Profiting from spying is one tuff gig. And don’t even bother asking Alexander Litvinenko, cause dead men don’t tell lies or cash checks, although some people will still try to bone them even if their pulse is longer gone than the blinking red light inside the CD case for Pink Floyd’s Pulse. Anywho, in light of the New England Patriots’ spy gaming, looks like some real green-blooded Americans are trying to cash in on the phenomenon. While the carl pickens are rather slim thus far, you still might wanna try theseon for thighs
semi-related, and equally refarted: while those shirts may be selling like lukewarm cupcakes, the gargantuan 48 paged Nathan Hale: Patriot Spy book is slowly rising up the charts, currently at #242,871 in Amazon.com’s sales rank!!!
Sure, Wes Anderson’s AT&T Commercials are quite nifty, but where are the .357s, with a bayonet? Or more importantly, where’s Tom Selleck’s voice, hexplainin’ to me why all those ‘You Will‘ promises he made us in the early 90s, like renewing my drivers license at an ATM, attending a meeting in my bare feet, or tucking my non-existent baby in from a phone booth, never came to fruition? Magnum PI my a$$! More like Magnum FU!!
For better or worse, December Boys will always be known as Daniel Radcliffe’s first post-Potter flick. And he’s mos certainly miles away from Hogwarts here, playing the cigarette-smoking, puberty-horny, spectacle-free Maps (sounds like his uber-breastness appearance on Extras). Maps is the eldest of four boys (each with similarly odd names: Misty, Sparks and Spit), who get a summer holiday away from the church orphanage on a remote Australian coast (dat’s right, December is a summer month for those south of the equator, ya big dummies). While the younger trio dream and dream of being adopted, and even more so when a rumor flies that a childless couple at this seaside retreat is interested in such a thing, Maps’ accepts the bad hand he’s been dealt and tries his damnedest to hurry up his maturation process. A few trips to a cave with a randy young girl seem to help temporarily, but what about in the long run? Have no fear, as the fond reflecting narration of that one great summer unravels, you juss know that every thing’s going to end up a-ight. December Boys is kinda like Stand By Me, yet with no Ray Brauer‘s body drama to keep you glued to your seat. Sure, this flick may be a lil on the vanilla side, but by the end, yer gonna wanna adopt all four of these lil buggers!
I really really wanted to like this no-budget film, but as it dragged on and on, I kept getting angrier and angrier with it. Maybe that was its intention, but I’d rather be friends with a film than an enemy of it. So what got me so flustered? There’s two cons games constantly being played, and for all those involved, it’s juss too darn aggravating that they can’t see they’re being tricked. Our two main novice A&R characters travel the country selling dreams of stardom to ungifted musicians, but in the process, it’s their own legs that are being pulled by the home office, who are more interested in securing dollars than talent. To make my depression worse, the musicians endlessly auditioning before our eyes aren’t actors, but real people, who actually responded to vague newspaper ads that they hoped would fufill their dreams. So not only are they being conned in the movie, but for the movie. Sure, it makes for a more realistic film, but to me, that reality bites
17. Sep, 2007 
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