Thighs Wide Shut

– A long overdue peace the fork out goes to James Dean, the coolest Dean that ever lived (sorry, D Martin, Howard D, Jimmy D, or the Dizzy D). On this day you crashed your Porsche and died, and the world mourned the loss of your uber-hotness. Could you imagine if he had lived? He probably would be on CSI: Schenectady and banging Kate Moss.

– News that makes my day, besides knowing that I’m watching Mean Girls at lunch, DIGABLE PLANETS TO REUNITE!! [via Catchdubs]

– How on earth does Ali G land those interviews with such big wigs? Much explained here. [via NeueYorkish]

– Speaking of the G to the Ali, I frynally found an update on that Sacha Baron Cohen movie entitled Dinner For Schmucks. I don’t even know when it gets released, but I’m already camped outside of the AMC Empire on the NEW 42nd St as I type this!

– Czech out this song/video by Gym Class Heroes. They name drop more indie bands than K-Sir+ & UltraHotStuff combined! [via Shady Harrison]

– Failed Day Fest. Lets pray history doesn’t repeat itself.

– Here’s everything you wanted to know about forming your own country, but were afraid to ask. I’m forming the Republic of Thighland and as Lord of the Thighs, every Thursday will be hat day and Her Royal Thigness’ b-day will be a national holiday.

– So the Lohanster is so hella trashino right now, so lettuce focus our attention back to Hilary Duff for just a moment. Yeah, normally I’d like to stick her in a blender, but peep these pics from Blender.

– This girl is every Star Wars fanboy’s wet dream cum true! Be sure to give some peepage to her Leia costume. May The Bovs Of Your Tees Be With You! [via memepool]

– Tears for Fears are hitting the road. They make a stop at the Beacon Theater on Rocktober 28th.

– Oasis looking to mcnabb Ringo to guest Starr on their next album.

– I think this sums up how a lot of people feel: Kerry-Haters For Kerry. Anywho, be sure to watch the debates tonight and whip out this bingo card for full debate funnnnness! [1st via Willy Wonkette, 2nd via Fark]

– The NYPress goes list crazy, dropping props to Miss Mod and gettin all sid vicious on Gawker. [coincidently via Miss Mod]

– And New Yawkers, please give a warm welcome yer newest neighbor, Juan Valdez, who’s here to kick Starbuck’s a$$!!

– C-3PO sez peace the fork out, Mark Hamill waxes about an upcoming Star Wars TV show(?) and Episodes 7-9, while George Puke-cas poo-poos any notion of further trips to a galaxy far far away. Thanks GAWDs! But if you really want yer blood to boil, czech out the changes made to the original trilogy, which is released on DVD next Tuesday. [2nd link via Navi el Terrible]

– The Marlins set aside some tix for Steve Bartman at Wrigley. Speaking of the Bartman, where the frig is he? Supposedly he still lives in the western burbs of Chi-Town, after his petition for a job transfer to London never materialized.

– [via OneGooodeMove]

– Lettuce take a qwik trip around the blogosphere. Here be the breast blog names I’ve come across recently, Remember the Whalers and Donkey Boners and Other Debauchery. This may be old, but read the (peerless) priceless comments left for poser site, Whatevs.Blogspot.com. And can someone peas eggplain what this blog is all about? [last via The Whine Colored Sea]

– De La Soul enlist the help of Ghostface, Flavor Flav, and Common on their latest, Grind Date, which drops Rocktober 5th. Speaking of Flav, if you haven’t been czeching out season 3 of The Surreal Life, you haven’t truly lived. So f-in mint!

– I’ve heard so much goodness over the past year about the flick The American Astronaut that I’m slap happy it’s finally going to play in a real movie theater. [via OuttaFocuszz]

– Engadget revisit the head clamp from A Clockwork Orange. Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

– , yep flaming text.

– Dougray Scott to be the next 007? At this point, they should have a different bloke play em each go around. Who doesn’t want to see Bond flicks starring Ewan Mac, Judey Law, Clive Owen, Robbie Williams, and Richard Branson!?

– Hail to Joey Gibbs and the Redskins, but not these Redskins.

– If you don’t have a brain or eyes, go see Ice Cube’s latest.

– And are you a sick sick sick sick human being? Then go ahead and click this to see the pics from Playboy’s Women of Video Games spread. Who knew that digital ladies shave their poonannys?

– Although I’ve heard it’s an absolute disappointment, me is still hexcited to czech out Sacha Baron Cohen do his thing in the 2002 flick Ali G Indahouse, which makes its US DVD debut on November 2nd (what a great b-day present that would make for the Thigh Master). The movie co-stars new Dumbledore Michael Gambon and Tim from The Office. We’ll also finally get to see what his mate Ricky C and his girl Me Julie really look like. Peep the teaser trailer here.

– The fine folks over at Use My Computer have some of the mos umcrediblelicious Lohan pics me has seen in months! She’s not even uber-tanned/Oompa Loompafied in any of them.

– The Archdukes claimed the Mercury Prize. That was probably the safest bet since the cancellation of The Mullets.

– White Stripes NOT to split. Meg White, time to withdrawal that application from Arby’s and get back to banging dem drums and floppin’ dem boobies.

– Defamer deconstructs the Jersey Girl DVD box art.

– That Bastard, who be so Magnificent has uncovered the true lost brother of John Kerry: Count Chocula (see last pic in 4th row)

– A lot has changed since I was a senior in High School. Peep this fab collection of senior photos. [via Posh n Beckers]

– Rappers, hip-hoppers, and flip-floppers will have to pay for every sample used. Who said that originality was dead?

– Sure Iran, sure.

– Tear For Fears are going to re-attempt to “Rule The World”. What, the Gary Jules “Mad World” royalties not paying the bills?

– Man shoots himself while demonstrating gun safety. Oh how I miss my days in Bloomington.

– Catster, it’s like Friendster, but even more lame.

– Neue Yawkers, two free flicks for ewes: Shaun of the Dead & What The Bleep Do We Know!?.

– A European scientist wants to create a DNA library on the moon just in case something bad happens to Earth. Lets send Lohan’s DNA there first so future generations of Thigh Masters can enjoy her… thighs.

– These be some purty pictures.

– I know you want to own The Holy Grail & Jabba’s bizatch Salacious Crumb (child not included). [via Navi]

– This has gots to be the longest review of Zardoz ever. [via Newbsy Russell]

– Guess which NFL team makes the most cash? Yep, the greatistist organization on the planet, The Washington Redskins. [via Senor Gombiergas]

– Play Mary-Kate Olsen’s Crack-Man at yer own risk.

– German Caught Having Sex With Doll. Thankfully it wasn’t with Kid Sister or My Buddy. [via Made of Brawn-stein]

– Who on earth or in a galaxy far far away is going to buy the Ewoks and Droids cartoons on DVD? Both of em are slightly a lil less awfuler than the infamous Star Wars Christmas Special starring Bea Arthur.

– Speak-king bout Star Wars, did you know that Lando’s boy Nien Nunb is considered an Asian Pacific Boy Toy?

– Ivana Trump is coming to TV this fall with some crap called Ivana Young Man. Worstest title and concept since Warner Bros’ Juwanna Mann. I’m developing my own reality show called, Ivana Hump Ivanka.

– Mark McGrath, pick up a white courtesy phone cause yer career is over. “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII just want you to fly… the fork away from me you talentless pretty boy.”

– Love Dan the Automator? Yer in luck cause Handsome Boy Modeling School round 2 drops in November, he’s working on a 2nd Deltron 3030 disc, eventually a new Gorillaz thang, and for his solo album, Omakase, he has enlisted the help of Damon Albarn, Beck, Mos Def, Busta Rhymes, DJ Q-Bert, Black Rob, Beenie Man, John Medeski and the Blue Man Group. It doesn’t get much butter than this.

– This woman’s name has gots to be Amanda Hunginkiss. [via Zach de la Roachclip]

– BMWs all pimped out by Warhol, Lichtenstein, Calder, Rauschenberg, and Hockney.

– Paul Newman The Clown is available for Mall Openings and Bar & Bat Mitzvahs.

– It’s unconstitutional to watch women vomit. [via Flea]

– How could my boyz and girlettes over at the UTZ factory have the yummiestest chips, but no taste when it comes to football?

– The Maryland Terp band will no longer be allowed to play “Rock and Roll Part II” at football games. That sucks more than Duke. [via Navi The Barbarian]

– The Trio network dishes out a second helping of their Brilliant But Cancelled series. On the docket this go around is Olivier Platt’s Deadline and Parenthood starring the deadly combo of Ed Begley Jr AND Leonardo DiCaprio.

– Does this bootylicious model come with J-Ho’s lingerie?

– Kill Bill 1 + 2 = 3?

– And fry-nail-lee, ladies, start practicing cause Squirting will one day be an Olympic sport. Have a greeeeeat Labor Day weak end folks!! [via Made of Brawnstein]

So much shiz to ketchup on, so lets get this part-tay started…

– Star Wars: Episode Blah has a new name: Revenge of the Sith. George Puck-on-us, you already shat on my childhood, so why don’t you just do us all a favor and call the final piece of yer dung trilogy, Return of the Shitstain. And if Lobot doesn’t make an appearance in Sith, Linda Ronstadt and I will never bone you again!!

– So if I stop wearing furs and denounce my carnivoreship, can I hook up with some hot hippie chick all day long? (click on the video on the right side)

– Where do washed-up famous gay peoples find work? On a 24-hour gay network that needs to fill a lot of hours o’ programming. Welcome back to the working world Scott Thompson and Chastity Bono!!

– Everyone least favorite Jeopardy! contestant, KJ, ended the season on a high note. Cpt Boring broke the one-day record with $75K large, bringing his grand total after 38 episodes to $1,321,660. Wow, that’s more TV appearances than the entire cast of 21 Jump Street (sans J-Depp) has had after the show was cancelled. Poor Dustin Nguyen and Peter DeLuise. Maybe they can try to borrow some cash off of KJ when the show resumes on September 6th.

– Peace the mudder-fudge out to a man with one of the flyest names ever: Cotton Fitzsimmons.

– Ian Brown plays Stone Roses songs for the 1st time in almost ten years. Now do everyone a favor and get the band back together before someone dies.

– Amateur porno makers take note, cause Paris Hilton is once again open for bidness.

– News article that reinforces my point about F-9/11 only appealing to Democrats: few Republicans who have seen the movie appear to have been swayed by its propaganda. Anywho, the flick just crossed the 100 mil mark.

– Speaking of the erection, Bush Hopes to Sway Jewish Voters. Good luck with that one!

– This bird hates Dutch art.

– I love women, but I’d rather slit my eyes out or see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen than watch them play basketball. However I may have to waive my harsh policies since the NY Liberty have found temporary asylum at the infamous Radio City Music Hall, while MSG hosts the Resucklican Party Convention. How umcredible is that? If only they handed out free HJs and BJs then more men would go too!

– Trainspotting pub to close down.

– Ricky Williams chooses weed over the NFL. Glad the Skins passed up on that shlub-bub.

And here be a forkload of odd news (new and old) with major help from Flea’s Ho-bag:

– Police Seek Naked Fast-Food Patron. Hopefully he wasn’t covered in nacho cheese.

– Olsoivian hotel workers call to ban hotel porn. I guess they don’t want to make a profit anymore.

– Bush writes on dung. Fitting since his words are sh%t!

– 416 pounds of beauty.

– Women Plow In Nude To Relieve Drought. Is that how Borat’s wife died?

– DotComGuy changes name back to Mitch Maddox. Surprisingly, DotLoser is married. I bet her name was DotTunaCrotchChick.edu