Alice In Wonderland
Alice Doesn’t Live or Breathe Here Anymore
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

The pieces were all in place to make this latest incarnation of Alice In Wonderland Alice in wonderful: a visionary loony director, complete with a stop at Disney on his resume (Tim Burton), a comely sorta-young girl with chops le acting (Mia Wasikowska), all supported by a cast of dudes and two dudettes more stellar than Stellan Skarsgård (Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway, Matt Lucas, Crispin Glover!!!, and the voices of Stephen Fry, Michael Sheen, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall).  Having the pieces are one thing, but how they’re played is all that matters, and while Burton is game, and the race to the finish line is certainly a whimsical one, the product is predictable and juss another notch on his belt of misfire remakes, even if it is the best of em (that’s best of the worst, as Sleepy Hollow is très magnifique!).  Like his Wonka, its beginning is all smooth sailing, then our protagonist enters whatever out of this world world they get themselves mixed up in and it all falls to sleepage.  So when Alice falls down the hole, instead of bothering yoself with what comes next, you might as well hit stop and pop in the Disney cartoon instead

Drink Me: looks like someone resurrected one of our mos flavorite sites, Fake Dr Pepper!!!

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Alice is currently mostly tweedledumb at a theater near jews.  also, opening in NY only today is The Exploding Girl, a flick we caught at last year’s Thighbeca FF and said was ’so snoozetastic that it makes Wendy & Lucy look as fast & furious as a Jan de Bont flick!‘

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

meat the American kids that will soon tarnish Skins‘ good name, whenever the Baltimore-set remake decides to rear its mos likely ooogly head

then again, season 4 of Skins, currently airing back across the pond, is doing a purty good job on its own of tarnishing the brand.  bee leave you we, it’s not the characters (well cept for boring Freddy), but the fact that the writers have either done nothing with em (where’d Pandora go? did she get lost on Pandora??) or too much of the same thing with em (seriously, how many more things can Effy do to her body? and do we care?  did we ever?).  but alas, we can’t hate too much, herspecially if the Prescott/Fitch twins are still around flexing their muscles and breaking hearts (mostly their own) with them big bootyful saucer eyes of theirs

then again, why the helga did Emily/Kathryn have to get even skinner this season, when she was perfect skinny to begin with last season?

all-dough she gets continued bonus/boner points for the early morning wedgies!

and then again, why the hogarth did Katie/Megan have to get skinnyer tat all, when her cubby chubstein look was a-thru-z-dorable?

maybe’s this is why…

Peace The Fork Out To

Whatever Happened To

Corey Ian Haim

1971 -2010

there are places to eat b4 u die

and then there are places to eat that will make u die

and make you want to die…t immediately

and one of them places

is one of our new moist flavorite places

Charles’ Country Pan Fried Chicken

Charles’es’s is a tiny Harlem hole in the wall where the name of the shame is a way too affordable ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet, consisting of such artery-clogging bestness as crispy fried chicken, fall off the boner ribs and every single scrumptious soul food side you could imagine. drinks are included, and we recommend you get yerself an Arnold Palmer (although you probably shouldn’t ask for it by that name). and if you have room to spare at the end (good luck), indulge in their yumcredible banana pudding, which will be sure to put the icing on your cardiac arrest

thighly recommend?  what do you think?  juss don’t come anywhere near us as we’re still farting from our Sunday splurge

yesterday our Thighs turned 6.  today we begins our march for 6 more, or maybe even 666 more.  who knows?  the Shadow does.  so does the Lord.   the Lord once said ‘the time has come to set aside childish things‘, but sometimes the Lord can be wrong, like when she picked Nevermind The Sandra Bullocks for Best Actress, when she shoulda been picked for most likely to be in some romantic comedy that we’d rather drink diarrhea in a NJ Turnpike tollboth than go and see it.  or was it the Shadow’s fault?  anywhoobuttstank, we will never set aside childish things, hispecially our ghettoloriousnessness kelsey grammar, but we vowed to make Thighs Wide Shut more aesthetically pleasing, and in turn, less yellow and less all around eyesore-y for you our dear readers and JO textperts.  so, here we are, love it or love it, this be the new and improved Thighs, with easier to search and navigate stuff and things, but still with all the same poorly written movie reviews and gigantic boobs from the UK trimmings you’ve cum to eggspect.  but before we leap forward, let’s look backwards on last year’s crap and shazta

the bacon explosion

Scanwiches.com

Pieter Dirkx’ filming locations

‘Silent E’ on the Electric Company

Charlotte Allthetimes

NHL playas/entertainers switched @ birth thingies

Kill The Old Man From The Legend of Zelda

Mike Tyson vs Little Mac, round 2

Disney, the forefathers of recycling

Amber Heard’s  NSFW Informers scenes

(Never) Let My Cameron Go

‘He’s Behind You, He’s Got Swine Flu’

ExplosionsAndBoobs.com

California Beach Feet

this may be a trap

Philo T Farnsworth Every Second

current pictures of the Washington Coliseum, site of the Beatles’ very first American concert

The 1954 Milan Indians, aka the real Hoosiers

Choose Your Own Adventure Books That Never Quite Made It

The Great Moon Hoax of 1835

Mama Cass sings her love for Hardee’s

1970s Era Ads Targeting African American Consumers

Live Free or Use Tokens

Jake Lloyd: Ten Years After Star Wars Ep One

Not The Cosbys XXX [NSFW]

Unusual Paintings of Obama Naked w/Unicorns

DuckTales is awesome!

ä, ë, ï, ö, ü & sömëtïmës ÿ

white girls doing impressions of Bill Cosby

Three Frames

‘Ass 2 Ass’ with you [empee3]

replacing Moira with Lara

I Me Nine

WEEPULS!

Time magazine mock-ups in movies

Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Liberty

conjoined twins post

the car that wasn’t there

Vicki Lawrence of A Labia

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boobs!!!!!!

Astronaut, painting by Scott Listfield

Antichrist – antiwatchable

the roads of The Road

a marching band marches to the beat of the Numa Numa guy

Man Creates Pan Am Jet Cabin in Garage

boo to faux Cliff Engle sweaters

Stories Behind 10 Famous Food Logos

Neil Diamond covers Adam Sandler’s ‘The Chanukah Song’

Addams Family Invaluables

Pan Am’s Helvetica dreamtime

C-3POhhhhh snapedness

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

Nytol plus you equals Zzzzzzzzs

Museum of Modern Tweets

Morley Safer takes a look back at Andy Rooney’s career

Coppola Pachinko commercials

Bacon Cheese Turtleburger

perv-iously

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

we’d like to thank the tireless efforts and effarts of Gallop Pole Dancer, for installing all the new whells and bistles, and doing our bidding, and allowing us to feed him pastrami.  you sir have been officially knighted as a knight of the table of our round stomachs of the Kingdom of Thighland.  it’s only the 2732th highest honor, so don’t be that honor rolled

sooner than you think