Thighs Wide Shut

We here at Thighs are sick of terrorists and people who love pita and hate Jews. Why do you hate Jews? Is it cause Jews control the Israeli media? Is it cause Rob Cohen makes the wurstest movies of balls thymes? Is it cause we’re secretly keeping the band Beirut from becoming bigger than Fall Out Boy, whomever the fork they are? ENUFF. All we want is peace and a piece of Sasha Cohen’s a$$, and to be hunted down by only one man, Borat [Guns N Rosenthal]. Since the UN, and the US, and the president of UTZ have been dilly-dallying and eating Dilly Bars instead of taking action on this whole Middle East thang that has escalated more than the wooden escalators at Macy’s, I’ve secretly dispatched a mos special envoy to the region to save the day. Wish our boys luck. And boys, don’t spend all yer per diem money on shawarma and 3 shekel whores

related: woman foiled by Onion article or was she?

SLOP THE PRESSES: Kate Bosworth Has Two Different Colored Eyes

Falkor’s sis slips nip [Barely NSFW]

Enuff of this is Lily Allen hot or not crap, cause there are more pressin hot or notnesseses to decide, like animated Elenaor [VID] or real Elenaor, who isn’t all that animated

You’d think carpetbagger Navratilova would be encouraging female moaning

t.A.T.u. hearts tacos

CNBC hearts seafood

Mike Bossy hearts Canadian chips

Smokey Robinson hearts soul in a bowl

the mos genius thing Chevy Chase has uddered in over a decade

Blair Warner beats kids [Per Rez]

name NY’s new lacrosse team. My suggestion was The New York Peppermint Patties

list of problems solved by MacGyver + Young MacGyver? [last via Pakula Shaker]

not coming soon to a theater near spew: Jennifer Ellison On A Plane

peace the fork out to Guy Haines’ sluty wife Miriam, who was 1/2 of Bruno’s victims in his diabolical criss-cross plan, as seen in Hitchcock’s finest work (not counting Psycho) Strangers On A Train

[1925 – 2006]

The Top 30 Game Show Hosts of All Time

Bird’s Eye View of Famous Homes

Star Wars helmets [Sea Hear]

Espacios publicitarios [Faddle Fiddle]

free passes to what will end up being the wurstest flick of the summer

another bag [Binkster]

World’s Longest Hot Dog

I Was Assaulted By This Man Who Identified Himself as a Police Officer and Refused to Provide Me Identification, Photography is Not a Crime

Fiddle Kids

Cats that look like Hitler

Muffs that look like Hitler [NSFW]

Pink Is The New Stupid [Pink Is The New Blog]

Bee Dogs [Popbitch]

a monkey playing Ms. Pacman

Egypt’s defunct Fantazy Land

no comment

and better keeps on getting butterer…

+ 2 Office webisodes for you gooing measure

+ the news of the OG UK crew cameoinging on season 3, sans Ricky G, who’s probably too busy conjuring up more Extras bordem

+ wam, bam, thank you Pam, and Puma, for these snorkin hot snaps from what who i did all this weekend!

[JJ]

coney island is my mos flavorite thing about NYC
seriously, next banging your mother in the gowanus tunnel

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
I Was Saying Buoy-Urns
Trailers

Memo to Hollywurst:

Please stop excreting on all things succeeding, like a kick from Nate Kaeding, and the once promising Pirates franchise that’s now more fleeting than playing Yes & Know’s Fleet in a Fleet Bank during Fleet Week. Sequels should be banned in all 48 continental states unless it’s really worth continuing the story, or at least what we in the industry like to call ‘entertaining’. Are we a better species for having such rehash poo on a stick in eggsistance as The Legend of Zorro, Bring It On Again, Son of the Mask, 7 Fast, 7 Furious (although I’m still dying to see 3 Fast, 3 Furious), and Even Crazier/Even More Beautifullerier? Me thinks don’t so! We can now safely add Pirates 2 to the don’t waste your mime and toney list. Waste it instead on Darfur, or it’s worthy sequel, Darfur 2: Darfur On The Rocks. What more can I say about a sequel that’s juss one giant bag of blah? I dunno, but maybe we can do one of those funny math review thingies I pull out every once in awhile…

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest =

Pirates of the Caribbean:
The Curse of the Black Pearl

aka the super fun movie based
off a ride that no one ever rode

–

its Good Humor

dat has been replaced with no humor

+

Star Wars‘s’es
slimy bizatches

aka
Quarren
or
‘Squid Heads’

+

1/14th of the Pride & Prejudice cast

but sadly no Mulligan

+

more generic seamen

than a McAllister family reunion

+

Double Dare‘s

1 Ton Human Hamster Wheel obstacle

+

the deleted scened octopus
from the Goonies

that even ate Cyndi Lauper

+

big bad voodoo (daddy) advice

from Miss Cleo‘s ancestors

+

all the underwater Final Fantasy baddies

that made me lose sleep in my teens

+

Stellan Skarsgård

but not Peter Sarsgaard

+

all you can eat seafood

that’s more rancid than the band Rancid

+

Micky Dolenz’sz pal’s

locker (bee, scotland)

+

(what pretty much
sums up the whole movie)

The Nothing

from Die Unendliche Geschichte

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): I’m probably being too harsh, but you muss not fall victim, so, Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

until next time, the balcony is clothed…

The full line-up has frynally been announced for Central Park’s Summerstage. No big sirprizes, cause I knows you read the BV, but how outta leftfield is the Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians reunion show? I guess Paul Simon put his wife back to work in order to pay off the debts from the Capeman debacle, eh? Anywho, EB and the New Bs are not only reuniting, but dropping a new album on July 25th! Listenage to their new track ‘Wear You Down’ [d]

Reason #1 to hit up Lebowski Fest Austin this weekend: personal appearance of Big Lew Abernathy, one of the inspirations for the Walter Sobchak

50 bucks will get ya into an early screening of the Strangers With Candy movie, and possibly into the pants of some gaylords

Didn’t realize Axl loved Misshapes THAT much

Bestest ep of Amazing Stories? Me spanx not. Dat honor blackman belongs to the Saving Private Ryanesque episode ‘No Day at the Beach’

Breastest post-1983 Star Wars tee of balls thyme

Wonder if these heads of state give great head, or juss headache?

I’d almost rather watch Jiminy Glick in Lalawood 7 times over than see Click fo free

I can’t finger out what’s so humorous about this

Blessed be the person who was intersleuthing ‘Rock Down To Electric Boogaloo’

Dispelling that Mentos/exploding Pepsi rumor that no one’s ever had a reason to spell-dis

NSFWNSFWNSFWNSFW

and

[plenty mo]

• QB – Sage Rosenfels at CLE, cause Jews are good with money and making people laff, so why shouldn’t they be good at tossing leather?
• RB – Lamar Gordon at NYG, cause Mike McMahon is no Jim McMahon, or Anthony Michael Hall (and Oates) for that matter
• WR – Antwaan Randle El at BAL, cause the Bible foretold a second coming of Slash
• TE – Mike Sellers vs OAK, cause his uncle Fuzzy loves himself some southern fried cookin
• K – Shaun Suisham vs DET, cause if this mammoth matchup was the only game on T-giving, people would renounce their citizenship
• D – Seahawks at SF, cause it looks like the Boz needs a new line of work, again

and…

a edvard much belated
PEACE THE FORK OUT
to everyone’s favorite
indentured servant
turned augmented cyborg
turned computer liaison officer
and sorta de-facto leader of Cloud City
who kinda looks like the principal from Back To The Future
the one
the only
the king of swing
LOBOT

1931 – 2005
[big ups to Pakula Shaker for the head]