Thighs Wide Shut

and YES, this is the gayest pic of Gandalf that you will ever see

the closest one can get to Stanley Kubrick these days, besides catchin a giant retrospective, like the one in suburban MD, is buying the artwork of his wife, Christiane

the one link I shoulda never clicked on cause I is now blind: I am – Mena Suvari Topless Beach of the Day [NSFW & Eyes]

Borat, now in bunnyvision

The Slow Clap, sadly not about the creeping up of gonorrhea

death from a doppleganger

Library Thing Suggester or to hell with that and juss try to keep pace with everytang that Art Garfunkel has read

PFUBU (Porn For Us By Us): Assraellis [NSFW]

What Does 200 Calories Look Like?

kids, make yer own Optimus Prime! [Pakula Shaker]

love animated gifs? then you’ll love the Animated Gif Mashup!

hey you, if you ever find that ‘peggy flemming thigh machine‘, lemme know cause I wanna sue that bitch for Thighpyright infringement

The Post-It Note Jaguar, most likely engineered by Romy and Michele

and if yer ever in northern VT, besides gettin yer nosh on at Al’s French Frys, you muss muss stop at Ben & Jerry’s Factory Tour in Waterbury. It’s not the craziest thang ever but me & the Thigh Mistress, although not as hot as these two, found it all to be quite mooooooooooving

If you need more info on the tour
please contact them toll-free
at 866-BJ-TOURS

Epic Movie
An Epic Waste of Time
Trailers & Mo

After takin in weeks and weeks of the opposite of weak fare leading up to the Globes and the AA nominations, yours Thighly decided it was time to see something fluffy and mind numbing, and perhaps even entertaining. Well, after peepin about 30 seconds of Epic Movie I was willing to trade in the escapism of a movie theater for escaping from the movie theater! YIIIIIIIIKES!! So for the first movie that I see from the ‘007 I’m all ready to declare it the wurstest of year! It’ll be purty hard to beat, but then again a release date hasn’t been set for Keenen Ivory Wayans’ The Munsters, so lettuce not declare any winners losers juss yet

Sure, I’m the toughest of tough cookies when it comes to comedies (tits a no-brainer that Blades of Glory is gonna be a hannah-shit-storm), but ya gotta truss me on this one that only the parents of the filmmakers are gonna find this funny. After one early Doritos joke that made me chuckle alound, I decided to keep count of the laffs. 1 hour and 20 some odd minutes later, the finger count remained the same!! The jokes were lamer than lamerer. They’re so dated that in 5 years, no one will even understand what they’re even pokin fun at

There were only five thangs that I got outta this, and none of them had to do with laffing:

1) Darrell Hammond’s pirating of Cpt Jack Sparrow has got to rank among his bestest imitations

2) the sandra oh so adorable Jayma Mays‘ first lead role is a complete waste of her talents. Not so much her fault, unless of course she read the script before filming began, but they basically turned her into an unfunny redheaded version of Anna Faris. Oddly enuff, the two will be in Gregg Araki’s follow-up to his uber-brills Myserious Skin [TWS.org’s mini-review], Smiley Face

3) Christopher Guest regulars Jennifer Coolidge, Fred Willard & Jim Piddock are about as pathetic in this poo-fest as they were in For Your Consideration [TWS’s poo-review]. Go figure

4) Kal Penn is the Indian Samuel L Jackson. He never turns down a movie. Lettuce hope The Namesake [trailer] will redeem all

& frynally

5) Biggest missed-casting in recent memory (notice I didn’t spray ‘miscasting’): letting the usual money bags mcgee Johnny Depp ruin the legend of Willy Wonka, when Crispin Glover would been a wiser choice for the Tim Burton remake. See pic above for what geniusnessness that mighttta been

Unsatisfied with this?: yeah, dumb sure you were, so Netflix one of the more LOL stoopid slapstick flicks of recent memory, Scary Movie 4 [Trailer|TWS.org Review]… no, seriously, you should

Possible Porno Name: Epic Sploogie

Apt MPupil3: how bout something on Epic Records… like anything by Peter Gallagher [tunes on hispace]

IMDb Sweeney: Is Groovy the new Alan Smithee?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…•

Flags of Our Fathers & Letters From Iwo Jima
From The Filmmaker That Gave Us Space Cowboys
Flags Trailer|Jima Trailer

Luckily for us all, Clint’s more interested in human drama than dried fruit drama. I’m not gonna go on and on about either of these movies cause you really should see both, if you haven’t already, and if dat be the case then see them in the order that they were released (USA FIRST BIZATCH!). It’s impossible not to compare the films as they are two sides of one enorm-o story, er, um, war, so… I’m going to compare them. Flags isn’t as deeply emotional as Jima, but then again it’s not nearly as boring as it is either. I’m not saying that Iwo is woeful for the eyes, but Flags‘ sucksseeds as a piece of infotainment mo cause it pays equal attention to the home AND away, while Letters clocks waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many hours on that island. Dats all I gotta say… or not…

Before I go, I juss wanna give a giant middle finger to the Academy for two things:

1) how could anyone with eyes ever EVER EVER say that Little Miss Snoozeshine is more deserving of a Best Pic nom than Flags? With that kinda thinkin Napoleon Dynamite shoulda got a nod instead of Million Dollar Baby 2 years ago

2) Adam Beach from Flags got so hosed in the Best Supporting category. I can’t really disagree with their picks, and no offense to Alan Arkin, but the same rule applies as with #1

Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix the John Wayne klassic Sands of Iwo Jima [trailer], which hactually featured the surviving flag raisers AND the flag itself!

Possible Porno Name: Our Fathers Are Fags & Penthouse Letters From Iwo Jima

Apt MPupil3: Pat Benatar’s ‘Love Is A Battlefield‘ [d]

Papa’s Got A Brand New Flag: take a peep at photographer Joe Rosenthal, who peaced the fork out last August, speak about that iconic image, which also eggsists in video form

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): sure, Iwo seems like it’s 4374217142 hours long, but in the long run, both are ultimately Breast In Show

until next thyme the balcony is clothed… and by next time, I mean next week we’re frynally gonna unveil the breast of the breast in movies ‘006!!

Rocky Balboa
A Knockout
Trailers

I never thought that in a million years that a 6th Rocky movie would not only be watchable, but effin yumcredible! DATS EFFIN RIGHT, YO! I said it and I don’t care if you think otherwise. RB is the perfect ending to a series that shoulda hung up its gloves well before Lang got clubbered in #III. While it largely succeeds cause its a respectful celebration of the well travelled road of Rocky, in my mind, it extra-largely succeeds cause the film is a cinematic metaphor for Sylvester Stallone’s own rocky roaded life. When Rocky sez something about his life in the film, he’s also talkin bout Sylvester’s. It’s actually all very touching, and I aint talkin bout what one does when watching a Keeley Hazel sex tape, and it call all purty much be summed up in these lines (which almost doubles the length of this review!)

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!

Gawd bless you SS. You turned what shoulda been a joke into something of relevance. I don’t think anyone expected that to happen, but you went out and did what you do best, and for that, I think we can stop making Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot jokes… for at least another year. Breast of all, this gives me great hope for Die Hard IV: Live Free of Die Hard… even if that stoopid Jeepers Creepers Apple loser is in it

Unsatisfied with this?: then wait for Rambo IV: Pearl of the Cobra, which, to my chuck-knoll-ledge, has nothing to do with Cobra

Possible Porno Name: Bumby Dildo, AHHHHHH!

Apt MPupil3: David Barrett‘s only shining moment, ‘That One Shining Moment‘ [d|vid|post]

IMDb Sweeney: Rocky Sylvester’s currently attached to play ex-LAPD Detective Russell Poole, the man who solved the Biggie Smalls case, but was thwarted by his own superiors, in the ‘008 TV film Notorious, which I guess will be the closest thing Sly will ever get to being in a Hitchcock movie, although he did have an uncredited bit part in Woody Allen’s klassic Bananas and in the Oscar winning Klute. And who had any idea that his first film role was in a porn, The Party at Kitty and Stud’s?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…