Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Thursday, October 30

Thumbs Downing His Knows

Do the math: If one week you state, "Mr. Untouchable makes American Gangster look like a fairy tale," and the next week you say, American Gangster was Goodfellas for "the next generation," then you must conclude that Mr. Untouchable is better than Goodfellas.

Beware of verbal parallelism: Never make a statement such as, "I like women in real life, but I didn't like The Women." Readers may write you sharing that they loved JFK, but they fly out of O'Hare.

Accept no favors: For example, if some "friends" throw you a birthday party at a Vegas joint they hope to fill with movie stars who are your "friends," say thanks, but no thanks. That crosses the line, even if the "Britney Spears of Korea" truly is your close personal friend. Your only real friends come to the party you throw for yourself in the activities room of your condo building, and they bring their own booze. [Note: If the Britney Spears of Korea is the real thing, Britney Spears should be known in Korea as the BoA Kwan of America.]

No posing for photos!: Never ask a movie star to pose with you for a picture. No movie star ever wants to do this. They may smile, but they're gritting their teeth. "It is the Chinese Water Torture," Clint Eastwood told me. Remember, you are a professional. You are not a friend. You diminish yourself by asking for a snapshot.

above are excerpts from Roger Ebert's Journal: Roger's Little Rule Book, which is basically an open letter ripping 'critic' Ben Lyons a new arsehole, without ever mentioning his nepotismtastic name. Somebody please stop Ben Lyons, whose been dubbed 'the Sarah Palin of film criticism'. Hopefully Lord Ebert won't blind item attack us one day, but then again, he didn't say anything against using a lot of puns or posting NSFW material in movie reviews