Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Tuesday, December 27

aka How I Spent My Christmas
Minus The Chinese Food

Isra(ising h)el(l)
View Trailer

There are three types of Señor Spielbergo movies. The first, for which most identify him with, are the fun fantasy adventures (E.T., Indy Jones, Close Encounters). The second group, for lack of better words, are schmaltz-fest '87s. Unfortch for us, it is this last genre that he has chosen to embellish (see The Terminal) in this early part of the 21st century (so far, WURST CENTURY EVER!). Even the ones that appeared to fit under the 'fun fantasy adventures' label, like War of the Worlds, ended up being overly cheesy and less captivating than a Kate Capshaw movie. And the last group contains his most important, mostest brilliant works out of his entire oeuvre: the historical document. Isn't it safe to say that SS'ses two mos bestest mos vital movies without question are Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan (which begat the greatest porn title of bALLLs time: Shaving Ryan's Privates!)? Well guess what, Munich is easily #3, and although may not have the gravitas of the other two, may actually be a more intense and fascinating picture. I mean, how many times are you gonna throw S's List into yer DVD player again?

Yessurreybobbarker! The Señor is back, in a well welcomed return to form. In a year where question raising political thrillers (Syriana, Paradise Now, The Constant Gardner) are top dog, Munich is the top of the tops. There's so much to applaud that I'd have to start 7 blogs juss to go into it. Although my dad found it a bit boring, and mumsy said it 'isn't her kinda movie', I was hooked lined and sinkered from frame one til frame 48168764432628896, when it ended and I darted out to go pee. The only real problem is that it seems Señor doesn't know how to end it or if he even wants to end his picture. There are almost more places for an ending than a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Before I ramble on with a can of Ramblin' I'd juss like to point out four bits of Munich awesomeness:

1) A majority of the main actors playing Jews are not Jewish at all (cept Avner's fly-arsed Semitic wifey and our bombmaker pal who directed the bestest French movie of the past 20 years: La Haine), and despite the fact of their non-Kosher-saltynessness they is udderly franztatsic at playing Jews!!! I was totally sold on the performances by the Jewish Caesar (who needs to be in every movie EVER!!!), the Jewish Bond, the Jewish Marquis de Sade, and the man who runs the show and steals it too, the Jewish Hulk. Yer all welcome at my Seder table any time!

2) While the plot revolves around the weighty ethical practices and implications of an 'eye for an eye' philosophy, the mos enticing part of it all is the cat and mouse espionage slant, hispecially when the cat becomes the mouse. Not to be confused Art Spiegelman's Maus

3) Although a fictional account of actual events, Munich makes a perfect companion piece and follow-up to One Day In September (probably one of the mos well done docs me hath ever seenaged). Kudos galore to the bueno Señor who didnt bog down his film with all the details of the actual Olympic massacre that were already captured by the media's lens, but instead dramatizing the bits that were not caught by any camera at all: the actual storming of the athletes apartment, the struggle inside, and the melee at the airport.

4) Dude, there are boobs, in a Spielbergo movie!!!

GO SEE THIS NOW!!! Cause you may end up havin sum Close Encounters of the Bestesist Kind!

Recommended for those who like: Amelie's man, Lola's man, and everyone's man, Eric Bana, cause men want to be him and women AND men want to do him

Possible Porno Name: München Box

Unsatisfied with this? Go back and Netflix One Day In September again, unless you never did it in the first place, and if that's the case, you boviously should have yer balls stomped on by the person sitting closest to you as you read this. Or for those who thurst fo even mo, why not N'flix Sword of Gideon which looks like a low-rent version of Munich. Peep the trailer

Further Fun: Visit the Olympic Park, the Olympic Village, and the site of the massacre, which now are apartments | FACT: Men's Handball made it's first Olympic appearance + Archery returned after a 52 year absence at the '72 Summer Games | My dad totally sported the Mark Spitz porn stache in the 70s AND 80s, did yours?

Breakfast On Pluto AND Transamerica
Kriss-Kross Dressin' AND Bobbitcisions
View Trailer: Pluto | Trans

Tis a bit unfair that I'm lumping these two tranny flicks together, considering they're both peepage worthy, but honestly, I don't have time to write two separate reviews that basically cover the same ground + I'd rather write more about Jews killing people. Anywho, Pluto is about a transvestite in 70s Ireland searching out his/her past, and Transam 'bout a soon to be a full-on transsexual trekking across America with a son he/she didn't realize he/she had. Both kinda start up slow, but start to pick up in the 2nd act on its way to a fulfilling finale. While I favor Neil Jordan's Pluto out of the two due to the fact there's much more going on, Transam is still worth the trip to the uniplex. Both lead performances, Cillian Murphy as Patrick 'Kitten' Brady and Felicity Huffman as Stanley 'Bree' Osbourne, deserve O-noms. I mean, if Charlize can ugly it up in a mediocre flick and come out golded, then either of these mens/ladies should surely get a shot at it too. Again, I favor Cillian's work, who's havin one heck of a year (he outshined Batman in Begins as Scarecrow), in Pluto over Lynette Scavo's in Transam, cause for me, C-Mur had the bigger challenge than Dirty Huff did, who simply had to lower her voice and not wear make-up, which sorta brought out her mannish looking self. If I someone doesn't start paying me to write movie reviews, I'm gonna have a Transitny Strike!!!

Recommended for those who like: the androgyny HNotness of Jaye Davidson, Bryan Ferry with a pencil thin mustache, and this NSFWness

Possible Porno Name: Breakmyass With Your Platonic Cock AND Wet Hot Transamerican Cummer

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Velvet Goldmine AND Hedwig & The Angry Inch

Further Fun: Facts AND Figures about the Transamerica Pyramid | Wondering what dat music playing in conjunction with The Best Christmas Lights Display Ever is? Why tits the TRANS-Siberian Orchestra's 'Wizards of Winter' [d-lode WMA file]