Thighs Wide Movies 2015

1) Deli Man

deli man

I never reviewed this documentary, cause I saw it on a plane, and I usually don’t review movies I’ve seen on planes.  It was the perfect plane movie, but it was also the perfect movie movie – it was funny, and entertaining, and informative, and it actually made me cry – tears of joy.  It also made me proud to be Jewish, and reminded me what I value most of my Judaism – tradition thru food, and how we must never lose either.  Levy’s Rye said you didn’t have to be Jewish to love their bread, and the same is true of this documentary.  Bless you Ziggy Gruber – you are the Jewish Ziggy Stardust

there were plenty of other grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat films in the ’15 of 2000, but instead of ranking them against one another, this year I’m juss gonna lump them together, saying they all grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat – in reverse alphabetical order…

 

Straight Out of Compton

nwa

if Paul Giamatti is your movie’s main a$$hole, and your soundtrack is NWA, you have a surefire hit

Star Wars – The Force Awakens

force awakens

JJ Abrams may have played it safe, leaning on the past, but that’s what the people wanted, and he gave us stuff we didn’t even know we wanted – a Rey of hope for the future  

George Lucas who?

Spotlight

spotlight

it’s the Zodiac of priest abusing children movies!!

Son of Saul

son of saul

imagine the intensity of Saving Private Ryan, but strip the patriotism and cheese, set it in and around a concentration camp, and let the horror destroy your senses – yes the würst date movie of 2015 is also one of its best!

The Search For General Tso

search general tso

a MUST for anyone who eats Chinese food in America (aka, every American)

The Martian

who said Ridley Scott needed aliens to make space wonder-full?

Maps To The Stars

maps to the stars

I had to pick one fcuked up movie to make my list, so why not the one that says incest is best/würst!!!

Mad Max – Fury Road

I mean the guy with the flamethrower guitar was the tamest part of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joy

this is the movie American Hustle should have been, but wasn’t, but this is Joy, and Joy was all American, all hustle, and all awesome

The Intern

schmaltz-o ball soup for the soul.  I SLURPPED IT UP BIG TIME.  can’t wait to watch it on cable for eons to come!!

The Death of Superman Lives, What Happened?

superman lives

the (second) greatest doc ever made about the (second) greatest film never made 

(the first was last year’s #1)

Creed

some things DO get better with age

Brooklyn

they say they don’t make movies like they used to, but they wrong.  they should say they should make more movies like this

Black Mass

Deep as Whitey gave me a bulger in my pants

The Big Short

finally, a movie about the economic collapse that doesn’t make you want to take a coll-nap

Amy

too bad the title Trainwreck was wasted on another movie

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

honor blackman sean

Vacation / While We’re Young / Tomorrowland / Steve Jobs / Rosenwald / Room / Pitch Perfect 2 / Kingsman: The Secret Service / It Follows / Iris / Furious 7 / Ex Machina / The Danish Girl

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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Lerner’s Permit

OMG!!!!!!!

this guy

michael lerner

is brothers with this guy!!!

pen in back running man

yes!!!!!!!!!

Michael Lerner!!!!!!

and 

Ken Lerner!!!!!!

the lerners

those guys!!!!!!

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Superprime Number Crunching

The Big Short
The Rooting of All Evils
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 130 min

the big short

Movies about the subprime mortgage crisis are either boring, too wordy, or juss not all that good (or all three).  Luckily Adam McKay‘s cinematic take on Michael Lewis‘ book The Big Short: Inside the Doomsday Machine is none of the above, although it admits to its audience that it is very wordy, but tries its best to put all the money talk into layman’s terms for us by breaking the 4th wall

We all know things didn’t go quite well with our economy in 2007, but did you know that there were some dudes who saw it coming and profited from it, by betting on America failing????  Yes, it’s true, although some names have been changed to protect the profiteers. And so you sit there, and you root for the dudes to make money by America losing!  You know that bubble’s gonna burst, and they do too, and we want them to win, cause what’s a movie if there are no heroes?  The big shots in The Big Short aren’t really heroes, but compared to the villainous big banks and the clueless government officials not seeing what troubles lie ahead, they are our heroes

We don’t need another hero!!!

Yeah, but if these smart money dudes are played by the likes of Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Finn WittrockJohn Magaro, and even a subdued Brad Pitt, who’s gonna root against those dudes???  

Come to think of it – the casting is super genius.  I mean, actor-wise – OBVIOUSLY, but lady-wise – BLAM.  You’re a guy, and you want to see a movie about economics and how you gonna sell that on your lady (or boyfriend or left hand or whatever you finger bang)?  Uh, honey, there’s a movie with Brad and Ryan and Christian in it.  Wanna see it?

So fcuking money, and you DO know it

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Short comes up Big at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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