Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Wednesday, November 22

Don't Mess With
Texas Hold 'Em MI6

Casino Royale
More of A Turn Than A Flop, So Let This River Flow
Trailers & much mo

Like the Redskins looking to the future with Jason Campbell at the helm, the other biggest entertainment franchise of franchises has also decided to breathe much needed life into their own stale bag of chips. The name you know. It's such an obvious name that the theme song to our her00's latest adventure is simply called, 'You Know My Name'. Bond, James Bond (for those who just arrived on planet earth), and before dirty blond/steely-blue eyed Daniel Craig got the starting nod from coaches Barbara Broccoli & Michael G. Wilson, this ship was headed for an iceberg or even worse, a Goldberg (I wonder if Kramer hates Jews too?)! Hell, one more Pierce Brosnan snoozefest and they coulda dropped the '7' and juss leave us with Robert Parish's jersey number, not just one zero, but two, showing you how devoid of greatness Bond had become.

Well, the wait is over and said wait was well worth it. And besides Thomas Crown the II being shown the door, the other single greatestest aspect of Casino Royale's release is that we can stop seeing the word 'reboot' appear in magazines, newspapers, and whathaves you until they decide to 'reboot' the Leonard Part 6 franchise (btw, even though I have 2.6% filmmmmaking skills, I still want to write and direct Leonard Parts I-V as one movie!). This relief even tops my disdain for the use of the word 'editrix' when critics were reviewing The Devil Wears Prada [see review for DIS-dain!]. And while the gadgets are gone, the rest of the stuff one would eggspect is tailor made (but not by one in Panama): ruthless European villian with bleeding eye (check), a cool Felix Lighter (check PLUS for bringing Jeffrey Wright into the mix), and saucy saucy biddies with more than juss boobies (what, u didn't fap that shit yet?).

So with the good, there's always gotta be bad: 2hr 24min. Shave 45 minutes off this baby and you have the bestest Bond flick since the Connery days. Keep it the same length and you have the bestest since The Living Daylights. Oh what, you a T Dalton hater? Thought so. OK, bestest one since Max Zorin was pimp of the blimp. Either way, Daniel Craig rules the school and does it look like I give a damn... about run times?!

Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix the Breast In Show stamped Layer Cake [trailer] DUVHS!

Possible Porno Name: Cunt Sea Knows Roy's A$$

Cameow: yep, that awfully smiley bearded man that you can barely see making his way thru Miami airport's security is none other than Virgin gazillionaire Richard Branson, who also somehow netted a cameo in Superman Returns

Apt MPupil3: 'The Gambler' [d] by Kenny Rogers, but not his rotisserie chicken

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Major Peepers

until next thyme, the balcony is clothed...