Thighs Wide Shut

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Almost A Better Prequel Than S’Wars: Eps II & III
Trailer

If yer cinematic wet dream consisted of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman torturing Oliver from season 1 of The OC, while the asscrack of Jordana Brewster [Buttlooker] GI Joe crawled to and fro, then you my fiend will be write at home with this not so sorry eggscuse for the 6th installment of the Texas Chainsaw franchise (7th, if you somehow include Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers as part of the collection, considering it did star OG Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen). While not all together that scary, like say, Jesus Camp [TWS review], TTCM:TB sure is a helluva lot mo entertaining than that blah-ful remake from the ’03 [TWS review]. Seems like the producers learned one very important thang from that failed go around: peoples loves them some evil R. Lee Ermey (the aforementioned Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, for those not in the nose), and this dose is chock full of him, as Leatherface’s surrogate father. And since this is an ‘origin’ story we are ‘treated’ to the bovious revelations:
-Leatherface’s odd birth, check
-learning to cleave meat, check
-takes first victim, check
-town shuts down leaving only the crazies behind, check
-recieves his Fisher Price My Very First Chainsaw, check
-takes the face of another which lends him his nickname and leads to the bestest John Travolta/Nic Cage poopfest mt everest, check
-John Larroquette voice over, check!

Well, that about covers it kids. In 5 simple werds: it aint all that bad. And if it was, you would mos certainly hear about it from yers drooly. OK, so it coulda used 84 non-stop minutes of nudity, but I was satisfied enuff lookin at a clothed Diora Baird when I knew dang well that the interwebs was full of her frontalness. WOAH!!

[click and watch the pic and yer penis grow bigger!!]

Possible Porno Name: The Texas Instrument Up Yer Ass Occurred: The Bleeding

Apt MPupil3: The Cannibal Song by Jiminy Cricket & Rica Moore [d visa Paul’s Rams]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): cunts bee leave it, but Jeepers Kevin DuckWorth A Peepers

Lily Allen’s real ‘LDN’ vid is a real scream, hispecially the beginning

czech out LA performing ‘LDN’ acoustic on Jonathan Ross, who in turn was czeching out LA’s mum’s boob

Music Like Dirt has gone thru the trouble to piece together Alright, Steal, a collection of the original tunes that Lily sampled on her album

and here, darling Lils covers Keane’s ‘Everybody’s Changing’ [d] via Discobelle

bestest NY/NJ Luscious news since Mr Harris joined the Nets: Luscious Jackson Reunite — To Make Children’s Album

peep Kasabian’s colored iPod commerish flavored vid for their killah track ‘Shoot The Runner’ from their killah album Empire

try not to peep Gnarls B’s gross ‘Gone Daddy Gone’ vid

if yer Dexter Manley don’t even bother peepins Jarvis Cockney’s ‘Cunts Are Still Running The World’ vid

hottiest sound ’round: the Armand Van Helden remix of the Moby/Debbie Harry jammy jam ‘New York, New York’ [d]

not so hottiest but still worth the free d-lode: the new Basement Jaxx ditty

Retrocrush’s int wit Weird Al

The Scopitone

Baby Toupees, including ‘The Bob’ and ‘The Lil Kim’

and if I could recommend juss one outrageously gay French album that would make u want to float in space, tit would not doubtedly be Air’s Jean-Benoit Dunkel‘s sizzlin solo stizz Darkel

[‘At The End of The Sky’ vid | d]

Sloppy 20th my dearest and mos current Her Royal Thighness

[my flav pics of her here]

OK, so the Skins are winning again, but I’d hardly say that it has tanytang to do wit Mark Brunell and his infamous 6-yard passes. If Santana Moss didn’t have all the right moves like Stefen Djordjevic, the Jag-offs woulda won by 15. And I’m sure u saw the end highlights of the Colts/Jets game, but here it is again for those who are ig-nint

Overjoyed Saints Fans Tear Roof Off Reopened Superdome

honestly, don’t even bother with the film United 93, unless yer easily captivated by an hours worth of air traffic control recreation scenes. I saw the Discovery Channel’s The Flight That Fought Back a year ago, which is basically the eggzact same thang, but since Flight has interviews with the family of the deceased, tits miles davis away the better of the two

outside of the Pacino-Wells Fargo bit and the Tina Fey-less news (twas about effin time), the SNL season pre-shmear blew John Stossel’s mustachioed balls. How fitting then that it was hosted by the unfunny funnyman Dane Cook, whose Tourgasm show was the least worthwhile series ever to air on HBO — Arli$$ included [Gulf of Sonkin]

the little dream I dreamt has come true: the return of the Coreys! And yes, Corey Haim’s looks could kill you

you decide what’s scarier: the Screech sex-tape or the Jessie Spano ‘So Eggcited’ montage

the ADL, continuing to be the more embarrassing to Jews than Brett Ratner or the ‘midget twin’ d’bags whom everyone loves

unless Kristin Cavallari shows off her ‘hair pie’, the Revenge of the Nerds remake is destined to be only a IVth good as Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love

so how comes Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard [set photos] aint being shot in New Hampshire (the state’s motto, minus the hard)? Are they afraid of the ghost of the Old Man of the mountain?

first rule of The OC season 4: you do not talk about Fight Club!

you could be the designer of the 2010 Olympic mascot, I mean, if you handed in a Post-It note with stick figures, it would still be seen as a vast improvement over Athena and Phevos

remember Little Mr Sunshine? There’s even mo fo yo!

and does anyone remember the REAL Little Miss Sunshine? Hopefully Roger Hargreaves is makin some sick royalty monies from that mediocre movie

What was the first thing ever sold on eBay?

your typical NFL long snapper’s weekday

werld’s bestest no-hotlinking allowed message

Mr. Rogers meets Donkey Kong

the Mindy Kaling (The Office‘s Spicy Curry award winner) Livejour
nal Community

w/o the handy Shakespeare Searched, I woulda had no idea that ‘flazzum’ or ‘thrizz’ did not appear in any of his werks

Top 10 Worst Portrayals of Technology in Film [Jew Wanna Cure?]

The 25 Worst Web Sites

Stars Caught In The Rain

Trekkie Paradise

Mascot Stalker [YBNBY]

Bad Idea Jeans, tatts edish [NSFW Wednesday Addams on the 2nd one]

9 months of gestation in 20 seconds

and, the day that high brow purrfectly met wit low brow…

[The Menace]

Gawd bless all the GQ HQs round the world for their continuing commitment to sexcellence

even mo not related… the wursted Bond theme of dem all: ‘From Russia With Love‘ [d] by crooner Matt Monro, who apparently had a thing for large black men…

[MM.com]