Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Thursday, May 22

It's Not The Years,
Honey, It's The Mileage

Indiana Jones and the
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Whip It Good!
Trailers & Mo

We were 3 1/2 years old when Raiders of the Lost Ark redefined what an action-adventure movie is, 6ish when our babysitter took us to see and vomit at the food and bugs of Temple of Doom, and at the ripe (and right) olde age of 11teen we bid a mos fond farewell to Dr Jones and his proud poppa (+ Sallah and Marcus Brody, who once got lost in his own museum) as they rode off into the glorious sunset that was The Last Crusade. So what is a grown up at 30earlysomething to make of a fourth adventure that was released way too long after the last one? Going in we didn't expect perfection, and coming out, we now know that perfection is not what #4 hands in. And in all honesty, how could it?

Lettuce not even bother comparing the new one to the original trilogy (we need to see it at least 38912548 more times before doing such a thing), especially since those took place in the Naziriffic mid to late 30s and Skull exists in an entirely different era of post-atomic red menace. Speaking of menaces, at least Lucas and Spielberg had the right idea to go forward in time, and not back, which was a main reason the Star Wars prequels blew burrito chunks. We mean, where's the fun in digging up a past that we already know the outcome of (Anakin Skywalker turns evil??!!? WHO WUDDA THUNK!)? Rest assure kiddes, cause Indy 4 delivers enuff of the goods to tickle yer fancies, and does indeed make up for those 3 Jar Jar stink bombs. Our screening pal Time Werespanko summed it up to a teet: Indy 4 was great cause it was like catching up with a set of dear old friends

About 20 minutes into Skull, you'll give up questioning whether this is indeed an authentic Indy flick or not, cause at that point, the familiar look, sound and feel are all present and accounted for. Outside of Dr J and his long lost love Marion Ravenwood (the always radiant Karen Allen), all the other peeps are brand spanking new. LaBeouf-cake, as a greaser teen, and Blanchett, as the Soviet comradinatrix, are welcome additions to the long line of fab Indy characters, while Ray Winstone, John Hurt and Jim Broadbent will ultimately end up to be as memorable as Wu Han (wu who?). So what about the story? You won't find any details or spoilers here folks (although it did remind us of the very first five episodes of DuckTales, culminating with the classic 'Too Much Of A Gold Thing' [watch]), but we will admit that this may not have been Indy's mos memorable adventure to date. Nonetheless, the pacing is solid, as this thang zips right along juss like the first 3 joints did

We could go on and on and on til the break of dawn (real qwikly though, we loved the Paramount logo, the Marcus Brody Love and the rumble in the jungle, and the only shiz we coulda done without were the digital ILM animals), but we know yer gonna see it anywayz (unless yer a giant loser or are a Nazi). Like we said before, it's certainly not perfect, but it's still Indiana Mothersticking Jones and it won't disappoint (or it will if yer anticipating the second coming of Raiders). Hell, put that fedora, leather jacket and whip onto Harrison Ford's person and we'd still line up to see him each and every time, even if his next adventure involves 2 hours at the proctologist. We smell a fifth Indy, and a finger that smells like poop!

Poster Haste: Drew Struzan may not be a household name, but he mos def should be. He's the fellow who's designed some of the greatest movie posters of our modern times, including, but not limited to, all four Indys, the modern the Star Warses, The Goonies, Better Off Dead, Johnny Dangerously, Cannonball Run, Big Trouble in Little China, Adventures In Babysitting, DC Cab, the first four Police Academies and our personal fav Back To The Future

Nepotism Rules: Steven and Cate's daughter Sasha Spielberg notches her fourth screen credit as the 'slugger' in Skull. The other three movies she has appeared in where Munich, The Terminal and the last theatrical film her mum acted in, The Love Letter

Seeing Red Carpet: Harrison, Karen, Shia and plenty of other special guests attend the very same screening we did. Lucky them!

Xtra Xtra: what, our mammoth post about Indy shiz wasn't good enuff for u? Click here and den keep on clickin!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show for now, and we'll give you a second opinion after we see it again this weekend

Indy is currently playing at a theater near Jews, and not that anyone should care, but War Inc opens on Friday, and juss in case you didn't hear, it was more like War, STINKS!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed...