Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Thursday, May 14

Totally Hades

Uppercuts & Downercuts
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

A Mike Tyson documentary that doesn't bother to mention his 8-bit/5th-best NES classic Punch-Out!! (or Michael Scott's prank phone calls for that splatter) is an automatic failure. James Toback's Tyson doesn't go there, but if we can get over that faulty fact, then you'll probably be able to too, cause this profile straight from the horse's mouth of the Last Lord of The Ring is the funniestest and moist touchingestest movie we've seen since Gran Torino. What can we say, we love a man of words, even if their racist (Eastwood's Asian barbs are still boning are funny) or malapropped 8 days a week (Tyson twice made playful use of the word 'skulduggery'... btw, bestest Tyson quote of balls thyme: 'I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian'). If yer looking for an in-depth look back at his life and career, you may want to look elsewhere, cause this doc aint about depth of facts, but of feelings, and you'll be feeling his pain, from the punches in the ring, to the ones that came from outside of it. Regardless of what you think of him going in, you'll feel sympathy for this devil coming out, and maybe, juss maybe, you'll let him eat your children

They Got Game: play Nintendo/Tyson's Punch-Out on-line + Sega's James 'Buster' Douglas Knockout Boxing (which sold about as many copies as minutes of fame he had) too!!

Verdictgo: sure, it runs a lil long, even at 90 minutes, but this shiz is totes pelling-com, so low end Breast In Show, but Breast In Show lessthenone

The Informers
Walking On Empty
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Bret Easton Ellis is ell a gifted and talented writer. The movies made from his books haven't been so gifted, even if they've been loaded with talented people (we don't care what you say, American Psycho the movie SUCKED when compared to American Psycho the book, which has gotz to be one of the greatestest American novels ever written, so eat it Faulkner!). His loosely connected short storied Informers (another book we hactually read) unfortunately continues this trend, leaving the likes of Billy Bob Thornton, Mickey Rourke, Winona Ryder, Lou Taylor Pucci, Rhys Ifans, hot newcomer Jon Foster, and the ageless Chris Isaak, with not much to do, cept sit around and look beautiful and bored, as their shallow and vapid characters are unseamlessly being tied together. You'll probably be more bored than they are (although we weren't bored by perky cutie Cameron Goodman). We knew it wasn't working as we were watching it, yet it did kinda sorta stick with us after we left the theater (doesn't 12 minutes afterwards count for something). You can skip it (along with its poster, which has gots to be worstest poster of the year), and instead watch the hammazin unrated trailer again and again, and pretend, like us, that the movie rocks the cashbar. It's really sad that Brad Renfro's final performance ever will best be known as that movie where Amber Heard's NSFW scenes are better seen than anything else seen or heard from within

Keeping You Well Informed: never 5get the best/wurstness that is Snow's 'Informer' [d|vid] + the Jim Carrey parody, which isn't as thighlarious

Verdictgo: Very Little Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Tyson & The Informers are both currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...