Get On Up
Soul Brother # Won
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 138 min

get on up

I know who James Brown is. Lucky to have seen him in concert, TWICE! Perhaps today’s kids aren’t all up on their Godfather of Soul knowledge – and hence the need for dem to GET ON UP on it, as suggested by the talking head testimonial trailer singing his singing praises, that’s been used more as this biopic’s trailer than its own actual trailer. Well, regardless if you know JB or don’t, your probably won’t learn much about him in Tate Taylor‘s (The Help) lively, but information-free Get On Up

Sure, the film starts off with a bang – focusing on his infamous run-in/away from the law, and sizzles the ears til its finish – with the actual recorded versions of Brown’s vocals and music pumpin loud, but by the end, the picture isn’t really complete. I was saying to myself, I know James Brown, but I don’t know anymore than I knew before I saw this here film. And tsk tsk for no nods to his time with The Blue Brothers (even if Dan Aykroyd is in the movie), or ‘Living In America’ for Rocky IV or being wasted on TV!!!

But but but but but, you wanna know what? Sure, the story is thin, but his music is THICK, and JB’s shtick shines on, in the soulful shoes of Chadwick Boseman. Boseman displayed quiet brilliance as Jackie Robinson in last year’s 42, and exudes beyond exudtion exuding in Get On Up (even if his JB accent sorta sounds like Casey Affleck and his annoying voice). The movie IS his performance (+ some excellent make-up work), and Boseman not only plays the man, he IS the MAN. He should play every prominent African-American figure of all thymes. They should remake Ray and see what he can do with it. Or they should make a movie where Jamie Foxxxx’s Ray Charles teams up with Boseman’s Brown to fight all the Marvel characters!!!

The supporting players are gifted actors – Nelsan Ellis, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer – but they aint the MAN like Boseman is, like James Brown is, like Boseman as Brown is is

Funk don’t quit, even if the funk is uninformative


Jersey Boys
Oh What A Blight!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 134 min

jersey boys

There’s nothing more cheesy than the Jersey Boys musical. That is until I encountered the movie version of the musical, directed by the ‘musical’ Clint Eastwood, which reveals JUSS how cheesy the musical is, when you add in close-ups and sets and things and stuff

You either know who Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons are or you don’t. If you don’t, you probably won’t care to see how they came together and overcame ‘adversity’ to make such sweet sweet music. You actually don’t need to know their story, since there isn’t much of one (unlike the life of James Brown), but the music is juss so darn good. I mean, my wife and I saw Frankie months back (HE’S STILL GOT IT!!!!), and the first dance at our wedding was to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’

When I first saw this movie, I was repelled and repulsed at juss how cheesy it was. Then weeks passed and I couldn’t stop thinking how great the movie was because it WAS ultra-cheesy. I was like, you juss to good to be true, can’t take my MIND OFF OF YOU AND YOUR OOOOOZY CHEESE!!!

Oh Gyp DeCarlo. Oh Gyp. Oh Gyp. OH GYP!!!! Who Gyp? He’s some gangster guy played by Christopher Walken, who solves everyone’s problems, like the ‘problems’ the Four Seasons encounter. These problems? That the band’s founder Tommy DeVito is bad with money, and that the guy who plays him – Vincent Piazza – may be bad at acting. Or maybe Tommy DeVito IS an actual walking Italian-Jersey stereotype and Vincent Piazza is playing him perfectly. But who cares, cause the whole thing’s cheesy, so Jimmy, give me a pizza wit NUTTIN

Verdictgo: both Jeepers Worth A Creepers

The BoysGet On Up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Diss Me Cates

that one time Phoebe Cates became ugly

cates normal

cates in motion

cates super fug

cates ugly

at the Beaumont Modeling Building in New York City, July 31, 1979. photos by Ron Galella


Besson Golden Pawn

Mindless Over Matter
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

Film Title: Lucy

Fcuk Marvel and their brand of summer fun. If I had my pick, I’d let Luc Besson direct all my blockbuster blusters. Feels like 9ever since he directed ANY movie. I actually thought the last movie he directed was The Fifth Element. Apparently he’s directed 9 movies since then, and I saw 3 of them. One of those is his latest – Lucy – and it actually actually actually finally feels like the proper follow-up to Element, and more so to his BLAMMMMMAZIN Leo/The Professional. Sure, over the past decade+ he wrote & produced popcorn fluff like The Transporter & Taken flix, but he didn’t direct them. With Lucy, he directed the living fcuk out of it, and my eyes are thankful for it

Scarlett Johansson is Lucy, a girl thrown out of her element within the first 5 minutes of the film. She (and we) is quickly tossed into a shadowy underworld with an Asian gang trying to transport some beyond-mind altering drugs, sewn into her stomach. At one point she gets kicked in the stomach, the drug is released into her system, and BOOOM, her brainpower starts elevating from underused human levels to ones that would make William James Sidis‘ IQ seem like zero. So what happens from there? ANYTHING. This crazy brainpower power allows Lucy/ScarHo to do anything and everything and anyeverything!!! And Besson runs with it for the remaining minutes, complete with exceptional visuals and Morgan Freeman and his voice (and a Damon Albarn song!)!!! I almos wish there were more minutes!!!

While the movie is about the brain, it’s far from cerebral. It isn’t fully dumb, but it’s more dumb fun than it is intellectual property. But you wanna know what? I had more fun watching this summer flick than I did with any superhero and Michael Bay movie of recent memory. FYI – The only Michael Bay movie worth remembering is The Island, another smart dumb fun flick starring ScarJooo. FYI – LUC BESSON IS THE BEST (mostly)!!! PLEASE MAKE MORE WOMEN KICKING ASS STUFF THINGS!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Creepers

Lucy loos at a theater near you

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Bells Yeah!!

Saul Bass + Bell Telephone Company = 60s/9ever logo bestness






bell 1969

[AT&T | Gizmodo]

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