Saturday, July 31
| Friday, July 30
Who are you?! I'm Batman.
-Not only is this dumbest invention since sliced bread, but you think they could have come up with a better name than Poke-ya. It sounds like some new brand of vibrator.
-If you're not reading the Sports Guy on ESPN Page 2, you should be. Especially this week.
-Lohan and Batman. Can you really ask for anything more?
-I would have shot Ozzy too if I were married to him.
-Peace out to Watson's Boy, Crick. Without him we wouldn't have seedless watermelon.
-That's it for today. I'm off to the beach too for the weekend. It's been fun. Navi.
Thursday, July 29
ThighMaster's Potential Second Wife Engaged
The Pimp is Now Behind the Wheels
The thighmaster is busy getting sun-burned right now, so you will have to make due with me.
-Don't eat on the Metro in D.C. or you might get a full cavity search.
-A Maryland basketball player, Nik Cane Her Medley, got arrested. What a shocker.
-Michael has been doing some early X-mass shopping or at least looking for a date.
-Courtney is going into rehab. When does her trial start for killing Kurt?
-Pierce Brosnan is no longer James Bond. I hear Mr. Bean is up for the role.
-Jeff Foxworthy is back on TV. All is good in the world.
Wednesday, July 28
Sticky Fingers
This should keep me busy for a few hours...
Scoop via Dearest Uncle Grambsy via StereoShizzle
via con dios ('coming soon', damn straight!)
Farting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
Kids, I'm off to the rainbow and family friendly confines of Rehoboth Beach, Delawhere (yes, it is a state) for a lil R & R, A & P, AT & T. Good thing I'm going with my family and not my gay lover Elijah Wood. Whilst I is away, some very special guests will be posting crap on this site. In the meantime, I've posted a few jounks below to tide you over. See you all on the phillipside!
- Beck & Jack White, the best collaboration since turkey-wrapped bacon.
- Our girl CityRag Doll is making us foam at the mouth just reading about her LES Food Tour.
- Shady Friendster pictures eggsplained!! [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Win a Hanson concert at yer MASH (Mansion Apartment Shack or House)!
- There is nothing 'hip' about these undies.
- Duff plays the hits, but shows no tits. You call that a concert? Lettuce just wait to Her Royal Thighness, the Lohan, goes on tour.
- I don't care if the peaches are flat or not, but they butter be shaved and not smell like tuna juice.
- And I'll be size XXXXXL after my weak end of gorging on za, taffy, fries, and more za, but I'll never ever join a gang of XXL women shoplifters. Piece the fudge out peoples. Be fruitful and multiply!!
- Beck & Jack White, the best collaboration since turkey-wrapped bacon.
- Our girl CityRag Doll is making us foam at the mouth just reading about her LES Food Tour.
- Shady Friendster pictures eggsplained!! [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Win a Hanson concert at yer MASH (Mansion Apartment Shack or House)!
- There is nothing 'hip' about these undies.
- Duff plays the hits, but shows no tits. You call that a concert? Lettuce just wait to Her Royal Thighness, the Lohan, goes on tour.
- I don't care if the peaches are flat or not, but they butter be shaved and not smell like tuna juice.
- And I'll be size XXXXXL after my weak end of gorging on za, taffy, fries, and more za, but I'll never ever join a gang of XXL women shoplifters. Piece the fudge out peoples. Be fruitful and multiply!!
Citizen Dean Cain
- Former Presidential nominee and spazmatazz guru, Howard Dean took center stage at the DNC tonight. He received a 79-minute standing-O without even uttering a word, booty. But when the diarrhea (aka his speech) started to flow from his pipes, I started dozing off. If he really wanted to pump up the crowd, he should have busted out some of his fly "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarcgh" remixes that are even butter than the Jay-Z Black Album ones. Here are the straight up klassics with a K:
- Hey Yeaaargh!
- 7 Nation Candidate
- Grars
- And the ultimate: Mortal Dean Kombat (complete with images)
- Forget about following what those "professional bloggers" are reporting at the DNC. Just czech out what our man the Shoppe of Products Keeper has scooped up.
- And is Vincent Gallo the creepiest Republican ever? [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Weezer, say it aint so: New York Subway Stop Names For Sale?.
- To Hell with Lohan's Herbie: Fully Loaded, cause Toyota's going to unleash a real car with real emotions. Scare-E shiz. Maybe we should have listened to Will Smith's proclamation of Them, Robots.
- The Archdukes invade the Roseland Ballroom on September 9th. Tickets go on sale this Friday at noon. Get em before all the hipster bloggers beat you to em!
- Everyone's one stop shop for a$$holeism, SiegHeil.de has a new look... being redirected to Shoa.de, a site dedicated to exposing the horrors of the Holocaust.
- My boy Wanamaker is fit, but don't he know it! He's the one smiling in the lower left-hand corner.
- If yer rich, marry me, but also peepage what my girl Chillary "My Last Name Really Isn't" Johnmis on CNN has to say about bling-bleaux travel and leisure.
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- Words. Lots of words.
- VMA noms announced. Yer umhumble Thigh Master has declared a jihad on the VMAs ever since the Gorillaz' "Clint Eastwood" video lost to Mudvayne for the M2 award in 2001.
- Jenny McCarthy to star in a Dirty movie that she also wrote and her husband will direct. If her boobs aren't in it for 68/69nths of the time, I'll demand my money back.
- Calculate how much booze you've downed in yer life here. [Link via Randall Palms]
- The Steven Segal Official Fan Club. Don't sign up all at once now! [Link 1nce again via Zach de la Roachclip]
- And don't read this before lunch or visiting yer dentist: Dentist Allegedly Injected Semen Into Patients' Mouths. [Link via Guns 'n' Rosenthal]
Tuesday, July 27
Signs of The Thymes
Paul Revered & The Raiders
- We here at Thighs Wide blow camels for a living, but apparently we also blow minds as well. After outing the Raider of Panties as a Raider of Pantries on the side, we didn't realize that it was actually true! Damn you office firewalls of the world! You took away my favorite site adorned with pink panties and forced him to fill it with books and pepper grinders! Breast in piece Panties!!
- Thanks to the JD Salinger of blogging, and my muse, Ms Modern Rage, I'm having seconds thoughts about this whole Lohan and Thigh Master union. Examine eggzibits A, B, & C.
- Is it really illegal to tear the tags off your mattress? The truth explained! If only that poor shotgun-wielding Utahiahian knew that info when Fletch told him, "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the mattress police. There are no tags on these mattresses." Yer not recoding this, are you?
- Polaroid: The Blog!
- Air's "Alpha Beta Gamma": One of the most umcredible songs of the year. Also, one of the slammninest tunes to feature whistling. Too bad the video doesn't even come close to matching tits greatness. Peep on WindowsMedia or RealPlayer. (Make yer own remix of the song by clicking both a second apart.)
- Please, whatever you do, don't pay good money to see a Brittany Murphy movie when you can see it for free. And for you special Neue Yorkers, I guarantee this free screening is going to be the bee's wax: Code 46 starring Tom Robbins, Samantha Morton, and directed by the umazing Michael Winterbottom.
- The final season of The Sopranos hits small screens in 2006. Maybe in that span of time they'll (love) actually come up with some storylines instead of AJ's eyebrows getting shaved or Paulie Walnuts complaining about landscaping. And if not, they'll just fill the rest of their cast with Goodfellas actors. I'm sure Johnny Roastbeef or even the great Jimmy Two Times aren't all that busy. Gotta go get the papers, the papers!!
- And finally, I ask you: What's Asian, covered in dry blood, and makes me want to cut off my johnson? This girl. [Link via Biz vs the Newbs]
- Thanks to the JD Salinger of blogging, and my muse, Ms Modern Rage, I'm having seconds thoughts about this whole Lohan and Thigh Master union. Examine eggzibits A, B, & C.
- Is it really illegal to tear the tags off your mattress? The truth explained! If only that poor shotgun-wielding Utahiahian knew that info when Fletch told him, "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the mattress police. There are no tags on these mattresses." Yer not recoding this, are you?
- Polaroid: The Blog!
- Air's "Alpha Beta Gamma": One of the most umcredible songs of the year. Also, one of the slammninest tunes to feature whistling. Too bad the video doesn't even come close to matching tits greatness. Peep on WindowsMedia or RealPlayer. (Make yer own remix of the song by clicking both a second apart.)
- Please, whatever you do, don't pay good money to see a Brittany Murphy movie when you can see it for free. And for you special Neue Yorkers, I guarantee this free screening is going to be the bee's wax: Code 46 starring Tom Robbins, Samantha Morton, and directed by the umazing Michael Winterbottom.
- The final season of The Sopranos hits small screens in 2006. Maybe in that span of time they'll (love) actually come up with some storylines instead of AJ's eyebrows getting shaved or Paulie Walnuts complaining about landscaping. And if not, they'll just fill the rest of their cast with Goodfellas actors. I'm sure Johnny Roastbeef or even the great Jimmy Two Times aren't all that busy. Gotta go get the papers, the papers!!
- And finally, I ask you: What's Asian, covered in dry blood, and makes me want to cut off my johnson? This girl. [Link via Biz vs the Newbs]
Monday, July 26
Linkawhoreus Rex
So much shiz to ketchup on, so lets get this part-tay started...
- Star Wars: Episode Blah has a new name: Revenge of the Sith. George Puck-on-us, you already shat on my childhood, so why don't you just do us all a favor and call the final piece of yer dung trilogy, Return of the Shitstain. And if Lobot doesn't make an appearance in Sith, Linda Ronstadt and I will never bone you again!!
- So if I stop wearing furs and denounce my carnivoreship, can I hook up with some hot hippie chick all day long? (click on the video on the right side)
- Where do washed-up famous gay peoples find work? On a 24-hour gay network that needs to fill a lot of hours o' programming. Welcome back to the working world Scott Thompson and Chastity Bono!!
- Everyone least favorite Jeopardy! contestant, KJ, ended the season on a high note. Cpt Boring broke the one-day record with $75K large, bringing his grand total after 38 episodes to $1,321,660. Wow, that's more TV appearances than the entire cast of 21 Jump Street (sans J-Depp) has had after the show was cancelled. Poor Dustin Nguyen and Peter DeLuise. Maybe they can try to borrow some cash off of KJ when the show resumes on September 6th.
- Peace the mudder-fudge out to a man with one of the flyest names ever: Cotton Fitzsimmons.
- Ian Brown plays Stone Roses songs for the 1st time in almost ten years. Now do everyone a favor and get the band back together before someone dies.
- Amateur porno makers take note, cause Paris Hilton is once again open for bidness.
- News article that reinforces my point about F-9/11 only appealing to Democrats: few Republicans who have seen the movie appear to have been swayed by its propaganda. Anywho, the flick just crossed the 100 mil mark.
- Speaking of the erection, Bush Hopes to Sway Jewish Voters. Good luck with that one!
- This bird hates Dutch art.
- I love women, but I'd rather slit my eyes out or see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen than watch them play basketball. However I may have to waive my harsh policies since the NY Liberty have found temporary asylum at the infamous Radio City Music Hall, while MSG hosts the Resucklican Party Convention. How umcredible is that? If only they handed out free HJs and BJs then more men would go too!
- Trainspotting pub to close down.
- Ricky Williams chooses weed over the NFL. Glad the Skins passed up on that shlub-bub.
And here be a forkload of odd news (new and old) with major help from Flea's Ho-bag:
- Police Seek Naked Fast-Food Patron. Hopefully he wasn't covered in nacho cheese.
- Olsoivian hotel workers call to ban hotel porn. I guess they don't want to make a profit anymore.
- Bush writes on dung. Fitting since his words are sh%t!
- 416 pounds of beauty.
- Women Plow In Nude To Relieve Drought. Is that how Borat's wife died?
- DotComGuy changes name back to Mitch Maddox. Surprisingly, DotLoser is married. I bet her name was DotTunaCrotchChick.edu
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- So if I stop wearing furs and denounce my carnivoreship, can I hook up with some hot hippie chick all day long? (click on the video on the right side)
- Where do washed-up famous gay peoples find work? On a 24-hour gay network that needs to fill a lot of hours o' programming. Welcome back to the working world Scott Thompson and Chastity Bono!!
- Everyone least favorite Jeopardy! contestant, KJ, ended the season on a high note. Cpt Boring broke the one-day record with $75K large, bringing his grand total after 38 episodes to $1,321,660. Wow, that's more TV appearances than the entire cast of 21 Jump Street (sans J-Depp) has had after the show was cancelled. Poor Dustin Nguyen and Peter DeLuise. Maybe they can try to borrow some cash off of KJ when the show resumes on September 6th.
- Peace the mudder-fudge out to a man with one of the flyest names ever: Cotton Fitzsimmons.
- Ian Brown plays Stone Roses songs for the 1st time in almost ten years. Now do everyone a favor and get the band back together before someone dies.
- Amateur porno makers take note, cause Paris Hilton is once again open for bidness.
- News article that reinforces my point about F-9/11 only appealing to Democrats: few Republicans who have seen the movie appear to have been swayed by its propaganda. Anywho, the flick just crossed the 100 mil mark.
- Speaking of the erection, Bush Hopes to Sway Jewish Voters. Good luck with that one!
- This bird hates Dutch art.
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- Trainspotting pub to close down.
- Ricky Williams chooses weed over the NFL. Glad the Skins passed up on that shlub-bub.
And here be a forkload of odd news (new and old) with major help from Flea's Ho-bag:
- Police Seek Naked Fast-Food Patron. Hopefully he wasn't covered in nacho cheese.
- Olsoivian hotel workers call to ban hotel porn. I guess they don't want to make a profit anymore.
- Bush writes on dung. Fitting since his words are sh%t!
- 416 pounds of beauty.
- Women Plow In Nude To Relieve Drought. Is that how Borat's wife died?
- DotComGuy changes name back to Mitch Maddox. Surprisingly, DotLoser is married. I bet her name was DotTunaCrotchChick.edu
Sunday, July 25
And The Next
Mrs Thigh Master Is...
After some grueling months of campaigning and cat fights, you, the people and readers of TWS.org, have chosen my next wife. Here are the results from wurstest to breastest:
Tied for last place with 14% of the vote each
Meeshawn Barton Fink
&
Mrs Dairy King/Burger Queen
And surprisingly, a whopping 27% of the peoples wish I would bury the hatchet with My Former Mustache (it could probably scrounge up more votes for US Prez than Ralph Nadermeyer)
You all should have yer head eggzamined!
And with 45% of electric company college vote, the woman who I will take great pleasure in procreating with until I'm Thighs Wide Done is none other than Her Royal Thighness, the former Tween Dream Queen, and now every 14-39-year-old male's wet dream, yep, LL
Pic stolen from our berry good fiends over at f.u.b.a.r.
Thanks for voting and be sure to weigh in on our new poll!
Meeshawn Barton Fink
&
Mrs Dairy King/Burger Queen
And surprisingly, a whopping 27% of the peoples wish I would bury the hatchet with My Former Mustache (it could probably scrounge up more votes for US Prez than Ralph Nadermeyer)
You all should have yer head eggzamined!
And with 45% of electric company college vote, the woman who I will take great pleasure in procreating with until I'm Thighs Wide Done is none other than Her Royal Thighness, the former Tween Dream Queen, and now every 14-39-year-old male's wet dream, yep, LL
Pic stolen from our berry good fiends over at f.u.b.a.r.
Thanks for voting and be sure to weigh in on our new poll!
Saturday, July 24
Computer Talk Funny
Turn on sound and THEN click me, then me, then me, then me, and finally me! And for good measure, click me and me.
Wurstest
Bestestist Animated
Thang o the Moment
Friday, July 23
Hives Wide Open
The Hives
+ Sahara Hotnights
Irving Plaza - July 22nd
Before I begin, I must state for the LP that me can't stand it when a band releases their latest album the same week they begin their tour. How am I to fully enjoy their show if I'm not too familiar with all the tracks yet? Drop the album and then give us at least a few weeks to get our booties shaking and our appetites whet.
Is Sweden the innest country or what? Their red fish and meatballs are scumdeliumptious, and their English-language music output is unrelievable. ABBA were the Beatles of the 70s and the Hives are the Kinks of the Double-0 Zeroes. These guy kick so much gla$$! Last time I saw them was with the Mooney Suzuki in June of 2002 and they played for only 45 minutes. 45 minutes doesn't sound like an awful long time, but when yer the Hives, yer songs are 2 seconds each and you can pack so much in that span of time. It was one of the best 45 minutes I had eggspeareanced since peeping the training portion of Full Metal Jacket. Anything beyond that time mark is just overkill ("me sucky sucky" not included).
Last noche, they played for a little over an hour, drawing from albums past and heavily on their latest, Tyrannosaurus Hives. The old stuff ("Main Offender", "Hate To Say I Told You So", "Supply and Demand", etc) was more killer than the Son of Sam and the new stuff faired pretty darn well too... would have been better if I had more time to listenage to the album. The main draw to their performances aren't the music, but rather the extreme-o energy that they exude. (These guys must take forkloads of IVs loaded with Red Bull, Frosted Flakes, speed, and Jolt Cola before their shows.) And they do all of this rocking and/or rolling in their fab-u-los Kentucky Colonel getups.
Here's a qwik rundown on this Swedetastic band. Brilliant work Randy Fitzsimmons!!
Howlin Pelle Almqvist - He must think he's Prince cause he's constantly seeking audience approval and telling us that he loves us and that we love him. If he cut down on the chit-shat, the show would probably be 18 minutes long. Anywho, he has dreamy eyes and hair to die for. I think I'd go heteroflexible for him... if Jude Law was busy of course.
Nicholaus Arson - Looks like Mr Bean, but plays the guitar like a crackfiend with 10 cents in his pockets.
Chris Dangerous - His drumming arms must ache more after one show than Nolan Ryan's pitching arm did after his entire career.
Vigilante Carlstroem - I feel so bad for him cause he was sweating as soon as he came out on stage.
Dr. Matt Destruction - Best mustache in all of rock?
Pee es - the Hotnights were solid like a corn poopie, cept I was a lil peeved they were half da way thru playing "On Top Of Your World" as me and the cru were walking in.
+ Sahara Hotnights
Irving Plaza - July 22nd
Before I begin, I must state for the LP that me can't stand it when a band releases their latest album the same week they begin their tour. How am I to fully enjoy their show if I'm not too familiar with all the tracks yet? Drop the album and then give us at least a few weeks to get our booties shaking and our appetites whet.
Is Sweden the innest country or what? Their red fish and meatballs are scumdeliumptious, and their English-language music output is unrelievable. ABBA were the Beatles of the 70s and the Hives are the Kinks of the Double-0 Zeroes. These guy kick so much gla$$! Last time I saw them was with the Mooney Suzuki in June of 2002 and they played for only 45 minutes. 45 minutes doesn't sound like an awful long time, but when yer the Hives, yer songs are 2 seconds each and you can pack so much in that span of time. It was one of the best 45 minutes I had eggspeareanced since peeping the training portion of Full Metal Jacket. Anything beyond that time mark is just overkill ("me sucky sucky" not included).
Last noche, they played for a little over an hour, drawing from albums past and heavily on their latest, Tyrannosaurus Hives. The old stuff ("Main Offender", "Hate To Say I Told You So", "Supply and Demand", etc) was more killer than the Son of Sam and the new stuff faired pretty darn well too... would have been better if I had more time to listenage to the album. The main draw to their performances aren't the music, but rather the extreme-o energy that they exude. (These guys must take forkloads of IVs loaded with Red Bull, Frosted Flakes, speed, and Jolt Cola before their shows.) And they do all of this rocking and/or rolling in their fab-u-los Kentucky Colonel getups.
Here's a qwik rundown on this Swedetastic band. Brilliant work Randy Fitzsimmons!!
Howlin Pelle Almqvist - He must think he's Prince cause he's constantly seeking audience approval and telling us that he loves us and that we love him. If he cut down on the chit-shat, the show would probably be 18 minutes long. Anywho, he has dreamy eyes and hair to die for. I think I'd go heteroflexible for him... if Jude Law was busy of course.
Nicholaus Arson - Looks like Mr Bean, but plays the guitar like a crackfiend with 10 cents in his pockets.
Chris Dangerous - His drumming arms must ache more after one show than Nolan Ryan's pitching arm did after his entire career.
Vigilante Carlstroem - I feel so bad for him cause he was sweating as soon as he came out on stage.
Dr. Matt Destruction - Best mustache in all of rock?
Pee es - the Hotnights were solid like a corn poopie, cept I was a lil peeved they were half da way thru playing "On Top Of Your World" as me and the cru were walking in.
Good News/Bad News
Bad news first: Tits official, Her Royal Thighness and Fez are an item. [Link via my gal Chelonia]
And now for the goode: Czech out this ultra-dope-fly line-up for The 6th Annual Voodoo Music Experience October 16-17th, in the birthplace of Popeyes fried chicken.
The Pixies, The Beastie Boys, The Killers, A Tribe Called Quest (they're back together?), De La Soul, Velvet Revolver, The Thrills, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Green Day, Kid Rock, Paul Van Dyk, Sonic Youth, The Polyphonic Spree, Gomez, Cypress Hill, Shinedown, Phantom Planet, Snow Patrol, Particle, Wylde Bunch, Metric, New Found Glory, Cowboy Mouth, AlterBridge, Killradio, Gogol Bordello, Supagroup, Gooding, Ghost and the magic words, MORE TO BE ANNOUNCED.
Click here for a chance to score some tickets to the show. And if you win AND take me, I'll take you to the all-you-can eat Popeyes on me (that was a lot of yous and mes, eh?).
And now for the goode: Czech out this ultra-dope-fly line-up for The 6th Annual Voodoo Music Experience October 16-17th, in the birthplace of Popeyes fried chicken.
The Pixies, The Beastie Boys, The Killers, A Tribe Called Quest (they're back together?), De La Soul, Velvet Revolver, The Thrills, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Green Day, Kid Rock, Paul Van Dyk, Sonic Youth, The Polyphonic Spree, Gomez, Cypress Hill, Shinedown, Phantom Planet, Snow Patrol, Particle, Wylde Bunch, Metric, New Found Glory, Cowboy Mouth, AlterBridge, Killradio, Gogol Bordello, Supagroup, Gooding, Ghost and the magic words, MORE TO BE ANNOUNCED.
Click here for a chance to score some tickets to the show. And if you win AND take me, I'll take you to the all-you-can eat Popeyes on me (that was a lot of yous and mes, eh?).
Masters & Commandments
The Faux Side of the World
 |
- Bush/Hitler comparison clip removed from Ozzfest video montage. I don't think people would have complained as much if it was just a clip of A$$hole eating a watermelon.
- Tom & Jerry, the live action talk show. It's not what you think.
- What on earth is Bert doing to Ernie? [NSFW thing via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Dan the Automat on board for Archduke's follow-up?
- Dave Abbott challenges pretty boy Ken Jennings to a cage match to the death. "I think I could take him."
- The grandest college basketball team in all the land, los Merryland Twerps, are headed to Italy this fall for a 12 day preseason tour. And Duke, they'll be at home shining Mike Kyryewqssrkskikiesies's johnson. And the nihilists, they're going to cut off the Dude's johnson. And the Dude, he's got a great soundboard. Back to Twerp shariz: Welcome back Keith Booth!! And do you think Walt Williams still hangs out with Hootie and his Blowfish?
- Dem be some tall buildings.
- Leisure Suit Larry all over again?
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- 21 days until the Athens games. Wake me up when it's 2006, cold, and Johnny Mosley's baking some more dinner rolls.
- Who created the scores for Planet Of The Apes, Total Recall, Gremlins, Chinatown, Hoosiers, many a Star Trek fliz, and yes, even The Twilight Zone? Oscar owner, Jerry Goldsmith, dats who. Well, he croaked Wednesday night. Peace the f%@k out dawwwwwwwwg.
- Some say breastesiest Goonies website out there. Some of those people are these people people.
- Join the Army and get bigger breasts or a smaller nose for free!!
- Those Dutch make killer pancakes, dope, and windmills. Apparently, they're also tall is fork.
- And word on the street is that Lindsay Lohan ate lunch yesterday. I heard she also had something to drink, but when we contacted her reps, they responded with "No comment."
Thursday, July 22
Goodbye, Mr. Chips
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- Only losers go to Duke. But those losers now get free i-Pods. F-in losers.
- When we last saw Coldplay frontman/Paltrow-leg-humper, Chris Martin, he was hamming it up with The Nappies (a band only a mother of your child could enjoy). Well, apparent-lee he was also dueting with the master of roads and The Streets, Mikeyboy Skinner, on the soon to be hit single, "Dry Your Eyes". Wonder why they dumped the version that he's on? Hmmmmmm. Anywho, we're dying to hear it, so if anyone gots a copy of it, throw it our way.
- Orson Welles must be puking peas in his grave. Why? P Diddy wants you to register to vote thru his non-profit/please look at me org Citizen Change. This is the grossest misuse of big daddy Kane's title since the Lithgow shitpic, Raising Cain or the James Woods/Joe Don Baker thing called Citizen Cohn. And I'm sure we're not too far away from a Gus van Sux shot-by-shot remake with Vince Vaughn playing Charles Foster Kane.
- So many rides. So little pimping to do.
- Think you could gobble 20K Big Macs in yer life. Well, this Super-Size Me "co-star" did just that. Just for the record, I have consumed ZERO Filet o Fishes in my entire life. I'd rather have a 4 zillion trillion rooster-head Chicken McNuggets, then one o Fish.
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- One of the breast flicks of the year, Napoleon Dynamite, goes nationwide this weekend. Some of the world's most award winning critics are calling it "unbelievable". And I guess they want me to see this movie for a 5th time cause they've added new wedding (?) footage to it. And in even more umcredible flick news, Donnie Darko director's jizz opens this Friday in NYC.
- What does a Gyllenhaal, a dog's balls, and cheap Clorox have in common? Yep, Brooklyn goes gaga for Target. [Link via Stereojizzle]
- Sick of animated .gifs where kids get hurt? Too bad.
- Here, look at some before and after boobies [NSFW].
- Other Music announced a free NYC screening of Neil Young's Greendale this upcoming Monday at Rififi.
- These people are a bunch of faggots. [Link via Ultrahottttttie]
- Shannen Doherty: A Study in Asymmetry. [Brill-yant link work via Percenterprises]
Wednesday, July 21
Tongue In Czech
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- Beck has recruited the Dust Brothers to work on his new album. I guess that means this one will actually have a chance at being good, which would be the exactl opposite of his last disc, the booooooooring/slumber-fest known as Sea Change.
- Is it football season yet? Not soon enuff, but Redskins training camp starts July 31st!!!!!! Get a free invitation to attend here.
- Meet the Russian Michael Jackson.
- Mayor Mike's daughter Georgina looks mad fly with a riding cap on, but not so much without it. Maybe I should concentrate my efforts on Ivanka Trump.
- Are these cards more worthless than a complete set of Garbage Pail Kids Series 412?
- Hot bike. Hot chick not included.
- Peace the f%$k out Guided By Voices. Catch em while you can.
- American cigarette companies should take note of this. But then again, they actually want people to buy their nicotine treats and die. [Link via Guns 'n' Rosenthal]
- That is one giant ball o' paint, I tells ya. [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Inmates escape to buy beer. Then return to jail with beer.
- Pathetic: Prince Charles takes his 1st cab ride ever. Maybe mumsy will allow him to buy his 1st porno mag too.
Tuesday, July 20
Chicken In & Out
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- What's with all the bloggah haters these daze? Some bloke named Alex S. Jones has joined the club, calling us folk, "the sizzle" and "not the steak." He goes on to say that blizogs are filled with nothing but, "vulgarity, scorching insults, bitter denunciations, one-sided arguments, erroneous assertions and the array of qualities that might be expected from a blustering know-it-all in a bar." Well guess what pal, we aint the sizzle, we the shiz-nizzle covered in A1, and insults and vulgarity are how us kids communicate. Who cares about real journalism when we can talk about Lohan's thighs and how amazing Leonard Part 6 is to film history. I bet if Mr Jones (no relation to that wretched Counting Crows song) had a blog, it would be more boringer than watching every episode of Murder She Wrote in a row. Step off son, I'm doing the humpty hump.
- Poor Dave Mustaine. Somebody give this man a hug. Or at least an HJ.
- This is probably the lamestest story about LL on the net.
- Shortlist for this years Mercury Prize (UK Album of the Year) has been announced. B Jaxx's KK was one of last year's breast, but will they be able to topple the Archduke or Mikey Skins? And what or who the funk are the Zutons and why did someone kill them? The winner will be announced on September 7th:
Basement Jaxx - Kish Kash
Belle & Sebastian - Dear Catastrophe Waitress
Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
Jamelia - Thank You
Keane - Hopes and Fears
Snow Patrol - Final Straw
Joss Stone - The Soul Sessions
The Streets - A Grand Don't Come for Free
Ty - Upwards
Amy Winehouse - Frank
Robert Wyatt - Cuckooland
The Zutons - Who Killed The Zutons
- And m'yes, big props de leon have to go out to my girl CityRag doll who invited yers drooly to the sliz-hammin Swindle Magazine launch party at BLVD last noche. She and her site truly rock harder than AC/DC.
Back To The Grill Again
The Grill Again
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- Czech out the new lonely Streets video for "Dry Your Eyes" mate. In RealMedia or WindowsMedia. And Mike, tell this geezer that a grand really don't come fo free.
- Crazed Romanian surgeon bobbitises a patient. When did John Wayne's last name become a verb? [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Damon Albarn lashes out at NME. Stop lashing and get Graham back in the band already!!
- Do you make the breastest grilled cheese sang-wich in America? Now be yer chance to prove it.
- Tuna, please disappear forever. The next person I catch microwaving it will be shot as soon as I see the white's of yo eyes!!!
- Rides that do not require pimping.
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- Joe Carnahan out on MI:3. Bryan Singer in on Superman. The Hobbbbitttt flick around the corner?
- Word War I is far from being over. Damn you Archduke Franz Ferdinand (no relation to heteroflexible Scottish rocksterinos)
- REM's latest to be "hardcore". Tour plans in the mix as well. Goooooodie gum drops.
- And with some help from the aforementioned Mr de la Roachclip, here's a headline that the whole fam can enjoy: Nude Man Caught Covered In Nacho Cheese. If only he could find a woman covered in tortilla chips.
Monday, July 19
The Weak End That Was Neither Weak Nor Seemed To End Part II
Saturday July 17th
After Prince, me and Curious George's mum were more hungry than me family during Yom Kippur. We marched up and down Hell's Kitchen with our mouths watering. McHale's? Closed. Vynl? Ditto. We settled on the only place that looked decent and open (not in that order). This place be called Eatery. And Eatery be an f-in fantastic choice for semi-late at nite or whenever. It's sorta like Houston's, but without the really dark lighting. Grab yerself an Adobe Salad or the Mac and Jack. C'mon, when it comes to food, you can trust me!!!
Later that "day"... Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, and nowhere to be found was my friend Jed. Today was going to be hot and sweaty and filled with hipsters, so me and Curious George's mum needed some pre-Siren-Fest-nurshiment. We headed to the only place for unrelievable $3.50 cubano sandwiches that rock the fliz-house: El Malecon II. Everything there is so deli-scrumptious that Doc Oc himself, Alfred Molina, said in Time Out NY that he munches down there.
We boarded el tren, with a Yes & Know pad in-hand (ours was for ages 11-111 only), and headed on down like the Warriors going to Coney Island. 17 days later (or how long it takes to get from the UWS to CI), we made it to our destination. Not much to describe other than we got high on The Wonder Wheel (swinging car for swingers only), rode the best wooden coaster ever, The Cyclone, twice, rocked a wee bit of skeeball and carnie games, got major swamp ass from the batting cages, ate a forkload of Nathan's dogs, checked out bitz and pretzels of Electric Six, Blonde Redhead, and You Will Slow Us By The Smell Of The Dead (hard to hear music when a giant rollo coaster is right next to the stage), and also ate a mango on a stick! It was umcredible and here are some pictures of what umcredible looks like:
Ended the noche with 12 showers and then proceeded to the Spin after party at 6's & 8's round 2 AM. Didn't run into Ultrahotttttie, but boozed it up to the sweet tunes the DJ was a spinnin' (esp Blur's "There's Now Other Way").
Sunday July 18
Bored myself to tears with my first visit to the American Museum of Natural History. Didn't really have a "whale" of a good time looking at fake animals and Native peoples. My interests lie in the unknown, not the known. Therefore my cup of tea was filled in the space shills hizarea. Donated my liver and testicles and I still couldn't afford the $17.50 (discounted) ticket to the Tom Hanks' narrated Passport to the Universe flick. Eventually donated my sperm and we were clear for take off. The seats vibrated and I learned that our galaxy is in something called the Virgo Super Cluster. If I ever got that far away from Earth, I'd be so cluster-f%#ked. Wrapped it up with a quick trek round the best American art museum, El Met, scarfed down some mad kill-ill-ah pizza at Big Nick's, passed out, then woke up for a nite of magical HBO.
Life hasn't been this grand since I was circumcised.
After Prince, me and Curious George's mum were more hungry than me family during Yom Kippur. We marched up and down Hell's Kitchen with our mouths watering. McHale's? Closed. Vynl? Ditto. We settled on the only place that looked decent and open (not in that order). This place be called Eatery. And Eatery be an f-in fantastic choice for semi-late at nite or whenever. It's sorta like Houston's, but without the really dark lighting. Grab yerself an Adobe Salad or the Mac and Jack. C'mon, when it comes to food, you can trust me!!!
Later that "day"... Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, and nowhere to be found was my friend Jed. Today was going to be hot and sweaty and filled with hipsters, so me and Curious George's mum needed some pre-Siren-Fest-nurshiment. We headed to the only place for unrelievable $3.50 cubano sandwiches that rock the fliz-house: El Malecon II. Everything there is so deli-scrumptious that Doc Oc himself, Alfred Molina, said in Time Out NY that he munches down there.
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Ended the noche with 12 showers and then proceeded to the Spin after party at 6's & 8's round 2 AM. Didn't run into Ultrahotttttie, but boozed it up to the sweet tunes the DJ was a spinnin' (esp Blur's "There's Now Other Way").
Sunday July 18
Bored myself to tears with my first visit to the American Museum of Natural History. Didn't really have a "whale" of a good time looking at fake animals and Native peoples. My interests lie in the unknown, not the known. Therefore my cup of tea was filled in the space shills hizarea. Donated my liver and testicles and I still couldn't afford the $17.50 (discounted) ticket to the Tom Hanks' narrated Passport to the Universe flick. Eventually donated my sperm and we were clear for take off. The seats vibrated and I learned that our galaxy is in something called the Virgo Super Cluster. If I ever got that far away from Earth, I'd be so cluster-f%#ked. Wrapped it up with a quick trek round the best American art museum, El Met, scarfed down some mad kill-ill-ah pizza at Big Nick's, passed out, then woke up for a nite of magical HBO.
Life hasn't been this grand since I was circumcised.
The Weak End That Was Neither Weak Nor Seemed To End Part I
What an f-in weak end it was folks. I hadn't walked, seen, ate, and done so much stizz in one weekend since Coachella-Hellz Yealla-So Much To Tella-Lets Spread On The Nutella!! And without further Freddy Adu, here wees go:
Friday July 16th
As I killed three hours in Times Square waiting for Curious George's mum to arrive I must have been approached by 76 people trying to sell me some comedy show tickets. I should make a tee saying "No, I DON'T like stand-up comedy, bizatch." Anywho, CG's mum's Chinatown buss took 6 friggin hours to get to NYC and I was bitting my finger nails and chain-smoking the entire time. You see, we had to get our a$$es to the Meadowlands to see the Prince do his thang. Luckily, when we got to the Continental Airlines Arena, the Purple One had yet to perform a note.
Over the next 2 and 1/2 + hours, I would not be taking in a concert, but a perfromance (same thang with Madonna, Simon & G-Funk, and Bjork concerts). Let me tell YOU folks, before you die, you should eat at all the places listed on this site AND see Prince at least once. Gawd does his Princeness be looking super mad fantastic. He ages as gracefully as Dick Clark. And whatever diet he's on, I want to be on too. He must of gone on this tour just so he could tell if the public still loved him. Answer: we do. He would constantly make gestures for applause, sort of like the whoring that Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne does, cept the Prince-dawg hactually deserves it. The guy has got to be one of the must talented musicians of all time. He's like Hendrix, James Brown, and Elvis all rolled into one. Sure Elvis was king, but he didn't write any songs or make purple look so good.
The show's stage was pretty basic, but ideal for an arena concert. It was a giant cross so not only could more people see him from all around, but he could sell more tickets to his show. I engoruage all rockstars to do the same thing. Everybody wins. Anywho, on to the music!!! Looking at other set lists from this tour, it appears that each show is pretty much the same from one to the next. It seemed like he played anything and everything... until later over the weekend, I listened to his CDs and realized he didn't really play everything. I was kinda bummed he didn't give us a lil "Delirous" love, but I live. The highlights were mainly in his acuostic set where he jammed "Little Red Corvette", "Cream", "Raspberry Beret" and "Alphabet Street." He closed that lil sesh with my personal fav "7" and used that as a perfect transition to bring his umcredible backing band back on stage. The only thing that was missing during "7" was a tamborine, which some dumpy chick 10 rows ahead of me glady brought with her to the show. Where was that tamborine during his cover of Beyonce's "Crazy In Love"? The only lowlights of the whole thang was when Prince would hold up his microphone in the air and let the audience fill in the blanks to the verses and choruses. We all know yer songs P-diddy, but I didn't really drop a C-note to hear someone else sing them. Methinks it was an attempt to stop bootleggers, as the Nurple One is quite protective over his works.
And to sum things up, Prince has "got the look", "I would die for" him, I went f-in "crazy", and "nothing compares 2" him. Nothing.
Friday July 16th
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Over the next 2 and 1/2 + hours, I would not be taking in a concert, but a perfromance (same thang with Madonna, Simon & G-Funk, and Bjork concerts). Let me tell YOU folks, before you die, you should eat at all the places listed on this site AND see Prince at least once. Gawd does his Princeness be looking super mad fantastic. He ages as gracefully as Dick Clark. And whatever diet he's on, I want to be on too. He must of gone on this tour just so he could tell if the public still loved him. Answer: we do. He would constantly make gestures for applause, sort of like the whoring that Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne does, cept the Prince-dawg hactually deserves it. The guy has got to be one of the must talented musicians of all time. He's like Hendrix, James Brown, and Elvis all rolled into one. Sure Elvis was king, but he didn't write any songs or make purple look so good.
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And to sum things up, Prince has "got the look", "I would die for" him, I went f-in "crazy", and "nothing compares 2" him. Nothing.
Sunday, July 18
HBO:
Home Box O'Rockin!!
Listen now rude boys, if you don't have HBO by now, it's time to stop buying that monthly porno and hunker down a whopping $12.95 a month before I come to yer MASH (mansion, apartment, shack, or house) and beat you down. And if you don't even have cable, it's time to denounce yer citizenship and head back to Mother Russia you communist swine. America was built on cable TV. Why do you think dem Pilgrims left England? 5 channels of snooker and woman's curling? Eggggzactly. Anywho, get HBO, NOW. Why o rye? Cause tonight's presentations of Six Feet Underful and the brand spankin' new Da Ali G Show were so phat, they were off the pH scale (not an acid, nor a base).
I have berry high eggspactations for this season's Da Ali G Show and the first episode did not let me down one megabyte. Classic Ali G (the ATF canine bit was umcredible). Classic Borat (Polaroids speak louder than words). And yes, even classic Bruno (wanted to give a gay converting pastor a lap dance). I hadn't laughed this much since the Calvin Coolidge administration.
And now for Six Feet Fumendercheese love. This show does not quit. Alan Ball is so on the ball that he's the Pele of TV. Tonight's ep was one of the best of the entire series. Period! Exclamation point. I won't get into sordid details about what happened, as I'd prefer you actually watch the replay sometime this week on HBO14MST (HB0-14-Mountain Standard Time), but it was one of the most terrifying and gut-wrenching episodes of not only Six Fleet, but of telly-vision in the last few years. If only The Sopranos were half as good as Feet Thunder in its 4th season. I think they were too busy arguing over a cannoli and doing the same things 32 times over. Anywho, bravo Alan Ball. May Hollywood just keep throwing money at you, cause yer one of the few who actually deserve it.
And here's yer sorta-weekly Rachel Griffiths Bitched @ Swirth (sorry, but she does sort of scare me like dem puppets from The Dark Crystal):
Isn't it about time you got HBO? And as an added bonus, you get some show called Entourage co-starring Kevin Dillon. Yes, Kevin Dillon.
I have berry high eggspactations for this season's Da Ali G Show and the first episode did not let me down one megabyte. Classic Ali G (the ATF canine bit was umcredible). Classic Borat (Polaroids speak louder than words). And yes, even classic Bruno (wanted to give a gay converting pastor a lap dance). I hadn't laughed this much since the Calvin Coolidge administration.
And now for Six Feet Fumendercheese love. This show does not quit. Alan Ball is so on the ball that he's the Pele of TV. Tonight's ep was one of the best of the entire series. Period! Exclamation point. I won't get into sordid details about what happened, as I'd prefer you actually watch the replay sometime this week on HBO14MST (HB0-14-Mountain Standard Time), but it was one of the most terrifying and gut-wrenching episodes of not only Six Fleet, but of telly-vision in the last few years. If only The Sopranos were half as good as Feet Thunder in its 4th season. I think they were too busy arguing over a cannoli and doing the same things 32 times over. Anywho, bravo Alan Ball. May Hollywood just keep throwing money at you, cause yer one of the few who actually deserve it.
And here's yer sorta-weekly Rachel Griffiths Bitched @ Swirth (sorry, but she does sort of scare me like dem puppets from The Dark Crystal):
Isn't it about time you got HBO? And as an added bonus, you get some show called Entourage co-starring Kevin Dillon. Yes, Kevin Dillon.
Friday, July 16
Jack-A$$ of All Trades
Master of None
Lettuce Give Her
A Hand... Job
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- Word on the street is that this guy loves to get intoxicated. And so does this sorta-NSFW cartoon (turn on sound). [Links via Zach de la Roachclip]
- Earlier this week, thanks to Levitticus, me and Ms Megbot checked out a taping of the The Graham Norton Effect. G Nort has got to be one of the funniest and cheekiest mother stickers in the entire world. His guests were Mac Culkin and RuPaul. I thought I Love the 90s was on VH1, not Comedy Central. Anwyho, he gave RuPee a very special deck of G W Bush cards that make a great gift for Labor Day.
- Remember ladies, never let yer b or g-friends take nudie pics of you as they may end up here. [NSFW Link via Tim 'Going Back to Cali' Fudgerino]
- I'm foaming at the mouth reading the deetz on Bjork's next masterthing Medulla, which drops on August 31st.
- Everything you ever wanted to know about Mulholland Dr, but we're too perplexed to axe.
- And speaking of enigmas, what's the deal with NJ and not being able to pump yer own gas?
- It's no Chuck-E-Cheese stizz, but these would also make great Labor Day gifts. [Link via Seltzer with an 'H']
- Hurry up NYseers cause this weekend be yo last chance to play the arcade versions of Frogger, Missile Command, Space Invaders, and me personal fav, Tron at the Museum of the Moving Image's BLIP collection.
- And here's yer melon-scratching headline for the day: Man Learns He's Dead, Thanks to Blind Ex-Wife
[Pic love via Navi]
Have a killah weak end peeps. I'm off to see the Purple One in NJ, but maybe we can all meat up at Nathan's or the batting cages during the Siren Fest. I'll be the one wearing a trucker hat and an ironic t-shirt. That's right folks, time 1nce again to break out yer Hipster Bingo cards.
Thursday, July 15
A Cinderella Story
Not Awful
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The first half of the "film" was more predictable than watching that kid on yer left falling onto the pavement for the 17th time. Think She's All That with less Prinze Jr. Plain Jane has a terrible life. Her dad died in an earthquake and is forced to be raised by her wicked step-mum (the ever cleavaged Jennifer Coolidge) and evil step-sistahs. She's even forced to work at a diner! Oh the horror!!! Plain J dreams of going to Princeton and meets a feller from her high school on-line who wants to do the same thing. Our Jane keeps texting and IMing this Mr Right, who
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Anywhoitz, this movie isn't great, it's not even good. Not even Paul Rodriguez's appearance as the diner's chef drums up any humor. And the best part of the movie was when the credits rolled to the tune of her and her sister's rendition of "Our Lips Are Sealed." But who cares? It was my first Duffmuncher flick and it was truly lust at first sight. I want to play with her hair using my toes. I want to rub ice cubes on her lips (the ones on her mouth silly) all day long. I want to spread JIF peanut butter all over her nose and lick it off with my tongue filled with jelly. I want to watch her get all wet gliding on a Slip 'n Slide until the cows cum home. Maybe I can help mend the fences that have been built between her and the Lohan's "retarded" feud.
Pee es - Now you can have the Fluffy Duffster call you or your friends!! [Link via Ultrahotttttie]
Say Hello To My
Not So Little Friends
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- Speaking of HRT (Her Royal Thighness), The Raider of Panties and pantries finally falls victim to her charms and aforementioned funbag friends. It's about friggadero time. After reading this site for months, you either go blind, become a priest, or pull down yer pants during screenings of Mean Girls. And for the record Seps, me and the Grambs run dot organizations, not jump each other's bones.
- I'm get hungry just reading about the Thinker's eggsploit-plantations in Hungary. Who knew they loved Weezie so dang much?
- Fun with Newbs, fishing, and photoshoppe.
- My girl Chelonia has a knack for Bitched @ Swirth too.
- What's scarier than Jaws 3-D? Your baby in 3-D.
- All the original membazzz of the Wu-Tang Clan are ready to re-form like Voltron. Does this include honoree clansman Bill Murray?
- Mommy likes to tear shit up on her Nash board. Does she rock out to EMF and sport Vision Street Wear too?
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- Bored? [Link via Tim The Fudger]
- Lois Lane 2004, do as Andre 3000 sez and "spread for me".
- Ask me if I care.
- Yes, it's true what they all are saying, Andy Dick's The Assistant is Hugo and it's BOSS!!! Maybe that whole idea about a 24-Hour reality tee-vee channel isn't such an awful idea aftertall.
- Phew, Absolute Handsome the elephant is cleared of dem pesky murder charges.
Wednesday, July 14
Summer Reading, PA
Jeo-Party
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- Field Day Festival on for July or August 2005? I'm sure it will get cancelled 10 minutes before the first band is set to go on and thus Andrew Dreskin will have a Failed Day 2 on his hands. And by the weigh, get rid of this ye olde stinkbag website... no one cares what yer next move is.
- It's a tough time to be named Michael. I should know (although my first name is really Thigh). The most heteroflexible name around is also the title of the most heteroflexible song since Air's "Sexy Boy". Damn you Franz Ferdeez-nuts!!! I don't want to ever hear this phrase coming out of another man's mouth, "Come all over me, Michael!"
- Bestest/stoopidistist political thing since the Howard Dean remix-eggsplosion: this. [Linka via Navi]
- OK, now forget about Carey and Busch. Let's get Ditka one step closer to the White Huis. [Link via My Man Marvkus]
- Nuewe Yorkers: Why pay to see M Night Shamalangadingdong's The Village when you can see it for free? Here's my guess on how the plot thickens: Unknown forces from forest scare people from Pennsylvania and eventually they have to confront them. The Pencil-vain-ens eventually figure out that the unknown forces have a phobia of rutabagas and run them out of town. And somewhere in there M Nigh Sha-dingdong has a 17 minute cameo.
- More free: The Sugar Hill Gang rocks the South Street Seaport Thursday at 6 pm. I hear they do a 43 minute version of "Rapper's Delight". [Heads up via The Biz vs the BJNewms]
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- Best flea market score evers!
- David Grohl bangs his gong for Nine Inch Nails. Is a Tupac collaboration far behind?
- Please die Clear Channel. Last VV article, I promise!
- Bad Idea Jeans: Fox's 24-hour reality channel AND Basic Instinct 2.
- "Peeping Tom" explained!
- And yer headline del dia: Man Jailed for Shooting Off His Testicles.
Tuesday, July 13
Britney in 20 Years?
Honey, I don't think yer gonna find a ton of dates with this photo. Plus what's the story with the kid in the background holding a lightsaber? [Pic love via Ceffie]
Freckle Juicy
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- The Thighs spies painted the town red last night in honor of newly discharged compadre DJ Cackensen at Meatpacking District's overblown trattoria Vento. The food was so unplentiful that it wouldn't even fill an anorexic. Speaking of, guess who was sitting right behind us, none other than Heather "please only wear roller skates" Graham and Molly Shannon "Yogurt". Heather looked slammin' in the red jump suit she was sporting and Molly Shannon had pasta.
- In news no one would care about but me and the inventor of Tetris: Russian duo Smash! not the male t.A.T.u.
- Did Trainspotting single handedly reestablish the British film industry, only later to destroy it? Who cares? It was worth hearing Begbie say, "That wee lassie got glassed, and no cunt leaves till I find out what cunt did it".
- The slowest episode of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire ever: Ken Jennings' current run on Jeopardy. Looks like he'll hit that million dollar mark on tonight's show. I bet Alex beats off to Ken behind that podium.
- Hope the latest Greecian power outage doesn't put a damper on the Badminton matches. And is it too late for me to join the Olympic torch relay in Crete? Hear the green fields and local crops are lovely this time of year.
- Sacha Baron Cohen, the genius behind the G of Ali, wants some respek as a serious actor, but Hollywood aint having it. They don't know what they're missing. SBC is the Gary Oldman of comedy. An f-in chameleon. Anywho, don't forget, new season begins this Sunday.
- Sonic Youth will be playing Webster Hall on Friday August 13. Tickets are available now from TicketWeb. Just use promotional code is "nurse". Tickets are $25 and go onsale to the general public Wednesday July 14 @ noon.
- Best news since Lindsay Lohan turned 18: McG OUT as director of new Superman flick. Word is Jake Darkogynehalllelal is out too. Just let Dick Donner direct and pick the best possible candidate for the man of abs of steel: Tom Welling, who Time Werespanko dubbed, "The greatest living actor."
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- Famous people's deaths are the latest rage like spatulas. Don't get left out in the cold peoples. Sign up at CelebrityDeathBeeper.com.
- If there was a biopic about Arnold Schwarzenegger, who would you cast? Was the name Jurgen Prochnow at the top of your list?
- Biggest dick move: Iranian Man Dodges Suicide Pact With Bride.
- Orioles' pimp daddy, Miguel Tejada hit a record 27 dingbats in last night's All-Star Home Run Derby contest. The boy is on my squad and I couldn't care less. Is it football season yet?
- Meet the next group of British kids who will be subjected to jailbait lust in years to come: the cast of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.
- Before he was the Franz Ferdifrontman, Alex Kapranos was the king of the Karelias. Well, someone thinks they can make a quick buck off of this and thus, their 1997 album, Divorce At High Noon, is going to be reissued. Hide your women and children Grambs.
- How bout this for a headline: Odor May Be Clue To Missing Airport Fish. Somebody call Tom Ridge and tell his a$$ to raise the terror level to Mountain Dew Code Red.
- And a friendly word of advice, never go into business with a guy named Jello or Biafra.
Monday, July 12
Bad Trend Gets Worser
More Peacing The F@#k Out
Sordid Tales From A 55-Hour Husband
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Is It Football Season Yet?
Sunday, July 11
CBS Throwing Mad Isms
Especially For Lindsay!!
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And for those of you keeping score at home, according to Wikipedia, 'blogosphere' was first coined by in '99 as a joke on this site (see Sept 10th entry) and later truly brought to life by Daily Pundit's chief pimp, William Quick, on a January 1st, 2002 posting.
Purple Nurple
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
More like, AnchorBoo: The Legend of Ron Broke-ness. Sure, the movie produced a handful of laughs (the "I'm in a glass case of emotion!" scene hespecially), but is that enuff to constitute a complete comedy? I laugh more at the Japanese animated porn I work with, which is unintentionally funny, than this sorry eggscuse for a Will Ferrell movie. Don't get me wrong, the man is a comic genius and all the Reese’s pieces were there for success, but the script was unacceptable and was completely misemployed on WF and the rest of the talented supporting cast (Fred Willard, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell). Even the cameos were wretched. Spoiler a-lert!!! You'd think that guest appearances by Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Jack Black, and even an afroed Tim Robbins would be masterstrokes of brilliance, but all of dem talents were wasted too!! And let’s get one thing straight here peoples: I don't care how much you love him, but Vince Vaughn is not only a bad actor, but he's not even an actor. Sure, playing Norman Bates was a stretch, but he plays the same guy in every movie: himself. He's just dying to say, "So money baby," every friggiadero second. Basically A:TLORB is just as good as Starsky & Hutch (yet another Vince Vaughn movie), which is mos def not a good thing. Sorry folks, but this is a Slit Your Eyes Out Moovie. Go see a flick that actually contains genuine laughs, like Napoleon Dynamite or even this next one...
Secret Window
Wurst Johnny Depp movie. Wurst movie adapted from a Stephen King novel. And the wurst movie adapted from a Stephen King novel starring Timothy Hutton. Yessir, even wurst than The Dark Half. A great movie if you need to torture someone.
Purple Rain
I'll admit it, I never saw the whole movie as a youngin, juss bitz and Reese's pieces of it. Maybe cause it was Rated R or the fact that I was too scared of everything at the time, including drummer Bobby Z with that pencil-thin mustache (sorry, could not even find one picture, but here are a couple o links of former Revolutionaries: Dr Matt Fink and Dez Dickerson). But I had to see it as I'm going to the Purple One's concert this Friday in NJ of all places. Now whenever someone sees an 80s' movie years after it was released, it's never going to be as good as people make it out to be. Eggzample: if you peeped Top Gun for the 1st time tomorrow, you'd think it was more awfulerest than League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Purple Rain as an album is unrelievable, but as a movie, it really wasn't that intriguing... besides the bit where Apollonia takes her top off and jumps into a frigid Lake Minnetonka. I was hoping for another Pink Floyd's The Wall or The Who's Tommy, but it was more like Spiceworld, without Alan Cumming of course. But in the end, who really cares? The acting sux, but the music rocks, so does the guitar Apollonia buys for Prince, and so does Morris Day's mustache and crazy dancing skillz. Did I mention Apollonia's fun bags?
Veronica Guerin
I can't bee leave it, Joel "Suck-maker" Schumacher not only made one umcredible biopic, but probably the best movie of his entire career. OK, maybe that's not such a grand statement, since his best movie is The Lost Boys and his worst list would require 15 pages of blogging, but this is one powerful f-in movie. Cate Blanchett plays VG, the real-life Irish journalist who aimed to bring down a group of drug dealers no matter what. Along the way the drug dealers try intimidate her by beating and shooting her, but she won't quit til justice has been served. I won't reveal much more, but this is a Muss C people Netflixer folks!! See it NOW!
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Secret Window
Wurst Johnny Depp movie. Wurst movie adapted from a Stephen King novel. And the wurst movie adapted from a Stephen King novel starring Timothy Hutton. Yessir, even wurst than The Dark Half. A great movie if you need to torture someone.
Purple Rain
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Veronica Guerin
I can't bee leave it, Joel "Suck-maker" Schumacher not only made one umcredible biopic, but probably the best movie of his entire career. OK, maybe that's not such a grand statement, since his best movie is The Lost Boys and his worst list would require 15 pages of blogging, but this is one powerful f-in movie. Cate Blanchett plays VG, the real-life Irish journalist who aimed to bring down a group of drug dealers no matter what. Along the way the drug dealers try intimidate her by beating and shooting her, but she won't quit til justice has been served. I won't reveal much more, but this is a Muss C people Netflixer folks!! See it NOW!
For Those LL's
About To Rock...
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- Is this the unofficial sequel to the Tron guy with the male camel toe? [Link via the girl who's name meanith "brownish-yellow"]
- Kerry/Edwards? [Link via Navi]
- I Gave My Cat an Enema. [Link via Cef-niddle-naddle]
- I swear, I'm not the sicko behind this website: LindsayLohanSexTape.com. But they did have a link to this fun NSFW thang where boobies move.
- Who do I have to sleep with in order to get Madness to tour America?
- My Man Marvkus has found my future wife (and no, its not the Lohan). Call me forever smitten.
- And finally, if you haven't already done so, I beg you to watch Ali G's speech at Harvard's graduation (starting at 01:27:34). It's more entertaining than most of NBC's programming for the last 5 years.
Saturday, July 10
Peace The F@#k Out
The Next Citizen Kane
Friday, July 9
Lohan Getting Out Of Hand
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Thursday, July 8
Thighs Like Us
- Don't forget folks, what is sure to be the worst movie with the word 'sleep' in its title opens tomorrow!! And here's one commercial you won't find me in!!
- The lesbians duo formerly known as t.A.T.u. are off to London to record their next hot album. Meanwhile, 6-month pregnant Julia Volkova has quit smoking and using cosmetics for the sake of her baby's health.
- I think someone's been reading my mind cause these peoples be selling a mirror that will allow meself to watch meself giving meself a BJ!! [NSFW link via NSFW King, T "Fudgie" Alts]
- Our Thighs spies on the street spotted the Lohan at the Cali DMV the other day getting a new license. Supposedly, she had a personal assistant with her there trying to help her understand how to stand in line and be a normal person at the DMV. [Smut via Cef-dawg]
- Steve Gutenberg, your career aint over just yet. Plans are underway for an 8th Police Academy movie. Rest in peace Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry. [Good word via K-Pax-Man]
- What the Tim "Fudgie" Altie is this?
- Two plays I predict that will close after a week: a Monty Python Holy Grail musical and a Mario Cantone one-man show.
- Don't let Michael Whoore tell you who to vote for. Just vote for the candidate who'd be the most helpful during a keg stand. [Link via the Thinker]
- Va-va-voom has officially become a word. That's so f-in metrosexual, but not really heteroflexible.
- Breast/wurst reality show idea ever: Amish & The City.
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- Just cause Ving Rhames is bald, doesn't mean he's Kojak. Does that mean he'll be in an "urban" remake of Annie as Daddy Warbucks?
- In the world of fast food, its Steak n' Shake vs Burger King for the use of the word "steakburger", in a cage match to the death!! And a man was arrested after calling up an area McDougal's and ordering the management to strip search and sodomize a female employee!! Hold the f-in tomato people!!! [Links via Flea's Ho-Bag]
- Man arrested after he stole a 9-year-old's socks.
- And the best headline of the day: A blind Canadian student barred from English classes because his guide dog only responds to commands in French has now been allowed to attend the course
Hair Bears
Wees got a sneak preview at the monstrously long documentary about the #1 hair band in the world, Metallica: Some Kind of Monster. As my theory goes, no documentary is truly awful, and this one, about a band I could care less about, is certainly not awful. Mos def worth a peep. Here's what I learned:
- Apparently this flick isn't too much of a draw as the theater was maybe 2/3 full. A rarity for a screening. I also won a t-shirt that looked like it had an abortion on the front of it. I later used it as a diaper.
- It took Metallica over 700 days and many clams to record their latest, St Anger. It took los White Stripes 10 days and cost less than 10 K to produce their master-thing Elephant. You tell me, what's the better investment?
- Lars Ulrich probably has one of the worst collections of art I've ever seen.
- I could never be in a band cause my ego would leggo everyone else's eggo.
- New bassist Robert Trujillo's name and face sorta looks like super-character actor Danny Trejo's.
- Children playing drums is always funny.
- Kirk Hammett has two m's and two t's in his last name. He also doesn't take a side and isn't too articulate. His hair is a giant mess too.
- Their producer, Bob Rock, wishes he was in the band. He also looks like a cross between Jackie The Joke Man Martling and Nick Nolte.
- Dave Mustaine is alive and sort of not well. He's still bitter about being kicked out of Metallica and probably bitter than he has orange pubes.
- James Hetfield's new look, is much more rockin than his old one.
- They hired the rapist, I mean a therapist to help with their issues. He was nebbish and wore Bill Cosby-esque sweaters. And by the end of the album's recording, he wanted to be in the band too.
- Lars' papa, Torben Ulrich looks like a one of the dudes in ZZ Top if he was left in a dryer too long.
- This doc needs about 45 minutes cut out of it. I felt longer than Hoop Dreams (170 minutes).
- When a fire alarm is flashing during your movie, you should probably leave the theater. None of us did, as the doc was almost over, but when we left, there were a plethora of firemen and the smell of smoke.
- Someone please make a G 'n' R doc. And get them to reunite already. Nickel PLEASE!!!
- Apparently this flick isn't too much of a draw as the theater was maybe 2/3 full. A rarity for a screening. I also won a t-shirt that looked like it had an abortion on the front of it. I later used it as a diaper.
- It took Metallica over 700 days and many clams to record their latest, St Anger. It took los White Stripes 10 days and cost less than 10 K to produce their master-thing Elephant. You tell me, what's the better investment?
- Lars Ulrich probably has one of the worst collections of art I've ever seen.
- I could never be in a band cause my ego would leggo everyone else's eggo.
- New bassist Robert Trujillo's name and face sorta looks like super-character actor Danny Trejo's.
- Children playing drums is always funny.
- Kirk Hammett has two m's and two t's in his last name. He also doesn't take a side and isn't too articulate. His hair is a giant mess too.
- Their producer, Bob Rock, wishes he was in the band. He also looks like a cross between Jackie The Joke Man Martling and Nick Nolte.
- Dave Mustaine is alive and sort of not well. He's still bitter about being kicked out of Metallica and probably bitter than he has orange pubes.
- James Hetfield's new look, is much more rockin than his old one.
- They hired the rapist, I mean a therapist to help with their issues. He was nebbish and wore Bill Cosby-esque sweaters. And by the end of the album's recording, he wanted to be in the band too.
- Lars' papa, Torben Ulrich looks like a one of the dudes in ZZ Top if he was left in a dryer too long.
- This doc needs about 45 minutes cut out of it. I felt longer than Hoop Dreams (170 minutes).
- When a fire alarm is flashing during your movie, you should probably leave the theater. None of us did, as the doc was almost over, but when we left, there were a plethora of firemen and the smell of smoke.
- Someone please make a G 'n' R doc. And get them to reunite already. Nickel PLEASE!!!
Adolf Oliver Clothesoff
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- Tupac Shukar has had more resurrections than the Jewish community of DC has had circumcisions. Next up for the Pac, a brand new album w/Eminenememnemnen on board.
- John Malkovich has signed on to play master painter Gustav Klimt in a new flick. I also think he'd be perfect for the lead in the penis eating cannibal project currently in development.
- Paris Hilton moments of the week: pouring boiled crawfish into two purses and whoring up a poor unsuspecting 13 year old Cajun girl.
- Meet Tony Kornheiser's TV wife.
- Slow day at Billboard.com, eh? Look at this berry similar headlineszez: New Weezer Album Moving Slowly AND Strokes Moving Along On New Material. I'm sir prized we didn't see Kerry Moving Fast & Furious On Gephardt For VP Album!
- Look at fried-egg teets turn into magical bouncing melons. [NSFW link from NSFW king, Tim "Fudger" Altie]
- Phish's farewell show has sold out. Hopefully this will be the last time we humans ever have to smell patchouli.
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- Hungarian children love bin Laden, Saddam, and even Stalin more than they love George W Bush. Hopefully we can get a live report on this from The Thinker sometime soon as he's there right now, but rumor has it, he was traded for 6 rugs and 3 camels.
- Two horrible games. Both slightly entertaining. One offensive. One just plain stoopid. [Links via Zach de la Roachclip and My Man Marvkus]
- Best blog with a Hebraic name: Shalom One Time.
- In con-clue-shun, I don't ask for donations, but if you really wanted to be a doll, buy me a bottle of Moxie Cherry Cola, RC Cola, and Leninade, the drink for the masses! Gawd bless you Soda King. And m'yes, gawd bless you too Fake Dr Pepper site.
Wednesday, July 7
Attack of The Female Drivers
Last week, some Hawaiian woman gave new meaning to the term car pool
And this past weekend, some old Massivetwoshits geezer lady found a great parking spot for her Ford Taurus... on top of someone's roof!!
And this past weekend, some old Massivetwoshits geezer lady found a great parking spot for her Ford Taurus... on top of someone's roof!!
Almost Shameless
Q: What's the hottiest commercial on TV right now?
A: The Napoleon Dynamite one featuring your Master o Thighs and his humble opinion of the movie (complete with signature monotone voice).
And here's the backstory for you late bloomerz.
Btw- I'm too lazy, so Box Office Bidness will return next week!
A: The Napoleon Dynamite one featuring your Master o Thighs and his humble opinion of the movie (complete with signature monotone voice).
And here's the backstory for you late bloomerz.
Btw- I'm too lazy, so Box Office Bidness will return next week!
Keys To The Cit-tay
The Thigh Daddy and two babelicious Akronites (Megbot & Ba-Ba Zakades) peeped fellow Akronites the Black Keys' short, but sweet and low performance at the World Financial Center last night. Sure, all their songs sound alike, but hey, that sound rocks more than all the rubber in Akron.
Tuesday, July 6
Donna Martin Consummates
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- This is where the world's finest vaginas go.
- Is this guy the Lenny Bruce of Winnebagos? [Link via Posh & Beckser]
- May be old news, but it was just brought to my attention that picking your nose and eating it may make you healthier. With this and french fries being considered a fresh veggie, its only a matter of months before Norman Chad's Tour de Couch becomes a reality. [Link via Senor Gombergos]
- Who knew that David Koresh was such bad-a$$? [Link via RayKwan the Chef vs Meth vs Chef Boyardee]
- Jacky White dropped by TheWhiteStripes.net for a lil Q & A. Word is that they may head back into the studio this summer, he's never gonna repair his mangled hand, there'll be a CD release of all their B-sides, Fritz Lang rocks, the jihad on the documentarian is still in effect, Peru may be in the cards, and
- Related to Genghis Khan? Then you can get yerself some free eats!! And if yer related to Chaka Khan, you can get, er, um, uh, ah, nothing!
- Fish can be so heteroflexible sometimes.
- Go ahead, Rate My Implants. [NSFW Link via Tim "Fudger" Altie]
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- Fattyboy Slim Jim's Palookaville drops Doc October 5th. I already know the collaboration with Damon Albarn is going to be more money than The Money Train.
- Fellow Jew Yorkers, enter to win passes to The Bourne Supremacy or some movie that might as well be called JuJu Bees.
- Finally, what's going to be the worst date movie since my friend Joel took a gal to see Kevin Bacon molest kids in Sleepers? This one.
Thighs At The Moovies
Spider-Man 2
Ebert called it the best of its genre since 78's Superman. I wouldn't disagree with that statement, since most of the other super hero flicks have been udder sh#t (However, could Leonard Part 6 be considered a super hero movie?). Everything in this second installment has been doubled. Double the cheezy, yet effective effects, double the Peter Parker dorkishnessness, and double the amount of Kirsten Dunst. They even were smart enuff to include a scene where she gets soaking wet again. Lest we forget about her bouncing boob scene too [Bless you f.u.b.a.r.]! Willem Dafoe's baddie shoes are hard to fill, but my man Alfred Molina ("Throw me the idol and I'll throw you the whip") comes thru with flying tentacles. Doc Oc ROX the blox! Although his character deserved more screentime (as long as it doesn't cut into Dunst's o course). I won't get into plot details, but it's basically the story of Seabiscuit's jockey coming to terms with leading a duel life. C'mon Tobes, I don't care what buildings/people are on fire, if Kirsten Dunst wants to hump your leg for most of the movie, you throw away that panzy-a$$ suit of yers and let her have her way with you. We'd understand!! The time flew and before I knew it, the Dashboard Confessional theme song was playing. Me was like, dang, #3 is going to off the meat and coat rack!! If only it includes 3 hours of Kirsten Dunst's rack. It's Muss C peeps... duhvs!
The Decalogue: Disc 1: Films I - III
Word around the artsy fartsy film community is that director Krzysztof Kieslowski's 10 part Polish TV mini-series about the Ten Commandments, The Decalogue, is all that and a bag of UTZ' Carolina BBQ chips. Well, guess what, it's even more boring than it sounds. I don't even want to bother sleeping thru IV-X. If you want to see pieces by the master, czech out his Trois Couleurs trilogy or the G Ribisi/C Blanchett-a-thon, Heaven, which is basically his A.I... No, not a sci-fi robot thang, but an unfinished movie, completed by another fantab director: Run Lola Run's helmster, Tom Tykwer.
Stark Trek IV: The Voyage Home
OK, this movie is older than the crust in my Calvin's, but its mos def worth a second look. Seriously. It is by far the funniest Leonard Limoy movie ever. The Spockmiester even directed it too!! I mean, who could forget such classic lines as "Well, a double dumb ass on you!", "I think he did a little too much LDS.", and Scotty's conversation with a 20th century IBM, "Computer. Computer? Hello, computer."? I was also quite captivated by Whaleologist Catherine Hicks, who was bra-less for the entire movie. I guess the producers of 7th Heaven didn't see this before picking their matriarch.
The Right Stuff
How'd our space program ever get off the ground with Harry Shearer & Jeff Goldblum as the NAStronaut recruiters?
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The Decalogue: Disc 1: Films I - III
Word around the artsy fartsy film community is that director Krzysztof Kieslowski's 10 part Polish TV mini-series about the Ten Commandments, The Decalogue, is all that and a bag of UTZ' Carolina BBQ chips. Well, guess what, it's even more boring than it sounds. I don't even want to bother sleeping thru IV-X. If you want to see pieces by the master, czech out his Trois Couleurs trilogy or the G Ribisi/C Blanchett-a-thon, Heaven, which is basically his A.I... No, not a sci-fi robot thang, but an unfinished movie, completed by another fantab director: Run Lola Run's helmster, Tom Tykwer.
Stark Trek IV: The Voyage Home
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The Right Stuff
How'd our space program ever get off the ground with Harry Shearer & Jeff Goldblum as the NAStronaut recruiters?
Monday, July 5
Gross National Products
Who defended his Mustard Belt at the annual
Nathan's of Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest!!
A whiles back wees told you about Ali G's umcredible commencement speech at Harvard. David wells, you can now peep the whole dang thang. This is quite possibly, the greatest speech since the Gettysburg Address. Without further Freddy Adu, here's Ali G's Ghettosburg Address (FFwd to 01:27:34, unless you want to be bored for 90 minutes).
And how bout some love for Ali G's Kazakhstani cohort, Borat Sagdiyev. Remember this following classic exchange at the rodeo:
Borat - I once carry a woman against her will for near one mile.
Southern Man - You did? [to 2nd Southern Man] He carried a woman against her will for one mile!
2nd Southern Man - Oh really?!
Southern Man - Why'd you do that?
Borat - To show her my home
Southern Man - OK. She liked itwhen she got there?
Borat - Yees. She my wife now.
Well, Borat will be happy to learn that there's a Wife Carrying World Championship held every year in Sonkajarvi, Finland.
And just for good ole thyme shiz and kibbles, here's Drobnjak Manjaks' interactive website. This is about the best thing that the NBA has to offer.
[Major link love via Joe E Tartar and The Hof of the Nads]
Double Fantasy
Since Six Feet Yonder was a repeat this past weak-end, I'll give Rachel Griffiths the week off from comparisons to Muppets. However, here are some other canny-dates for...
Bitched @ Swirth
Via the Raider of Panties and Pantries
&
Always bet on black
Always buy our ketchup
Via the Raider of Panties and Pantries
&
Always bet on black
Always buy our ketchup
Life, Liberty, & The Pursuit Of Stuffing Our Faces
Sunday, July 4
Let Freedom Bling-Bling
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- Lohan will join the ranks of Avril Lavigne, Wilson Phillips, and Kelly Clarkson by contributing a song to The Princess Diarrheas 2: Royal Engagement soundtrack. When the Lohan eventually goes on tour, she should pull a Beck and ask the Flaming Lips to be her backing band. Can you imagine? I do, every single noche when I hit the sac, before hitting the sack.
- Who looks like Gideon Yago and designs pouches for Burger King? Why The House of Ugoff of course!!
- Boo to the US Mint.
- Woman turns into Coke machine. [Link via Zach de la Roachclip]
- NYC's ready to build an ugly building to replace two ugly buildings. Hey, how bout building a 2nd Ave line. I think that's a lil bit more important.
- At a concert in Naw Orleans, Prince was joined by old friends Sheila E, Chaka Khan, Morris Day and The Time, and many others to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Purple Rain. I guess we'll have to wait until 2010 for a Graffiti Bridge 20th year reunion. Somewhere, Tevin Campbell is praying daily for such an event.
- Coach K, for the love of gawd, take the money and run!! Please leave the f-in Dukies program, so they can suck my donkey's donkey balls for years to come, and let the Terps reign like Queen Victoria.
- And finally, merry 4th of Jewly everyone. Down with the red coats and up with plenty of free parking and 96 oz Big Gulps. However, I think we should all move to der Netherlands cause the gov-mint just supported a plan to improve the "quality" of their brothels. I knew we should have kept the name New Amsterdam. F-in lads. So ladbrokes.
Witness The Fitness
We all have goals in life. Some of us want to be rich, other famous, some just want to receive hand jobs all day long, but me, I just want to post a 300 game in bowling... and receive hand jobs all day long. I'm more likely to date the Lohan than complete that feat. But whilst I was back in me ye olde stomping grounds (MoCo, Merryland), with fellow Lebowski Fest Achievers Joe E Tartar and RayKwan the Chef vs. Meth (The Hof of the Nads was absent), and the rest of the Poon-Tang Clan, My Man Marvkus, Guns 'n' Rosenthal, and Big Ben-haus in tow, I bowled the game of my f-in life. 231. I marked in 8 frames, and at one point, had 6 strikes in a row. A double turkey. So Gobble Gizzle. And I probably will never get higher than that. Unless I'm back in Amsterdam drooling all over myself and their special pancakes. Anywho, here's the proof.
I knew I didn't get an A+
in bowling at IU for nuttin
Pee es - RayKwan the Chef finished up with a 200 in the same game. Peanuts to my 231 though. I'm turning pro.
Pee es 2 - Here's a video clip of the TV screen after hitting me 5th strike in a row. Notice "Love Shack" playing in the background.
I knew I didn't get an A+
in bowling at IU for nuttin
Pee es - RayKwan the Chef finished up with a 200 in the same game. Peanuts to my 231 though. I'm turning pro.
Pee es 2 - Here's a video clip of the TV screen after hitting me 5th strike in a row. Notice "Love Shack" playing in the background.
Eating Is Fundamental
I'm sorry if you went blind after seeing this image
Saturday, July 3
Friday, July 2
A Cake Walk
Lindsay, me and the guys over at work love you so dang much, we boughts you this cake!!
You Say It's Yer Birthday?
The day hath finally come
And now we can all come in peace
Gawd bless Michael Lohan's super jizzle!
And gawd bless 18-year-old-buxom-freckled-red-head-superstar-tween-queens!!!
Dot Whorg
OK folks. I f-in did it. Thighs Wide Shut has a new home: ThighsWideShut.org. I wanted the .com, but as we all know, some bastage cyber-shitter beat me to it. So everyone, please edit yer linkages/bookmarks/tattoos to reflect this change as the blogspot url will never get updated after this post. Enjoy!
Thursday, July 1
The Streets Are Alive
With The Sound Of Music
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+ Dizzee Rascal
Irving Plaza
Hip-hop is dying of unorigniality. Jay-Z is jamming with Phish and his Black Album has been mashed-up with everything short of Soul Asylum's Grave Dancer's Union. But there's a truly unique voice coming straight outta the UK, who's breathing some new life into this fading genre. And that voice belongs to nun udder than Mike Skinner of The Streets. The dude basically talks about eating KFC and "birds, not bitches" over some of the illest na-na beats you ever did hear. Sorta like a cross between a stoned Henry Rollins and a less jaxxy Basement Jaxx. Now Mr Skinner's music isn't eggzactly for everyone, but then again, neither is munching on grundle-reeking foie gras.
Me and the Newbs were royally treated to a non-stop throw ya fingaz in the air-a-thon. As we both remarked, probably one of the most unrelievable hip-hop shows wees ever did peep. Mikey Skins brought along a bassist, a DJ, a drummer, and his umcredible backing vocalist, and it truly made all the difference. Every song they pounded out sounded even better than they do on the records... which is usually quite the opposite for live hip-hop shows. There were no "rhubarb and custard verses" to be found at last night's sha-blam-a-zam-zam. Highlights included the weepy "Dry Your Eyes", rolling "Fit But You Don't Know It", intense "Turn The Page", and o course, the bouncy "Lets Push Things Forward." How apt a song for a guy who's eggzactly doing that. Hip-hop has 99 problems, but The Streets aint one.
