Thighs Wide Shut

Sloppy Birthtits
oh my dearest
and mos Cleavaged Steamer, OH-io-ist

and by comfort, I mean fapping til the cows cum foam

hope that wasn’t too close for comfort

Troop Beverly Hiller and flossibly future HRT longshot, Jenny Lewis is da Jewish (and apparently Jack Black is too), and she once was lucky enuff to be photographed with the kid from Charles In Charge

There is no longer anyone on earth named Ironhead Heyward

Brickhouse Brotherinlaw Made of Braunstein is currently the 34th bestest eater in the WORLD. I’m 51st, or something

Happarently bowling alleys are the latest craze for Bar Mitzvah parties. But do they still play ‘We Are Family’ and ‘Celebration’?

Before Brian Burton was DJ Danger Mouse, aka the Messiah, he was Pelican City, and you can here some of that werk hear

RFK used to be heaven. Now it’s like the dirtiest stripper pole at the Gaza Strip Club. I hope the Nats never leave

Spanks to Comedy Central’s uncensored broadcast thingie, I have come to realize that Coming To America is not only one of the finest American comedies of the past 20 years, but also the mos underrated romantic comedy since underrated comedies were invented by Thomas Edison. I mean, it was NOMINATED for 2 ACADEMY AWARDS (costumes and make-up, DUHVS!) AND had the one of del single greatestist in-jokes/cameoes mt EVERest, featuring the Duke brothers, Randolph & Mortimer. And Arsenio was hella bestest. What the fork happened to him? He was once on top of the werld, and ended up living on a couch, calling everyone collect. He needs a new agent or a new set of thighs cause he’s a diamond in the ruff ready to be reshined like what happened to John Travolta, cept it’s time for JTrav to go away again cause his head’s too big, not in an egotistical way, but like a fat head kinda way. Anycheezitz, czech out some luminaries who appeared on AHall’s show: Radiohead, MC Hammer, Madonna & Anthony Kedis, Young MC, Johnny Depp and Tim Buton, Paula Abdul, and plenty mo where that spank from

My boy Joey Tata (not the one yer thinkin of) hates Aruba. Maybe it’s cause of the missing girl, but I think he’s still bitter about Sidney Ponson leaving the O’s, or the fact that I’m going there in less than 3 weeks

Mountain Dew remains the finest soda in the fountain format

The GeeBees are as sick of ‘Crazy’ as Crazy Eddie is sick

Real blunt smokers don’t use Phillys anymo, the use Blunt Wraps… er, um, uh, ah, eh, em, or so I’m told!

The new Spin magazine is a lot like the old Q magazine. I should juss shut up and be happy about dat, hispecially since Ultralustiness hath returned, but I wish the new Q was more like the old, and that Rolling Stone Snoozerag called it a day, or at least for Peter Travers did, who knows less about movies than David Brenner knows about comedy

Easiest time to get a table at Houston’s is as soon as they open. And even though they aren’t on the menu, try and ask if they serve their succulent chicken fingers. They on a secret menu that rivals In-N-Out’s, although their secret menu is the lamest thing I’ve ever heard of and anyone who knows anything about inhaling hamburgers still knows Fatburger is still king, still. So who wants to drive me to Nyack or Jersey Cit?

Brutalism is the coolio-ist monikered movement about ugly buildings of balls thyme

Donnie Darko may be pluggin Luke & Leia’s mum… so if they ever breed, will a robot blurp during birth, ‘Ooooba, oooba, it’s a BOY!‘

Sony® h.ear Sports Headphones are probsbillys the best 999 pennies one can spend at Radio Shack

The home of my mos flavorite pesto-sauced Italian cold cut, Vignola’s, is bosed for cusiness

Why we say ‘pair of pants’

Lily Allen (the newly added T In The Parker) sweats as much as me…

and Moaning Season can never cum soon enuff