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Thursday, September 15

Real Horrorshow

There be lotsa people out there who've been able to compile a list of the Top Ten Bestest Movies of All Time. Howevski, I am not one of those people. The bestest that I can do is tell you what four movies that methinks are tied for #1 of balls thyme. And they is (in no particular order, since they're all tied): Citizen Kane, Psycho, Trainspotting, and... A Clockwork Orange. If you haven't seen them, go directly to Netflix and... Netflix them up, or go see Wedding Crashers, since u boviously have no taste! Each of these films represent some different aspect of uber-genius awesomeness cinemaking, but as the days turn into weeks, which somehow bypass months and go straight to years, I keep leaning on Clockwork as the one to rule them all. Hitchcock may be the lord, but Kubrick is king, and Orange is Kubrick's 100 point game in Hershey, PA. No one in my mind can ever top it... although I'd love to pull my hair out watching Gus van Pretentious try his hand at a shot-by-shot remake of it in B&W.

Sure the themes aren't easy on the eyes and on the thighs (rape, brainwashing, and even more rape), but who wants easy? I like my celluloid to be challenging, thought-provoking, and as far from fluff as possible. Every time I enter a theater (or sadly turn on the DVD player) I want to be wowed. It's rarity when it happens, but it does indeed happen. And nothing has enraptured me and never let go of my conscience quite like the Clockwork has, ever since my British friend Paul made me viddy it well back in the 9-5. I was thirsten like Ellen Burstyn for mo so I went out and read Alex Burgess' novel of the same name. That read made me appreciate Kubrick's vision all that more and den some, with some dim sum. I could go on and on, but the real purpose for this post is not to masturbate about the work as a whole in words, but to qwikly boast and toast how the Kubester was able to create an incredible dystopian future world using eggisting people, places, and things on a shoestring budget of 2.2 mil... + other useless info

Before Kubrick ever tackled the project, several different ideas were floating around as to how Alex and his Droogs should be cast. At one point girls in miniskirts, old-age pensioners, and even the effin The Rolling Stones were considered. Actually Kubes wasn't the first to bring it to the screen, Warhol beat em too it 6 years before with his interpretation titled Vinyl. I have yet to see it, and it's only available on DVD outside of the US, but werd has it that it's not very good. The opening scene, where there's a zoom back from the main protagonist, was later aped by Kubrick for the very first scene in his version. After Kubrick, there were a few knockoffs, like the spicy Italian flicks Clockwork Terror (aka Murder In a Blue World) and La Gang dell'Arancia Meccanica. And it was only a matter of time before a porn was born: A Clockwork Orgy [More on Vinyl | More on rip-offs]

Any scene that had an outtake or was cut from the final film was burned at Kubrick's request. Therefore don't be looking for an extended DVD anytime soon. However, these two pics survived. One shows the Droogs accosting an old man (who may have been Col Sanders) outside of a library, and the other is of their beloved car, the Durango 95, taking them home after a night of tomfoolery. [More]

Speaking of the Durango 95, it actually was a real car called the Probe 16. Only three were ever made and only two eggist to this day. The third one was rumored to have been burned, and this juss may be it. Maybe Alex should've used these hot wheels to impress chicks, not drive to their house and rape them.

Many of the films locations hactually did eggsist (only 4 were built), like the lake where Alex gets personal, the tunnels where old bums deserved to get a beat down, and the Ludivico Centre where Alex gets a tune up. Luckily some bloke created a site showing and telling you about said places and MORE. But I'm sure u already know this since Visit Where They Filmed A Clockwork Orange hasn't left my 'Things I Need' list since it's inception. Sadly, the Korova Milk Bar was a set, and not a real drinking hole. Even more sadly, some peoples in NYC had the grand idea to open a bar of the same name and it not only does it not capture the hotness of the Milk Bar as it rightly should (see statue below), but it also sucks ass. They are hoping to land investors to open one in Vegas. Good luck wit dat!!

Kube was an artist, and so was his wife Christiane (who appeared in his Paths of Glory). Together they found a bunch of stuff to fill the walls de Clockwork, like the flowery girly works of JH Lynch, the gonzo looking Hydraulic Reference turntables, the dancing Christs and penis sculptures of Herman Makkink, and even some of CK's own work. Most bestest was the borrowing/stealing of Allen Jones' women as table and chair sculptures and turning them into the tables at the ole Korova Milk Bar. [More]

Thirsteabag for more? Set aside an hour or so and thumb thru the thumbcredible Malcom McDowell Tribute site, for which most of the above info was thieved from

End of post BONUS: Italian dub version wav files... Pasta | Pesto | Naples | Chef Boyardee

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