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A Hairy Domed Companion

Remember when you were all that I fapped to? I wanted to eat you, and now, you can eat me you runt cag!! Chef boyardee how the mighty hath fallen. I’ve skipped yer last two movies. I didn’t even buy yer 2nd album. When the thought of u passes thru my brain I immediately think of microwaved tunafish juss to get yo even more stankin’ a$$ a$$ outta my dodge minivan. You are the reason why freedom is not prevailing in Iraq. Yer the reason why the Nationals are in the NL East cellar. Yer the reason why people think Vince Vaughn is funny, yet he’s been doing the same character for 481283 years. Yer the reason the 2nd Ave Deli closed. Yer the reason why there’s 380218383123 blogs that all write the same thing and post pictures of you ordering from the Wendy’s 99 cent menu. Yer the reason Herpes Went Banannnananaas. Go away. Although you will never go away. Could you at least try to not be so trashizoid? And can you start being 17 again. And not 20. Oh yeah, happy b-day you frecklejuiced dirty lo-bag.

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Ursula UndressesThe Contimental Congresses


GO AMERICA! 224 years, 6 months, and 16 days of glorious greatness & 5 years, 5 months, and 14 days of the pooiest poo that is George W Bush. No relation to Arrested Development’s 3 Years 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life of…

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Bombs Over Bagdasarian

Limpledon aint all Keeley and cream


It’s where Alvin, Simon, and Theodore‘s sister earns her green, and can turn in headlines as semi-tongue twistin as: Sharapova Smashes Smashnova

THE Transformer movie teaser trailer? Hopefully they’ll pull a Bryan Singer and use unused audio clips of Orson Welles from the 1986 feature, or at least from the outtakes from those infamous frozen pea commerishes [a muss click]

Our sweetheart/tits CityRag turns 2. Rumored to be dating the 50 year-old Interstate Highway System

Lily Allen has found a US home for her s’wonderful music. Sadly, it’s not on Thighs Wide Records, or our subsidiary, Ramblin’ Entertainment

What’s more eggciting than watching soccer goals? Reading descriptions of them

Keane wants to play your college, even yours Olivet Nazarene University

Damon Albarn has more side projects than Wendy’s has side salads

The Vegan & Co interview Zach Condon & Jason of blogosphere hot shit Beirut

Hey Rachael Ray, I gotta great way you can spend $40 a day: hire Gheorghe Muresan for a private basketball lesson! [Guns n Rosenthal]

Little Miss Sunshine screenings galore!

I know you wanted to see more lovely snaps of Оксана Акиньшина, so heЯe you go!

If Mr Catalano and the Peach Pit’s Joe E had a love child, would he really play for the Tigers? [Joe E Tan Thomas]

Thighs Wide Shut? [NSFW]

Sorry my Slovenian friend, but you won’t find a “how to guide” for WD-40 masturbate here

Basshunter – Boten Anna [Gage Against The Machine]

and Mexican Midgets Dancing


[from my new home away from home:
WTF? OMGZ!]

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A Fapple A DayKeeps The DoctorFrom Michael Bay

Melissa Theuriau

Kate Moss

Louise Brooks

Kelly Hu

Oksana Akinshina
Оксана Акиньшина

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For One Night I WasSuperintendent ChalmersFor I Was Screaming’Skinner!!!’ Ad Infinitum

The Streets
+ Lady Sovereign
Webster Hall
June 27, 2006


[foto stolen from The High 5 Queen]

Why do I even bother writing concert reviews when it seems like Maude Dern and Susic Mobbery are in attendance at every one I go to (which isn’t that high of a number, since eating is my #1 extracurricular activity). I’m not going to complain, cause they both boviously have great taste in music and both have thighs worthy of humping. Plus they both bring cameras so I don’t have to, cause mine sux anywayzyz. The gist of all this? Just read Ms and Mr‘s sites daily and you’ll soon be the coolest cat since MC Skat Kat

Anywayz, enuff of the praise, and more about my malaise of writing concert reviews. I mean, what can one really say about show after show? Did it rock? Did I shvitz more than David Berkowitz? Was I more wasted than Robert Downey Jr in Less Than Zero? Balls the above, and then some, and then some more, and a bag of chips, and then some bags of Utz.

Although things didn’t start off well when everyone’s flavorite UK tongue twistin midget took to the stage. Poor Lady Sov. First off, as many of you know, American audiences are the brat wurstest. They don’t respond to what’s going on on stage unless the artist prompts them too (unless of course we’re talking about Radiohead cause if they popped popcorn on stage for 7 hours straight, people would still tear off their clothes and scream like Wilhelm), and the Yanks weren’t givin the Lady any love. It didn’t help that Lady Sov’s ear pretty much hexploded while performing. She was visibly upset and kept complaining about it. I mean, she is a girl. But although Webster Hall’s sound blows, she doesn’t. I hope her ear recovers and she rox the Nikki Cox when I see here at Lolla in August. And even though she has the body of a 12 year old boy, there’s something hextremely sexy about her and I wish I was Zach, but I guess I was too slow to take action

As for my main maine mayne man Mike Skinner, dude is on a forkin roll. In my mumble opinion, at this point in time (at least until Air’s next album is released), The Streets are the best act in the world. I know that sounds crazier than a basement in the Alamo, since he’s juss a dirty chav who talks about shit-in-a-tray merchants, but I really do bee leave that. I’d do anything for him. Even clean his trainers (dem be what is known as ‘sneakers’ in our lame country) with my tongue. I’d even take a bullet for him (as well as the BlogFather). Although I’d probably rather protect him from people throwing trainers at him. Huh? Whatevs. Dude, Skinner and his live band, including his eggsalad singing partner, put on a top notch show with show stoppin tunes that notch tops!!! It also didn’t hurt that he force fed the audience liquor, made us squat on the ground on 3 given occasions, and kept mentioning how he’s gonna run in the NY Marathon (I better start training too if i want run wit him and give him endless HJs).

Please tell me you own all three of his albums. They are more magical than David Blaine humming the Cars’ ‘Magic’ while doin some Presto Magix underwater for a week. If yer missin the boat, it’s never too late to climb aboard. I’ll make sure Isaac is there to greet you wit a smile, and some marlon (that’s Skinner for ‘brandy’)


pee es – forgot to mention how pissed I was he didn’t play ‘Hotel Expressionism’ [d]

See also
+ The Streets Are Alive With The Sound Of Music
+ 7th Heaven

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