Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Thursday, November 19

Au Bon Spain

Los Abrazos Rotos
(Broken Embraces)

Embrace THIS!
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Do we really even need to bother reviewing Pedro Almodóvar's latest flick? If yer fan of his, yous knows you gonna see it anywayz, and if you aren't a fan, then you got mo problems than Mo Vaughn trying to mow down the competition, but who keeps getting distracted by Mo-rganna, the Kissing Bandit. Seriously, if the name Almodóvar doesn't ring a bell, then we're gonna ring your bells, with bells on!!!!!!!! Look, we don't mean to be so harsh about all this, but cinema lovers everywhere should count their lucky stars and lucky charms that we gotz a guy like Almodóvar doing his thing during our lifetime, and we juss wanna make the point that you should make a point about seeing his forkin films, OR ELSE. In the decades to come, his complete oeuvre could possibly do the impossibly, and be considered comparable to the incomparable Alfred Hitchcock (eat it DePalma)!!!

Now that that that that's outta the way, tis time to get down to the nitty gritty band and let you know how Los Abrazos Rotos (Broken Embraces) stacks up like Robert Stack finding a needle in a haystack. Quite well hactually, but lettuce not be all loco and say sumtang silly like it's A'modó at his absolute best. It's more like A'modó at his absolute purty effin darn franztastic usual delighftulnessness and nine-tenths. And when compared to what else is currently making the rounds, it's not very hard to admit that it's one of the better films we've seen this fall, and one of the bestest foreign films of the year (out of the like 4 we've seen, with Il Divo being the illest of em all!)

So what about these embraces are be so brokens? Penélope Cruz (back at home in her native tongue and in the hands of her master and commander, Almodóvar, having dueted previously on Volver, All About Mi Madre & Live Flesh) gotz mens problems and them mens have problems with each other cause they both want in her pants. That's what happens when you're muy muy bonita and even gay men love you even though you sorta look like Big Bird. One of dem mens is a film director (Lluís Homar), who wants to turn her into a star, and the other is her sugar daddy, turned that director's film producer (José Luis Gómez), who wants to lock away his prized possession like she was a rare piece of art, esp since she's a rare piece of a$$. It's a battle of the bulges, and things will get ugly before they gets pretty! Oh love, how you convolute things so! But that's not it!! Throw in a doting assistant to the director (Blanca Portillo, also seen in Volver), her helpful son (Tamar Novas), some spying, some blindness, some blind sex, a queer annoying brat (Rubén Ochandiano), Magritte hat tips (see below), hat tips to Almodóvar's own films, seascapes, seas sounds, seashells, oh what the sea-hell more do you need to know? They says if it aint broken, don't fix it, but wees says if it is Broken, goes seees it!!!

Holy Sheets!!!!:

any questions?

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Rotos opens in NY this Friday, LA on 12/11 and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...