before you start puttin on yer sleepin mask and Zzzzizzing like Rip and Rob Van Winkle, this isn’t your usual JeWWII pity party. It’s a riveting thriller packed with plenty o’ shootouts, double crosses, and since it’s a V’ho joint, nudity! Hell, can you name the last time you saw a chick paint her vagina on screen (not to be confused with West Virgina, snatch!)? And if you do, would you mind emailing me cause I think it’s my new mos flavorite genre mt everest!

Unsatisfied with this? DON’T Netflix Little Black Book [trailer] , but DO FLIXNET Verhoeven’s similarly themed/Rutger Hauer starrin’ Soldaat van Oranje (Soldier of Orange) [trailer]!

de Lint Picker: Derek de Lint is quite the global actor. Besides kickin’ it all Dutch like an oven, the dude has also appeared in Three Men & A Baby, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Deep Impact and TV’s China Beach

Van HOT Damn!: Carice van Houten can not only act, but she can also paint a ‘gina like no other! Here’s hoping that the NSFW beauty continues to make men produce Hollandaise sauce for years to cum!

Rental Round Up(dog)

Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man
[Trailer]

No one in the world has a cooler voice than Canadian-Jew songster Leonard Cohen. Too bad this sometimes documentary/mostly tribute concert film doesn’t let his voice be heard all that much. While I’m glad many contemporary artists like U2, the siblings Wainwright, Nick Cave, et al, are all big fans of the LC, but besides Jarvis Cocker’s stirring rendition of ‘I Can’t Forget’, this film is purty much forgettable. Tis a shame considering it will probably be the only doc to chronicle the life of the Ladies Man
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until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Is there a difference between Tracy Morgan & Tracy Jordan?

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remembering Nintendo Power mag’s debut… dude, Rygar was robbed in the player’s poll!!

Norman Chad’s describes a typical Pete Rose day… it takes one gambler to know another, and remember kids, you gots to know when to hold them, know when to fold themm, know when to walk away and yes, know when to run

Angela & Pam, off-screen BFFs… who doesn’t love when women touch bras and panties AND things?!

The 50 Greatest Local TV Commercials (That I Could Find on YouTube)… I know tits bona fide cause look what came in at #50!

Eat at Azamat’s… is it any good? and does one have to watch out for hairs in their sangwiches?

Top 10 Other Things that Han Shot that Didn’t Shoot at Him First & The Greedo Assassination Conspiracy Page… wonder if Greedo shot JR and Agt Cooper? And wonder which one of yous is gonna buy me this HOTT arsed shirt?

Nice (Wine) Rack!… that’s what I said!

yes, spanks for not askin, but we still do love our current Royal Thighness, Ms Watling…