Thighs Wide Shut

• Looks like we’ve almosdef reached the end of the road in Chimpmunk Lynndieland, but it’s never too late for Doing a Lynndie!

• Why does Ho-han looks like a frumpy dumpy microwaved version of Natalie Portwine, and other pics from the 7th Annual Young Hollywood Awards. One of our Thighs Spies was there and although there was much hotness abound, our agent could not help but be thighsmerized by the young talent of 15-year old Hayden Panettiere. And what kinda lass name is dat? Is it a place u can eat pressed sandwiches or is it a place to buy panties? Story to be legally followed up in 3 years time.

• Martin wants to be a FREE-MAN from comedies!!!@#$$$ “One can only hope for a part as a paedophile child killer to break out of it.”

• I’m afraid of Americanzzzzz.

• Wow!

• No!

• Who is this Trent guy anywayz? Why do people keep asking him questions? And should I be scared that he has me surrounded by men wit der shirts off?

• The Ten Best Lesbian Scenes in Mainstream Movies. Twat, no LOVE for the Mulholland hotties? [NSFWness via G-zilla]

• Jenny Wilbanks bitched @ swirthy with crazy Brazilian-eyed girl? [call via Guns n Rosenthal]

• MySpace’s myspace is lame-o. How cum I can’t make myself my own bestest friend? I have so much in common with me!! But dat doesn’t mean that you can’t all be my friends and send me wet hot american emails!

• It’s been only 2 days since we last saw each other, but Cuthy’s still round & hittin the town, while I’m busy making the world safe for animated rape porn. Althoughski I would have loved to hold hands with my main squeeze-box, I am kinda glad I got to skip out on Paris Hilton’s wax figure unveiling at NYC’s Mad Two-Swads. I mean, she’s made of wax to begin with. Picture proof positive…

• Wees got a New Public Enemy #1 of Thighland: Cuthbert’s Dad, for banning our lovely lass from ever stripping! The dude easily replaced Alba’s dad.

• And if that’s the case, is she the REAL Her Royal Thighness?

• Listen to Katie Holmes’eses dad blab about Tom! By the way he sounds, you’d think he was dating TC. [via Megbot]

• Andy Rooney dogs on the TB Devil Rays. Is there a greater American than him?

• CLAIRE DANES LIVES!!!

• Yummy Catalina Sandino Moreno to star in movie about things that are yummy.

• Pictures of Narnia

• I can dig on dis.

• Will Conan replace his sword with a guitar that shoots bullets?

• Sodersnooze times 6. Gag me with some poon.

• Hopefully the Mould isn’t mouldy.

• Without the sunglasses and corn, this is what I look like. Also, I have the the personality of Seth Cohen and the heart of Ryan Atwood. I may juss be the perfect man.

• Damn you all to hell Chewbacca. You are such a whore. Why can’t you be more like R2-D2, who loves boobies!

• Mr & Mrs DataWhat? point out even more similarnessness between Starship Troopers and Firefly (the thing that came before the Serenity flick). Apparently, when they filmed the TV pilot, and were in dire need of military-e lookin uniforms for the bad-guys, Fox simply wiped the dust off sum of dem ones the Starship Troopers rocked, and presto, problem solved! Bitched @ Swirth indeed! By the gay, every movie or TV show would be that much better if they utilized Casper Van’s bum [NSFW]. Related: even more copy cats.

• Home of the WOPR Part II? More like a WOPR with cheese!

• Anyone else fell like humping rabbits?

• When two becomes 1

• The Airfare Blog. Look for the pull-down menu fo YO city. NYers click here. [via Itzr Richie Richard]

• I’ve joined MySpace. Feel free to bother me.

• That is so 11th grade.

• So, who wants to drive me to Gizmos & Gadgets?

• PontiFFahrvergnügen. I don’t speak German, but whatever that means, can’t be funny.

• …and now a random fact about Vin Diesel: [keep refreshin via Gid]

• Rtm86

• Pink is the New Blog [via Gorilla Mask]

and three gems from Zach de la Roachclip…

• The Llama Song

• Hippo eats dwarf?

and

• Coachella set times are posted. Note to those going: The Fiery Furnaces are playing outdoors and not in a smelly tent so you have no eggscuse snot to peep them and their lovely lovelyness.

• I wonder what Dawson and Pacey think of this???#@?! Well, the peep-holes hath spoken.

• LOHAN ACCUSED OF SURGICALLY ENHANCING LIPS

• Lettuce all pray (you too womensz) that Alba changes her stance about nudity when Sin City 2 & 3 get going.

• Ricky G’s Extras has been picked up stateside by The BO! [via Zeit]

• Steve Hartman’s yard sale

• Anyone else miss ‘the early days of Paige Six: posting smutty pictures‘?

• Free passes in various cities for Cinderella Man

• Gov’mint trying again with the dollar coin. Boo-urns to that! At least they realized that no one wants a woman on our coins. Sorry bizatches, but tits true!!

• Bid on Lunch with Paul Simon and Chevy Chase at Gramercy Tavern. And maybe you can call them (p)Al. [via The Gum]

• Ladies of Star Trek [via Gorilla Masq]

• The Big Easel

• Louis Armstrong’s ‘Oops, I Did It Again’ [via Itz Richy]

• Zoo Wants Chimp To Stop Smoking

• Bestest Coz quote of ’05: “Yooooooouuuu seeeeee, me Dizzzzeee think that this is a flazzication of numerous tumorous flizzumations! And your association with the assassination of Haitian nations is both bozzle worthy and flozzum and jetsum like George Jetson!!! Theoooooo!!!“

• Some People juss have no taste. Julia Oral Roberts as yer cover girl? What the fork has she dunn all year? Spankfully not act in movies. MONA LISA SNOREZZzzz!! Wellie, they at least gots some of dem right, but here’s my list of the Top 50 Mos Hottiestest People (in pardickular order): Jude Law, Peabs & Coz, Mandy & Dinty Moore, Alba, Falkor & his sister Mischa, Joe Gibbs, Gabrielle Union, Clive Owen, Uncle Ben, Miranda Otto, Ziyi Zhang Ziyi, Wink Martindale, Rachael Ray, Charlton Heston, Jane Jetson, Tom Welling, Lukas Haas, Brande Roderick, Diego Luna, John Stossel’s mustache, my mum & dad, Camilla Belle, Pat O’Brien, Monica Blue-cheese [NSFW], Eleanor and Matt Friedberger (the real FFs), Keira ‘I spank of u’ Knightley, Martin Freeman, Natalie Portwoman, Brad from ‘Hey Dude’, Peter/Liam/Noel Gallagher’s eyebrows (all count as one person), Marcia Cross, Numa Numa dude, Mayor McCheese, Judge Reinhold, Devon ‘The Owl’ Aoki, Ignatius J. Reilly, Kate Boosworth & Orlando Boo, Tippi Hedren, the Utz girl, Neil Diamond, the Kid, Jessica Fletcher, Eric Thomann, that foxy Maid Marion from Disney’s Robin Hood, and duhvs course, yer Royalistic King & Queen of Thighland…

[more pics here]

• Remakes of Hitch’s The Birds AND Strangers On A Train are a go-go?!?!@!# What a big no-no!!! (Oh, poor FloJo.) Didn’t we learn anything from Gus’ poopfest at 24 fps? Is nothang sacred anymore? What else is in store? Citizen Kane starring Owen Wilson? Or Gone Wit Da Wind with Ludacris and Rachel Bilson? I’m turning over in my grave and I’m not even dead yet!! [via Skeeter]

• What two actors do I miss the mostest? Thanks for asking!! Well tis gotta be Shelley Duvall & Pete Postlethwaite. Guesses what? Olive Oyl and The Father, whose name is in the of, co-star alongside Jennifer Hotteley [NSFW] in this Ringu-Ragu type garbage.

• Physically I haven’t changed since I was 13.

• Seth Cohen to geek out with George Lucas? Maybe his chin/neck will gobble gobble em up!

• Carnie Wilson takes a dump the size of a baby!

• Going to Coachella and seeking autographs? Here’s a list of ’05’s CD signings at the Virgin MegaTent.

• Spank the lord, I’ll be straight for years to cum. But I’d still never bone a scorpion or let a spider lick me.

• Watch crappy nekkid vids of Penelope, Cat-Zeta, & pre-nasty areola Tara. [NSFW, duh]

• Chloe kicks a$$!! [via Pinkster]

• Peep Mrs Brady’s tang

• Rejected Transformers 4

• 12:11 PM: As expected, Jets fans belatedly boo the selection of the new pope

• World’s Wurstest House o’ Wax Fan Art Mt Everest!

• World’s Bestestest Hartford Whalers Animated Gif Mt Everest! [via Remember The]

• And will I be the only reader on earth of the upcuming mag, Every Day With Rachael Ray. Apparently so. Don’t worry Double R, I will always love you and support any of yer endeavors. I mean, if you sold farts in a bottle, I’d buy em by the caseload!

[See the real thing!]

• Wendy’s Finger Woman Arrested

• Charles is now in charge of the forthcoming Borat movie. I don’t care if Gus van Sant and Vince Vaughn are attached to this, me juss so dang elated that there gonna be a Borat movie!

• Peabsy Von Peabsllestein, some say the only reason to go to Coachella this year.

• PWNT! [via My Man Marvkus]

• Finally, I have some NSFWness to please the liz-adies AND Trent! [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Her Royal Thighness In Training?