Thighs Wide Shut

Peace The Fork Out
to the
Planetary Status
of
Planet X
aka
Pluto

1930 – 2006

of the Apes
Black, which many fear
Animal
Dust, which must be exited
Klendathu
Phantom
Forbidden
The Daily
Terry
K-PAX
Tatooine
Dantooine
Rigel 4/7
Tralfamadore
Hollywood
Hype

‘Pluto’ by Björk [d]

^♇headline so good that I stoles it from USA Today

Starting Five

Mädchen Amick

Sheryl Lee

Peggy Lipton

Lara Flynn Boyle

Sherilyn Fenn

Second String

Piper Laurie

Joan Chen

Heather Graham

Alicia Witt

(¡again!)

The Log Lady’s Log

The Quiet
Coming Thru (My Pants) Loud And Clear
Trailer

There are only two ways I can objectively review this movie: Han Is Lee and Len Biased. And you my lucky (reuben) drones, will be treated to both

Sexual abuse within a family never makes for the mos popcorn pleasing cinema, yet The Quiet, director Jamie Babbit‘s follow up to her quirky But I’m a Cheerleader, is a pleasure to watch. Me not saying that I get my kicks outta watching a father molest her daughter to the point of her wanting to kill him, but what I is saying is that all the players involved are so darn convincing that I could overlook the student-filmish feel and pacing of the entire picture. Hell, this thing had ‘straight-to-video’ written all over it, but since it stars the hotliest screen duo of the aughts, Cuthbest/Bellebest, and not Justin Timberlake, it has a chance to strike a chord with a wide audience. And I sure hope it does. While there’s much to commend about the mannered performances of Martin Donovan, Edie Falco, and of course, one of the brightest and mos eyebrowlicious stars around, Her Eternal Royal Thighness, the real props deleon have gotta go to HRT the II, Elisha Cuthies Cuthsplurt Cuthbert. Best know for being the clueless daughter of Jack Bauer, who has been chased by everything from bears to Johnny Chase, and for her mad blue-balling of audiences everywhere in The Girl Next Door, Ms Cuthbert really hasn’t had a chance to show her true talents, outside of those who’ve seen Lucky Girl/My Daughter’s Secret Life (I’m spanking in yer direction BlogFather). As the abused and damaged gooded daughter in The Quiet, Cuthie goes the extra mile here and truly has earned the right to be called something a lil more important than a fine piece of a$$. If I’m not mistaken, I believe the industry calls such a thing an ‘actress’.

Dude, Barbara Fiorentino and Rebecca Mangieri should not only receive honorary Oscars, but the key to every Scottish city that has a loch (get it?), a parade across the entire surface of Mars complete with Shriner escorts, and the right to take a dump in any men’s bathroom they please. Why? Well, as casting directors for The Quiet, one can only a$$ zoom that these two were responsible for the mos splooge-tastic screen pairing since a bottle of champagne met with Denise Richards’ bosoms [NSFW, duhvs]: Cuthlisha Bellmilla. OH MAI FORKING LORD O MIGHTY MOUSE! Even though the two don’t lick each other, share a bath, help each other shower, help each other shave, help each other apply lotion, Cool-Whip, or WD-40 to their respective bodies, the screen sizzles whenever the two occupy the same frame. There was one shot in pardickular where the two are lying on a bed together, fully clothed, and I turned to Tom Wellington, the greatest living actor and Pat O’Brien remixer in the world, and said, ‘this is what heaven looks like.’ Juss think of it as the ultimate tease. While there’s so much dark matter being displayed on the screen, the viewer/splooger is left to create his (no ‘her’ here, unless ‘her’ licksalottapuss) own light splatter when they get home from the theater. While some may see that as a disappointment, you gotta give these young girls credit for keeping their clothes on. Cause once they head down the nekkid road, there’s no mystery left and therefore no man needs to see a movie with them in it ever again. And to make yer splatters wurst, the only yammy yams one gets to see belong to Edie Falco. I haven’t seen such sloppy jalopies like dat since Edith Wharton took her top off at that Who concert! Did I mention that when Cuthbust is not being molested by her father (and if you were her father, wouldn’t you…) she’s probably wearing a cheerleading outfit? You can’t spell ‘actress’ without ‘ass’, as in piece of. YOWZAAAAAAAA!!!

Possible Porno Name: Quite The Tit

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix The Woodsman [Review | Trailer]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Quiet’ by The Smashing Pumpkins [d]

IMDb Sweeney: I’m all aboard the Babbit train, hispecially if she keeps lining up the hotties. Her next pic, Itty Bitty Titty Committee, stars the Diet Coke-Starry Eyed Sirprize beaut Nicole Vicius (see bottom of posting)

Han Is Lee John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Len Biased John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): dude, do u even have to ask? Four Breasts In Show

The Quiet opens in NYC/LA this Friday
& st elsewhere st whenever

until next time the balcony is clothed…

..and hopefully next time Camish Cuthbelle will be nekkid

Lucas on Indy 4: ‘We’re basically going to do ‘The Phantom Menace.‘ Hide the woman and children and droids!!!

take a leak on these Transformer leaked snaps!! [Pakula Shaker]

Lily Allen, meet North America

Netflix is one of the ten largest users of first-class mail in America. Find out how it all works, with this brief, but in-depth report from a Netflix warehouse located in my MD hometown [Stephen Hacking]

the thumbpossible has become possible? spanks to Laing Sack of Sh&t and his Hawaiian vacation, Mauna Loa’s Milk Chocolate Toffee Macadamias have temporarily replaced Dutch Stroopwafles as my exotic treat that can’t be beat! Will Terrell Owens’s Exotic Popcorn Getcha Popcorn Ready be the next champ of my chompers?

I wonder how the strip steak was at the inaugural World Strip Poker Championship. Maybe they can hold the event next year in the Gaza Strip. Exiting corny jokes…. NOW!

qwik Tribe Called Quest ‘What’ riff: What heights are wuthering without Charlotte Bronte? What is a Gremlins flick without Joe Dante?

America’s Best Colleges 2007. Bovine University, still unranked

unphotochop twosday: The Jack White House [Veeeeeg]

Goldenfiddle’s Daily Double Genius Species: A Man Should Look Out After His Family AND Tagged

the only people who don’t think that the name ‘Redskins’ isn’t racist? Redskins fans, and gawd bless em. But if a compromise had to be made, I says call em juss the Skins, as in red potato skins, and ditch the proud Injun on the helmet and replace it with the spear, or at least this picture of Shitney Spears from the Teen Choice Awards

peace the fork out Joe ‘Guns n’ Rosenthal, who may have taken the single mos iconic photo of balls thyme. And a belated p.t.f.o. to Esther L. Snyder, who co-founded In-N-Out Burger, and in turn, the stoopidest thing I’ve ever heard of: a secret menu

[AS220]

South of the Border Simpsons… AYE CARUMBA! [Monkey Boy]

Poll: Jews want to date Portman, Ali G

Poll: Jews have predictable taste, hate bacon, but secretly love it

I cunt bee leave Ahmadinejad gave You, Me, and Dupree such a glowing review!

Are cats tails an involuntary or voluntary movement?

don’t bother clickin, cause u can get the answer from yer mom who’s carpet I juss got dunn shaving: How Kissing Works [Mod Squad]

the least scariest game based on one of the more scarier movies: The Freddy Game

Are two heads better than getting head?

NYC, Lego stizz [Data Who Dat?]

Portraits of Current World Leaders

the largest s’more ever [Super Thighs Me]

Onion Booty [kinda NSFW]

Man Not Found, Dog

and if there were ever a time to pant over panties…