Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Wednesday, December 12

Un-Didding Doodles,

Not Another Teen Pregnancy Movie
Trailers & Mo

To put it simply, Juno is a good movie. If you or FoxSearchlight want to go on thinking that it's this year's Oscar messiah/Little Miss Poopshoot [ review] then be our guest, cause we couldn't care less. Sure, we won't be the least bit sirprized when screenwriter Diablo Cody (the mos awful nom de plume mt EVERest) wins Bestest Original Screenplay at the 2008 Academy Awards, but juss cause one writes overly quirky dialog and has their characters talk on hamburger phones doesn't mean that your the next Quentin Tarantino or even Wes Anderson, even though this is the mos Wes Andersonish movie one will see this year (Darjeeling was a bit too limiting for our tastes). As for Ellen Page, of course she's amazing in this film, as the preggers title teen character, cause duh, she's an amazing actress. But nomination worthy? Er maybe, but this role is not nearly as juicy as the one she had as the prey turned hunteress kid in Hard Candy, and only the Austin Film Critics seemed to notice that. You won't be disappointed with Juno, but if yer lookin for better pregnancy yuks, Netlfix Knocked-Up [ review]

Foster Love Child: we still vom at the thought of Ellen Page boning beau Ben Foster

CLASSy Touch: the chemistry teacher is played by... DJ Cut Chemist

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

About As Thrilling As Atoning On Yom Kippur
Trailers & Mo

We know this flick is based off of some highly-acclaimed novel of the same name, but if the filmmakers really wanted to make a brilliant film out of it, they shoulda kept on building on that thumcredible tense momentum goings on in the first hour (think Swimming Pool with no Ludivine Sagnier nudity) instead of turning the rest of the film into a purty darn boring and depressing version of A Very Long Engagement [ review]. What a waste of high-brow entertainment, although twas nice to see what K Knightley would look like wheneth getting railed against a bookshelf

The Name Game: eyeopening newcomer Saoirse Ronan has a name we'd love to see on maqrquees for decades to come, but can anything top her castmate's birth name of Benedict Cumberbatch, a 2006 Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award winner? We thinks snot!

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

August Rush
December Snooze
Trailers & Mo

For the death of us, we can't seem to finger out if August Rush is the wurstest or second wurstest Robin Williams film of the year. The other one in the equation is License to Wed [ review], a comedy, with Williams starring as an annoying priest, that wasn't remotely funny. Rush is a drama about a magically musically gifted orphan seeking his parents, where Williams plays a meaner and greedier Fagin, and isn't at all very dramatic. Both are pure dreck and easy candidates for our Death to Smoochy Award, which not so ironically was named after the wurstest Robin Williams movie featuring Edward Norton in a purple costume

MILF: we have no idea which character Meagan was, but we totes wanna hop on her screen mom, played by Deirdre Lorenz

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

until next thyme the balcony is clothed...