Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Tuesday, April 20

Box Office Bidness
The Monster Squad

Mos def the gayest monster ever
1. Kill Bill: Volume 2 - $25.5 million - How many geeks does it take to fill a movie theater? Divide $25.5 mil by 10.

2. The Punisher - $14 million - I think I've declared a silent-jihad against John Travolta movies.

3. Johnson Family Vacation - $6.4 million - Seriously, who's Steve Harvey's dentist? He has the whitest set of chompers on earth.

4. Hellboy - $5.7 million - Number 2 got greenlighted. It's gonna stink more than a #2. Czech out our review.

5. Home on the Range - $5.4 million - I think its time for Disney to option all those cereal mascots and make a movie. Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crackle, and Pop take on General Mills and his army of the undead, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, Fruit Brute, and Yummy Mummy.

Jabberjaw "jumped the shark"
on episode one
6. Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed - $5.1 million - F-this. Bring on Jabberjaw!

7. Walking Tall - $4.6 million - That dude Neal McDonough's eyes creep me out.

8. Ella Enchanted $4.4 million - Ella is under a spell to be constantly obedient. Hey Ella, pick up my dry cleaning and then go jump in a lake.

9. The Passion of the Christ - $4.1 million - El Christo needs about 6 mil to pass Jurassic Park to become the 7th highest grossing film of all time. It's already the grossest movie of all time.

10. The Alamo - $4 million - Davy Crockett's got a wocket in his pocket.