Thighs Wide Shut

Daft Punk
Keyspan Park
Coney Island
August 9th

I finally got an answer to that age olde question that has been plaguing scienastrologists for ages: What kinda concert do two French robots put on? Happarently one of the most RAWKinest ones mt EVERest and mt BLANC! With the imagery of Tron, THX-1138, the Star Wars arcade game, Intel, and the Masons, Daft Punk pieced together the mos bananas and grapefruit ear and eyegasams of this new century! While they may only be two dudes juss twiddling knobs to pre-recorded music inside a pyramid, I still wouldn’t trade the eggspeareance in for 17 live Jimi Hendrix guitar solos. Wait, what the hell am I saying? Anyblaze, the non-stop mix they played got the usually tame/lame NYCers toe tappinin and hands clapinin from the get go to the get end. I mean, they may be robots, but they is human after all!

and oh yeah, the other nite at the Beacon, we totally JOed to Chris Isaak, juss like it was the ’06

and oh yeah, schlappy 75th bursday LEGO!

Inside Paris (Dans Paris)
Inside Out
Trailer

I always say that foreign films can get away with a lot more than American ones can just because they’re in another language. But at the end of the day, or the week for that matter, even if yer speaking Esperanto, you still have an obligation to entertain your audience. Well, like Dans Paris‘ troubled protagonist Paul, I too was contemplating jumping off a balcony after I struggled to stay awake through this self-indulgent French film. This wasn’t a complete snoozefest, as I did like all of the characters in the film, but I just didn’t understand where they were coming from or where they were going to. Dans Paris tries to put all the jigsaw pieces together in its emotional third act, but by that time, the audience is closer to drained, than being entertained

Game For This Gamine: Joana Preiss may be a model, but she looks too much like Sandra Bernhard to get our mr mojo risin’. That’s why we pledge our amour to cutie patootie Alice Butaud, who on second thought, kinda also looks like Sandra Bernhard. In that case, we throw our baguette in the general direction of Marie-France Pisier, who may be an oldie, but still a NSFWie

Been There, Done Him?: don’t confuse this film with the male porn Inside Paris, ‘where you’ll find your tower just as erect as the Eiffel‘

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Un Certain Mérite, Mais Ceci Ne Mérite Aucun Insigne D’Odeur

Inside Paris (Dans Paris) opens in limited theaters today
and opens elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

I aint no Trekkie, but this might go down as one of the mos on-pointestist casting calls of balls thyme

Falkor’s Sister lesbian dancing on the set of the t.A.T.u. flick and a big fan of fruit-roll up dresses

The 2nd Ave Deli hated old people, and apparently still hates the idea of being open for bidness

Warhol vs Bansky

who wouldn’t want to go Downes on Katie? [NSFW]

André Gower digs up sum mo Monster Squad deleted scenes that didn’t make it onto the recent DVD set

speaking on DVDs, why the hell was I not alerted about the Voyagers! box set? Don’t know what I’m talkin about? It’s a show like Quantum Leap, cept less lame and less Bakulariffic. Breast In Peace Jon-Erik Hexum!!

to hell with the Alamo, cause you should never forget when Bea Arthur & Star Wars joined forces for the first and last thyme

finestestest way to waste 13 minutes: Google Image search the TWS dot WHOREg

is it football season yet? for this Redskins fan, he never has to ask such a question [Roachclip]

If I could captain one boat, it would be De Pannenkoekenboot (for you idjiots who can’t finger it out tis a Pancake Boat!!) [Ad Mich]

Rygar glitches

it’s no Red Sauce on Pasta, but it’ll do

[Wrestle wit Jimmy, which is kinda NSFW]

and if for those still knot in the knows, The Flight of the Conchords are truly the kneessszz beeszzz. While Tenacious D are kinda funny, these Kiwis are kinda the fourth bestest comedic musical group mt EVERest, behind Weird Al, Spinal Tap and the unintentionally hilariousnessness of Rockapella. Anywho, in anticipation of a full album due out on Sub Pop in the ’08, a small lil 6 song EP was released today called The Distant Future. It includes studio versions of ‘Business Time‘, ‘If You’re Into It‘ & ‘Not Crying‘ + live rendishes of ‘The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room‘ & ‘Robots‘. A muss have for any Conchords fan (I hear Mel camped out for 8 months), cause even without the videos, the songs shine on their own when you juss focus on the music

The Ten
Unlike Spinal Tap’s Amps, This One Doesn’t Go To Eleven
Trailers & Mo

What if I told you that there’s a film starring Jessica Alba, Adam Brody, Bobby Cannavale, Paul Rudd, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, Rob Corddry, Winona Ryder, Liev Schreiber, Oliver Platt, Ron Silver, Justin Theroux, the entire cast of The State (sans Michael Patrick Jann), and it’s written and directed by the dude that gave us Wet Hot American Summer (yeah, I know he was in The State, so shut the front door!)? With a power line-up like that (maybe 2nd best to the NL All-Star team on RBI Baseball), you’d say how could this not be the comedy feast of the year? I was spraying the same thing to myself, going into a screening of The Ten, a set of sorta-intertwining sketches about the ten commandments, like Kieslowski’s Dekalog, cept their ‘version is much shorter and (mostly) does not take place in Polish apartment building.’ That line was taken from the press notes bit entitled Ten Things You Need To Know About The Ten, which sadly, is almost funnier than the entire movie. Not to say that The Ten doesn’t have it’s moments (Wynona Rider! Stealing! A ventriloquist’s dummy! AND having sex with it!), but all around, it’s just not as funny as it could have been. Where Paris, Je T’Aime [TWS review]’s vignettes had an even hits to misses ratio, The Ten could only wish it could break even. Maybe Gawd shoulda added an 11th commandment: thou shall not waste a golden opportunity to make one fargin beerlarious movie. Amen and awomen!

I Command You: to rewatch Mel Brooks as Moses deliver us some helpful tablets

10 Things I Hate About Bo Derek: dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows & dem cornrows… wait, how’d those last two get in there?

1 Thing I Don’t Hate About Bo Derek: when she gets all NSFW on us!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But Not Stinkin Badges

The Ten opens in limited theaters tomorrow and elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

改造スパルタンXとかをあの人にやらせてみた indeed!

+ personal pics from the set of Back of the Future taken while this dude was a security guard at Universal Studios

+ Lucy Pinder & Sophie Howard ontspannen aka NSFW!!