Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Friday, September 15

What's Up Docs?

Jesus Camp
Ministry of Zounds

The film's title is purty Snakes On A Planeish, but maybe they shoulda gone with an even more direct name: Scary Movie 5 (yes, I'm obsessed with renaming movies, so sue me, or lick my grundle). Whyski? Jesus Camp, an unbiased, unflinching, and unnerving look into today's hardcore Christian youth and their summers spent at 'camp' (well, at least they have go-karts), is thighs down the mos frightening movie that will hit theaters this year. Maybe I'm a bit too naive or a bit too Jewish, but I really had no idea how powerful and how fearful we all should be of the Evangelical Church. While the focus is on the (brainwashing of their) kids, the underlying theme is, we're crazy Christians and we vote in large numbers and we basically shape the policies and practices of these United States of Leland America. And if that idea freaks the Freezy Freakies right off your hands, you aint seen nuttin til you see said kids emulating Jimmy Swaggart, speaking in tongues, convulsing/conniption fitting on the floor, and praising a cut-out poster of GW Bush (I guess it would be a bit more whoreific if they were exalting a John Kerry cut-out)!! Peoples, you can't make this stuff up, not even if it was stuff not made up on And remember, the Religious Right may be wrong, but they aint taking a left turn anytime soon. Juss whatever you do, don't make a u-turn and rent the poop on a cross that is Oliver Stone's U-Turn... even if you have the world's larget boner for Powers Boothe!

Apt MPupil3: 'Awesome Gawd' by Rich Mullins [duh]

Mo Richard Scarry-ed-ness: Kids in Ministry International, which includes hot clips of kids freakin out more than the freaks in Freaks [watch the ENTIRE flick here], which was not directed by Jonathan Frakes

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Jesus Camp opens in bumblefork today, NYC on the 22nd, and st elsewhere whenever

The U.S. vs John Lennon
This Will Do While We Wait For The U.S. vs Ringo Starr

Question, do you dig on John Lennon? If the answer is no, you aint gonna make it with anyone, anyhow. If the answer is yes, then you are obviously a thing called a human being. Hell, that's probably the mos rhetorical question since 'does it smell like upyo in here?' Well, if you are a human being you will heart this doc. While the title (here we go again) would suggest that many a meaty conspiracy theories will be flying off the screen, what's presented is already more publicly knowledgeable than the location of the White House. If you don't know where that is, contact Wesley Snipes. And if you're a casting director, contact him anywayz, as I'm sure he could use the work. But where vs JL lacks in fresh info, it sure makes up for it in it's authority. This aint no Nick Broomfield cant get no clerance love affair here! The list of talking heads are beyond the knees bees (Walter Cronkite, Bobby Seale, George McGovern, Geraldo!), with a ton o' Yoko to boot, + the soundtrack oozes with nuttin but Lennon's solo music, so what we end up with instead of an eye-opening exposé is simply a great portrait of the man behind the musician, after the Beatles let it be and Yoko let John be himself. Give peace a chance, and while yer at it, give this doc a chance, and after that, give me 7 HJs and 12837 BJs.

Possible Porno Name: The UteruS vs John's Lemon

Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix Imagine: John Lennon [trailer]

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next time the balcony is clothed...