Thighs Wide Shut

Well, slain and pimple, it wasn’t the show that was snoozy, it was the nominated movies that were were beyond snoozedome. You know it was a bad year for movies when Talladega Nights gets three mentions during the telecast. Sure, The Departed was an entertainin flick, but Bestest Picture of the Year? Maybe bestest Asian foreign remake of the year! Were any of the best pic nominees worthy of that title? In my boooook, there were at least 8 films better than the ones they choose. Hell, I’ll bet The Danish Poet was less of a snoozefest than Little Miss Snoozeshine. OK, so that’s the last peep you’ll hear from me on LMS, cept I muss say kudos to the voters for picking Alan Arkin over Eddier Murphy. If only the same could be said for the supporting ass-stress category, where anyone but winner SINGER Jennifer Hudson was woolworthier! As for Ellen DeFishtaco, well, she was a mighty fine host. I mean, she’s now the single greatestist female host of the Oscars of balls thyme. The previous person to hold that title was no one since Whoppi Goldberg was the only prior female solo host and the world was spankfully reliefed from her comedy years ago

And w/o further Freddy Adu, here are the only things you missed if you missed the 2007 Academy Awards…

Adriana Barraza’s esposo Arnaldo Pipke’s mustache

Nicole Kidman renaming of Dreamgirls

as Dreamgoyurls

these peeps freestylin sounds with their mouths
which in turn
makes Michael Winslow
the #1 choice for the ‘008 edish

& if he’s not available
how bout Rahzel

Click goes winless

which was probs the night’s only sure thing

a MasterCard commeresh

starring an elephant
& Leon Carosi
owner of Malibu Sands Beach Club
from Saved By The Best

Karen totally steppin out on Jim
with Ennio Morricone

next up for EM?
an honorary award at
next year’s Dundies!

thumcredible shadow shiz
with human bodies

but if they were to do the above with their feet
it woulda been a CAMEL TOE!

&

the unibrow of Walt Martin
and
that dude modeling off the green tux from Dreamgoyurls
(no pics available as of now
but somewhere out there
on the interwebs
they does)

We…

hit 4 mil visitors

3/4 of which are the FBI & The Department of Homeland Insecurity

learn that we’re #1 in image searches on Yahoo! for

although we’d prefer it was for Scheyer Face

stroked a dildo and a double edged one at that for the fist time
•
hard to bee leave, I know
and pun intended, I know

watched Colonel Honey Mustard

murder Private Pyle in the latrine with said dildo

&

not a milestone
but miles away better than the Bears’ Super Bowl Shuffle…

[the Bog]

spank the LORD of the cock rings
for not letting Little Ms
take the top(less) prize

fool Oscar wrap up to come…

And the winner is…

Breastest Adapted Screenplay

Breastest Gypsy Dramedy Mt Everest

[idea by Girzzle Grazzle]

Breastest ACC-James Joyce Joint
Spike Lee Has Yet To Smoke

so?

Will Little Miss Poopshine win the big prize and thus make me lose faith in Hollywood. Wait, did I ever have faith in Hollywood besides in Faith Ford’s holly givin me wood?

Will the Academy realize that they made a mistake in the supporting categories when the omitted Emily Blunt AND Michael Sheen?

Will this finally be Kevin O’Connell‘s year?

Will Jews vote for Hitler?

Will I sleep through all 3 of the Dreamgirls nominated song performances like I almost did watching Dreamgirls?

Will Binta y La Gran Idea [watch] be hailed as the greatestist ‘inta’ since Columbus’ Pinta?

Will there be time for nuts?

Will Forte?

stay tuned, like yer name was Mr Poon!